This Year in Review
wow whatta year. what a million different emotions of existence, whatta goddamn blessing it is that I've made it here! 18 is the year you're supposed to feel young but know that your age finally reflects that you're responsible.
Last April all I could think about was how excited I was to get out and explore the world and be in Portland. I remember visiting and being enthralled by all the vibes that I had never ever come close to experiencing. I remember Seattle with Adrienne and feeling so grateful to have a best friend that understands me and is the same constantly wonderful person to be around. I remember hikes on the C&O and Great Falls and feeling like I finally belonged in a crowd that wasn't out to judge me, only get me. I remember meeting Joe Biden! and spending my 18th birthday in the Presidential Box of the Kennedy Center and loving this goddamn democracy. I remember going gay clubbing to celebrate my birthday and dancing till it hurt and nothing made sense and I remember so many afternoons sitting stoned with my best friends, laughing at things I couldn't remember if I tried but feeling so damn content. I remember graduating and knowing life had so much left for me. I remember beach week and soaking in the sun and the summer, ohh the summer and so much Mike Snow and Pink Floyd and figuring out who I was and what my relationships meant to me and I remember getting down on myself for no reason. I remember months of sadness, of seeing nothing good but getting up every morning anyway. I remember coming to college and being amazed and frankly overwhelmed. I remember finding myself, wholly, I remember when I started to love myself for who I am.
I remember Katie's wedding and wishing Chris was there. I remember falling in love with someone who holds my heart better than anyone ever could or can. I remember making friends who accepted me. I remember making a new best friend. I remember caring, caring so much, too much sometimes, caring constantly. I remember going home and attending a 5 couple gay marriage ceremony at my congregation when gay marriage was legalized in Maryland!!! :) I remember Portland and the feeling of being home. I remember understanding that everything that this year was is everything that I've been and I know 19 is going to treat me well because I had that thought 6 minutes ago when I was 18 :)