between brothers | 1975 | sirius & regulus
late 1975. fourth year. hospital wing, hogwarts. @marauder-sirius He found himself standing around Sirius’ bed for the fourth night in a row, the curtains drawn for maximum privacy. Regulus was out passed curfew again, but found that he didn’t particularly care. He had a right to be here, and he should’ve been informed of his brother’s condition the moment he landed himself into the Hospital Wing. Regulus was angry, pissed, hurt, and more than anything concerned for the elder male laying in the dreaded hospital bed.
They said it was food poisoning but Regulus knew better. He was observant and nobody could fool him when it came to his own brother. The whole month had been odd, the events leading up to his hospitalization was a dead giveaway. The way Sirius had gotten suspended from Hogwarts (suspensions from Hogwarts was extremely rare) for two weeks, how he had written his parents and they didn’t tell him anything he didn’t already know, the way the Marauders were less… themselves while he was gone. There was something up with that group of misfits, their usual spark was gone. At first Regulus thought it was because his brother was at home and not there to play sidekick to Potter, but when Sirius returned to them nothing changed. It was like Sirius Black didn’t exist to the Marauders.
Sirius had gotten thinner, he didn’t show up for his meals half the time and Regulus had begun to worry. If he wasn’t so against the Marauders – they had taken his brother away from him in the first place – he would’ve gone to them and demanded answers. He couldn’t go to Sirius because well, he didn’t know how. They hadn’t spoken since the summer, even when they passed each other in corridors. Their Black family bond was nonexistent during the school term, and at home they only bonded over their psychotic parents, but even then, Regulus was the good son and behaved as he was supposed to.
The news of Sirius being hospitalized for food poisoning spread around like muggle STIs. He didn’t believe it. The timing was all wrong, and Sirius was barely around for meals to have gotten any type of food poisoning. So Regulus did what any good brother would do, he snuck into the hospital wing and read Sirius’ file. Attempted suicide. Regulus felt as if he was being punched in the gut, because he couldn’t breathe. Sirius couldn’t… he wouldn’t… how? How could he have tried to take himself away from Regulus permanently. Surely, he wasn’t the best brother, but Sirius was his and he wasn’t allowed to go and get himself killed (by his own hand, no less).
Regulus had taken up residence by Sirius side, ever since. Only at night when the elder was sleeping. There was no way he would let his brother know he had been here, although he had taken to leaving a dozen of liquorice wands by his bedside table every night because it was both his and Sirius’ favorite candy as children. It was still his favorite, he didn’t know if it was Sirius’ and found himself wondering if his brother still fancied them. Regulus liked to sit down in the chair by the bed and watch the way his torso would as he inhaled and then exhaled right after. It was proof that he was still here, still alive and still, somehow, Regulus’. That brought the younger Black comfort. He was selfish, he realized on the second night, because he came here for comfort. He came here every night to make sure Sirius was okay, just for himself. Sirius probably didn’t want him here, and he didn’t have the balls to visit him while he was awake and test that theory himself. He was scared that Sirius would reject him, would hate him, and somehow blame Regulus for not being there for him. The Slytherin would let him, because he knew he had played some part in the neglect Sirius received from their family.
There was so much regret on the younger’s part, and he shared that with the sleeping boy because Sirius couldn’t hear him while he was sleeping. He wouldn’t know of the blame that Regulus felt in his act, because he wasn’t a good brother, because Sirius should’ve been able to come to him, because Sirius felt as if he had no one, because Sirius was still one of the most important people in his life and Regulus would do next to anything for him, and he didn’t know it. Sirius didn’t know that Regulus still loved him despite their differing personalities, despite the different paths they were sure to take in life, despite his rebellious nature and his flaws and mistakes, despite the fact that Sirius had replaced him with Potter, Regulus loved his elder brother and nothing could change that.