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LXXXI: help yourself
God it’s been how long and my life is still going no where. You know what I have so many mixed feelings about how I view my life. I need to get my shit together but at the same time there are many things constraining me but the same time I don’t think they should be excuses but. Ugh, I’m disgusted with my life. I know only I can change it ultimately but seriously… I must be then disgusted with myself. I’m only 18, things will let up, I’m sure of it. But right now I’m feeling all these stupid feelings about my life and it’s taking me no where. It’s either I change my outlook or I actually take action but even that’s hard to do. I hate this stupid depression and these stupid physical illnesses and you know what. All these fucking illnesses, I hate it. I hate everything that’s going wrong in my body. I don’t understand why I have to go through it. I don’t want to go through it anymore. I don’t want to go through any of this stupid bullshit anymore. But I have to keep pushing forth because there’s pretty much nothing else to do at this point. You know that feeling where even lifting up one finger is an ultimate task? Yeah, I know it. I hate it. I can type and move my hands in this position only though. I’m just tired of all of this. I’ve been escaping by watching stupid anime series and I’m sick of it. I need to snap out of it before I get sucked in the abyss once again.
I'm going to bed, hopefully by morning I will have rebefriended the cat. She is really not impressed with our new rescue kitten Toothless.
XXXII: help yourself
God it's been how long and my life is still going no where. You know what I have so many mixed feelings about how I view my life. I need to get my shit together but at the same time there are many things constraining me but the same time I don't think they should be excuses but. Ugh, I'm disgusted with my life. I know only I can change it ultimately but seriously... I must be then disgusted with myself. I'm only 18, things will let up, I'm sure of it. But right now I'm feeling all these stupid feelings about my life and it's taking me no where. It's either I change my outlook or I actually take action but even that's hard to do. I hate this stupid depression and these stupid physical illnesses and you know what. All these fucking illnesses, I hate it. I hate everything that's going wrong in my body. I don't understand why I have to go through it. I don't want to go through it anymore. I don't want to go through any of this stupid bullshit anymore. But I have to keep pushing forth because there's pretty much nothing else to do at this point.
You know that feeling where even lifting up one finger is an ultimate task? Yeah, I know it. I hate it. I can type and move my hands in this position only though. I'm just tired of all of this. I've been escaping by watching stupid anime series and I'm sick of it. I need to snap out of it before I get sucked in the abyss once again.
i love coming home to a pile of good mail <3
whoo mailman!