perception
There's been so much on my mind and heart that I've wanted to share since getting engaged to Jon at the start of January. It's been such a beautiful, surreal time, and yet, something's been quietly holding me back. A tiny, toothless monster, whispering doubts and fears into my ears about how I'll be perceived. Will I sound too proud? Too emotional? Too much?
I'm not quite sure when I became the woman who cared so deeply about perception. Anyone who truly knows me well will tell you I've always bent the harmonica a little differently. I've hummed my own tune, followed my own thoughts, and made choices that felt right to me, even when they didn't always make sense to others.
And yet, somewhere along the way, I started filtering myself. Trying to pre-edit my joy. Shrinking a little before I spoke. I think it's natural, we all want to be understood, but I'm realising now, I don't want to trade authenticity for approval.
I feel truly, deeply blessed in this season of my life, a season I didn't expect, and for a long time, didn't believe I'd ever experience. The future is never promised to any of us, but for years, it felt especially out of reach for me. So now that I'm living in it — really living in it — I'm soaking up every moment. And I want to share that again. Freely, fully, and without apology.
I've always had the most supportive, incredible Mom, my biggest fan and truest guide. I now have a fiancé who constantly amazes me with his kindness, patience, and love. And soon, I'll be welcoming a whole new family into my life; people I already feel lucky to know.
I get giddy over small things. I light up over silly moments. I'm wildly enthusiastic about the things that make other people roll their eyes, and honestly, I love that about myself. That joy, that softness, that sparkle? It's mine. And I won't dim it.
How I'm perceived? That's no longer any of my business.
But my perception of this life — of the beauty, the growth, the gratitude — that's what matters. That's what I'll keep choosing.
And now, in the spirit of choosing joy and letting myself fully fell this season I'm in... I'll share some photos but with a little disclaimer...
I've taken way too many pictures of my hand with my engagement ring in the sunlight, on hikes, in coffee shops, and during quiet moments at home. Sometimes it was just me and the ring, my precious, and sometimes it was me and the pets because of course they had to be part of it too. They've been with me through so many chapters, and it only felt right to have them in this one. I like to think they'e all approved of the ring in their own special way — whether by sniffing it, sleeping next to it, or just being their chaotic licky selves aorund it.
I used to worry it might seem silly or over-the-top. But honestly, I'm proud. I'm in love. I'm excited. And this ring has been a little reminder on my hand that something I once thought wasn't meant for me — a steady, joyful love — is here. So I take it with me everywhere.
So here's me, sharing what I was once too self-concsious to post. Because I'm done dimming my joy. We're getting married (!!!) and I want to remember this feeling, exactly as it is — pets, ring, and all.
Warning: Excessive ring appreciation aheading, featuring four furry witnesses to the chaos and joy. 💍