A mother’s lament - how your school can help parents on their first day....
Spare a thought for the mothers* today.
Or whenever your school term begins.
Yes of course a school’s aim is to best education its children.
And of course it is their responsibility to look after the children who are starting school. Those children who have been lovingly dressed in their new school uniform, had their hair tamed under duress and their feet squeezed into new shiny (and unfathomably bloody expensive) shoes.
Photos have been taken. And probably emailed, text and facebooked before they’ve even reached the school gate.
Whilst the mothers are holding back tears or putting on brave faces, the children are, quite rightly, oblivious. It’ll wash over their heads. For some, school can be unsettling or different. But for many, it’s the start of a new adventure; where they will learn new and exciting things every day.
For the mothers, it’s a start of new routines and logistics, new friendships that need to be made (by both the child and the parents), new teachers to be trusted and new fangled approaches to education to be understood (no doubt including phonics, red words and the delights of Biff and Kipper).
So spare a thought for the mothers. All of them, including…..
1. The mother with an only child who feels it like an irretrievable loss. The moment that defines the next seven year phase, when their child will be influenced by people other than herself. When their safety and development is put into the hands of people whom she does not yet know or trust (and won’t be able to until she is given good reason to do so). Believe me. I’m one of them.
2. The mother whose first child is joining school feels the same. But can get some relief from the fact her second child remains in her care.
3. The mother whose last child is joining school feels the same. Despite having had other children start school, they feel the same loss. A finality.
4. The working mother has yet another complex dimension. Gone are the easy days of full time, year-round childcare (be it nursery, nanny or childminder) and welcome in an era of terms and shorter days (or extended hours with guilt). So along with any other feelings of loss, she also feels the weight of logistical responsibility and the inevitable female guilt.
5. The mother who has chosen to send their child to an independent school feels the same loss. But has the burden of the first term’s fees to pay, as well as the thought at the back of their mind that it had better be worth it, or the right choice, because if not, what next?
So just what, exactly, has your school done to help mums (regardless of what type) through their first day? What have you prepared for them in advance, or planned for the first week?
Having done a straw-poll of mums who sent their child back last week, I’ve compiled a list of what they wanted / liked / or would have liked their school to have done:
1. Offering a coffee morning for parents after they’ve dropped their children off, is really well appreciated (if not always taken up by the parents!)
2. Having really clear information about what happens at the start of the school day is a real plus – listing where parents need to go and what their child needs to do (where to put drinks bottles, shoes etc).
3. Having a ‘helpful tips’ sheet – things to get children used to prior to starting e.g. the normal things like wiping bottoms or noses and the perhaps less obvious things such as saying grace at the lunch table or using a urinal (one mum was mortified that her son didn’t know what the urinal was and upset that she didn’t realise the school had them in reception class)
4. An opportunity to ask teachers ‘how it went’ – rather than just passing children out through a door and then disappearing.
5. An early feedback session/parents evening – waiting two terms before having the chance to talk to the teacher is too long for some parents. They only want 5 minutes for the teacher to say how their child is settling and what else they as teachers or parents can do to help the transition.
6. A resource for parents whose child is struggling to settle. Approaches that can help, guidance or advice. Bringing this into school rather than parents having to find it externally (e.g. a social network like Mumsnet) means that parents will trust and value your school and become strong advocates.
Believe me, if you get this right, if you help parents through this time (rather than keeping them at arms length) they’ll become loyal advocates of your school. They’ll tell their friends and recommend they consider it. They’ll happily donate to your school fund. They’ll become your staunch and loyal school advocates.
* Of course, I could say ‘primary care-giver’ instead of ‘mum’ but I’m writing this for myself, as a mum, the weekend after my little boy went to school. So excuse me if I’m not P.C !
Louise aka 134marketing provides pratical and tactical marketing advice to independent schools. If you want to find out a bit more about me, or keep up-to-date with my views then visit my website or follow me on twitter