#2014diary

[a-tridentsymbol-blog]

2nd post in a span of 10 minutes because there's really so much I wanna get off my chest. I have this overwhelming urge to escape to somewhere, anywhere, for a day to just do nothing/get my shit together. but everyone's harping that there's only 99 days left to A levels, and I know that's supposed to scare/motivate us into working harder for this last stretch, but all the more it just pushes me to explore anything and everything. 

I like to think that I have a tradition of unwinding by doing little things I love closer to exams, that it helps to calm me down. I get stressed quite easily, although I like to con myself into thinking otherwise. but one can't escape from the truth, and living in denial will only cause worse spillover effects. 

and I would love to explore my surroundings with someone I'm comfortable with, but sadly no one has the time (for me). and I'm so scared of getting rejected again every time I open my mouth and ask someone out (in the most platonic sense). and that kills me a little inside, I think.

I'm comfortable alone, but whenever I see others with company, it reminds me that I don't fancy being alone. 

[a-tridentsymbol-blog]

There’s so much going through my head recently, of which the most negative ones would probably have to do with my friends. Don’t get me wrong, they are all great and I love them all so much, but sometimes you can’t help feeling insignificant. I’m always in the mood to go out and explore, and sometimes I’ll invite people along. It’s fine if they told me on the spot that they can’t make it. After all, not many people would agree to a spontaneous trip for no purpose in particular. But what annoys me the most is that my friends would agree and we would make plans and I would look forward to it so much and even more so nearing the date, and every single time they would inform me a few hours before that they, at the last minute, couldn’t make it. It frustrates me so bad, because their excuses for not turning up are all valid, and I can’t actually throw a fit and demand that they show up. At the same time, I feel so, so, so betrayed, for a lack of words. It’s not happened just once or twice, but every single time for the past one and a half month’s worth of invitations. Till the point whereby I’m now convinced that anyone I try to ask out will cancel on me last minute, so if I don’t ask anyone out, I can’t get stood up, right? Life’s boring without friends, but life’s bitter when everyone cancels on you last minute. I think I can get used to boring.