So last year started off really bad. We were maybe an hour into the new year and I was on some social media and i had found out one of my first internet friends had killed himself (this was later proven false) so either way I go and text my real life friend to tell them, just to find out that they were having a breakdown and then we were both upset and then I had to pull myself together and be the bigger person, which isn’t always easy. And then after that I was always high key worried about them and then I found out that they liked me and i was like shit thats gay and then i realized that it made me feel really happy and i was like shit thats reallly gay and then after two weeks of intense contemplation and staying up at night kind of having a sexuality crisis kind of trying to figure out if i liked the person or not, i told one of my really good internet friends(lets call them toast don’t ask why) that i thought i might like the person previously mentioned. So then toast fuckin freaked out because they wanted me and that person to get together so god damned. So later that night after some reassurance from toast i confessed to the person that i liked them. Then we started dating and that was my frst relationship ever and i was so happy witht them. After that things were going great! Everything was happy and nice for a couple of months. Then spring break rolled around and i was happy that i finally got some time off of school! But it was during that week that things really turned to shit. I’m honestly not sure what happened, but something snapped in me and suddenly for some reason i was just always feeling sad and alone. I had virtually no social contact during that week and everything was bad. Things stayed bad until may, and then i had my first kiss and i was kind of happy again. If I recall correctly things stayed decent until the beginning of summer. My friends were gone for the first two weeks of summer. They were off on vacation so they could hardly even text me. I was a lonely wreck and I swear I must have hit an all time low. Everything was horrible and pretty much the entire first month of summer i never did anything. And then marching band started up. Three hours of the most intense physical exertion I have ever experienced in my entire life. I despised it at first, and I really wanted to quit. But then I got to know all of the nice people in my section, and it became really fun and pleasant. All of the kids were so nice. So things were good and then school started back up! I was happy but sad at the same time. It was good because I finally got to be social again, but i was upset because I had no classes with my partner. And then homecoming came along. I had to go for the game because marching band preformed at halftime. I hadn’t wanted to stay for the actual dance, but my partner and some friends had pretty much forced me to attend. Homecoming was horrible. My friends that had forced me to go had abandoned me for loud music and dancing: two of my least favorite things. So of course I wouldn’t join them in the gym, where the music was the loudest. It wasn’t even music I liked so of course I wasn’t fucking going in there. My friends were like “Hey you should come dance with us!!!!!!!1111111!!!1!” but I declined the fuck out of that; dancing has never been something I liked to do with people around. So since my friends had left me alone I just kinda sat in the corner for two hours trying to hold back tears. One of my other friends had been there two, bless her soul. She was the only person who kept me from leaving; as she was just as lonely as I was but she couldnt leave until it was over. So we sat in the corner together dying on the inside. I went home and vented to one of my closest friends, and he did his best to make me feel better. That was the night I decided I wasn’t going to another dance for the rest of highschool; apart from junior and senior prom because my mom will make me go to those whether I want to or not. Then I broke up with my partner because we never really saw each other anymore. It wasn’t to bad, and they and I are still very good friends. Eventually band season ended and suddenly I had too much free time. I was okay with it though, as it just game me more time to watch youtube. When Halloween came around, my “best friend” ditched me to go trick or treating with some guy she met like two months ago, and then ditched him as well. And then Donald Trump got elected for president. I’m not even going to go into depth about how that made me feel. Then some guy that I had hardly known for maybe two months admitted to liking me. I felt so pressured from everyone around me, so I eventually just caved and told him I would go out with him. We didn’t date for long, and I figured as much. Something felt off when I started dating him, but I simply brushed it off. Haha, that was a mistake. Not too long afterwards, my “best friend” invited two of my closest friends to go to snowfest with her. I swear I cried nearly all day that day, that girl hardly even thought of me anymore; which was scary because we had been friends since the fourth grade. When I asked her why she didn’t invite me she just said “I can’t take everyone everywhere I go” and then brushed it off. I felt like an idiot getting so worked up over virtually nothing, but I was just so bothered that she never thought about me anymore. She never tried to text me, and the one time I suggested that we hang out, she acted disinterested. Of course I’m far too afraid to get her out of my life, so I haven’t. And now it’s January first, 2017. Things haven’t been going great lately, but I’ve experienced worse. I’m glad that the new year has finally come around. I graduate from highschool in June of 2020, which really isn’t too far away anymore. I’m not sure what the future is going to hold, but I pray that it holds good fortune. Not just for me, but for everyone. Happy new year
