I can't sleep in a room with a ticking clock. I don't know why, I can sleep in rooms with things louder than ticking clocks. Like the filter on this turtle tank. It reminds me of my fish though. I miss them, I should get another pet. A hamster's sorta been on the list for a while but never really come to fruition, but I decided I want August to be about doing new things so perhaps getting a hamster should be one of them. It's funny because I said that to Nye about swimming and climbing but I also meant it vaguely suggestively, and omitted a "doing you" which probably isn't in the cards right now, but who knows. Emotions are so problematic for hormones. Especially unhealthy emotions. But yeah, swimming, the minimal amount I did tonight at aqua fit showed that I'm not a very strong swimmer, but maybe I should try using the free swims to gain some strength? I wasn't instantly drowning, so that's encouraging, but it did seem that my legs gave up and started sinking after about a lap and a half. Funny how she called it a break or whatever, because it was harder than any of the other exercises, some of which were just ridiculous. The pool noodle is not my friend. Glad I got to do it though, new experiences and that. Now faced with the question of if getting a tattoo is an experience too far. I mean I have a valid "why?" that satisfies myself. Well I mean it's a bit rambly and disconnected but so is everything else I say. But basically spending time watching the stars was beautiful and calming and just made all of my troubles seem so petty and it's like we only get one life, why make it more complicated? So if I get a star ("asterix" lol) on my wrist I can use it as a reminder to calm down and stop over thinking things. No idea if it'll work but the concept presented itself to me fully formed in my star gazing, awake for 22 hours with 3 hours sleep beforehand state. It's just if in 15 years I'll need that or be judging it, but honestly, I might not even be alive in 15 years, and this seems kind of punk~ and that's a side of me I'd like not to lose, as terrified as I am of how people view it. It's funny how taking away the Internet can breed my creativity like this, like my last big "blog" was at the hostel in march. I should probably self impose some Internet breaks so that I can do stuff like this more. Other developments include that my BMI is now in the normal range. This is amazing to me; in the last few months I've been noticing my clothes have been size 12 or 14, or medium, which as an ex-XL is really encouraging. Of course, I've done nothing to cause this. I mean minimal healthier options and walking everywhere and let's not forget eating disorder inducing stress-not-eating aside, anyway. I'm in Sam's house. On a 4 foot life raft moonlighting as an air bed. This house is lovely and cozy and adult, and just makes mine seem awful and empty and bare. Maybe if there are more flats available in Ninian Road the colours and cushiness would do me good.
