#20.8.2021

[prosy-days]

August 20, 2021 - Day 62

Setting up on my couch rather than my table.

[godsnameisjoy]

TWO MEDITATIONS

Date: 20 August 2021

Duration: 37 minutes at 9:48 PM and 40 minutes at 11:11 PM

Depth:

The quality of both my meditation sessions is not something I would write about. Nothing much there. My entire mind was in another space through the daylight hours and I got a chance to enter the level of intuition while meditating only at night. A restless mind at the depth of intuition is a discomforting space.

The first time I meditated, I was filling the time waiting for a washing machine cycle to complete. Also, I was finally doing what I had promised myself I would do in daylight hours. While meditating the first time, I had made up my mind to do it again after putting out washed clothes for drying.

The sessions are marked by a shallow level of consciousness: read memories and awfully shallow level intuition: read psychedelic. Thankfully, once you have meditated enough numbers of times you know how to be patient with an agitated mind. In fact, meditation beyond a point can take away the edge of one’s impatience.

My body shook involuntarily far more aggressively during the end of the second session rather than any other time. This whole phase lasting indefinite number of weeks may very well be about preparing the body to hold surplus energy better. And only when I accomplish this seemingly easy task will I be granted a glimpse into a mind deeper than my present best.

#hongsau

#meditation

#God

#paramhansayogananda

#20August2021

[puregrief]

I'm only valid in their eyes if I work my ass off doing chores around the house. I'm fucking sick of this shit.

[puregrief]

Writing this half asleep, but I'm too old to play games and not confront someone with something I'm upset about. I don't beat around the bush anymore, I cut the damn bush and have a panic attack while doing it instead. Like I'm just too old for this shit and I've already outstayed my welcome, so might as well get to the bottom of things while I'm at it.

[puregrief]

طبخت مكرونة من الصفر بعد الشيفت بتاعي وخلصتها بعد ساعة ونص وكلتها ع السرير وأنا بشوف "ازاي قابلت أمك" وكانت ❤فشيخة❤ وحاسة إني بقيت ناضجة كده وبنت كبيرة. أو حياتي مفشوخة لدرجة إني طبخت مكرونة الفجر عشان الرأسمالية دايسة ع وشي. بس لأ غالبًا ناضجة عادي.

[puregrief]

المديرة بتاعتي مانعة إننا نعتذر في الكولز تمامًا وقالتلنا نقول بدالها "شكرًا إنك عرّفتني" وأنا مش عارفة أبطل اعتذار خالص وطول اليوم شغالة أسف لكل من هب ودب وحاسة إنها لو كلمتني إني أبطل اعتذار هقولها "أنا آسفة والله بس مش عارفة أبطل أقول آسفة!" ربنا ياخدني بحق وحقيقي بجد. عايزة أعيط.