No.220
A: It's like I am brainwashed. The feelings are erased. Nothing inside, the thoughts nor the sense. It's like something has eaten up all matters in the brain. It's probably hollow now. You could just imagine vividly how it sounds when you drop your head on the ground like a ball. 'Bonk!', crispy and clear, maybe similar to the falling crystal, but not so close in term of shattering. Cos it will never break, it will bounce back and bounce again and again. 'Bonk!'. 'Bonk!'. 'Bonk!'
S: Why I don't know. I don't realize. I mean I am not entirely aware of it. But after a while, it starts giving me notice, because it's just so hollow. You know right? That kind of feeling, sensing or... whatever.. that even you cut your wrists or burn yourself, you seriously feel nothing of the wounds at all, you do not even feel painful, and so you do not even understand logically that you should stop. But it's not hurt at all, then stopping or not, what's the point? So you leave it, just whatever...
T: ... and that's when you ask yourself 'What's wrong with me?'.
A: Yes. That's how you know there is something wrong. That's how you notice. Even though you feel nothing worth being alerted at all. Simply because, you just feel nothing. 'Nothing wrong', that's what you assume.
T: Perhaps it's not bad after all. Because you feel nothing wrong. Then your state of mind is tranquil, cos nothing works you up, as emotion is not intense and none stirs you up endlessly and exhaustively.
E: However you do feel guilty for such peace. You think you do not deserve being hollow, you have to be full, exhaustive and worked up. You must be, are supposed to be so. Such peace is not entitled for you, simply due to the fact that out there things keep revolving on you, inviting you ontological-ly.
O: You must be filled. You must feel. You must be.
F: What to do. It keeps going, once being dredged, nothing left. Nothing there. But you are okay. You don't feel a thing anyway.
A: You know you are wrong but you don't feel you are wrong. Where to trust? Your 'knowing' or your 'feeling'?
S: I don't know, can you choose? I mean, can YOU decide? Or it is as it is and it is chosen by itself. Even if you side with EITHER the 'knowing' OR the 'feeling', will you do or will it do?
A: If it does, when?
N: If you do, how?
E: Function. It might work don't you think? You thought it must be either one of two: 'knowing' or 'feeling'. Knowing takes actions, feeling goes deep. Usually feeling is hated, or ignored. ...Yes! All pretend and leave it at its surface only. Knowing is the must.
I: 'Feeling' or 'Knowing'? No, you exclude the third one. How about 'Being'? Doesn't it include both and not prefer one to another?
N: And you can always interchange. Definitely.
S: Oh why asking these three for help. Indeed the force they exert orders Chaos, straightening the way while attempting to bring in some substances. Nevertheless, you keep hearing it. Hear! The echo, as if it's always there! 'Bonk!'. 'Bonk!'. 'Bonk!'.
A: Grab that head and put it back! It is bouncing crazily and non-stop.
N: It's so light! That's the thing. That's why nothing could pin it down onto the ground for one second.
I: Yeah, it just keeps whooshing around. Bonk. Bonk. Bonk. The sound is getting annoying. How about asking those three for assistant? Surely, they could do something... (...) ... or not!
T: There is another power present everywhere and it actually takes control of everything... No matter what it will solve everything.
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-AH! RIGHT! IT WORKS!-
