#23.3.2021

[mansikka-wizard-art]

Perspective practice with one of my a6 travelers again

[botanisiertrommel]

Leberblümchen

[prosy-days]

March 23, 2021 - Day 277

It is somehow only Tuesday of this week.

[godsnameisjoy]

CAN’T FEEL MY FACE

Date: 23 March 2021

Duration: 51 minutes at 10:43 PM

Depth: Written in the morning after the session. Here goes-

The restlessness that I am experiencing currently in my practice, is the restlessness peculiar to the intuitive parts of mind. There is uncontrolled hopping from one thought to another except none of these thoughts belong to the faculty of memory. I wasn’t expecting this. I wasn’t ready to take on intuitive restlessness.

Subconscious restlessness has been similar. There was a phase of memories weaving themselves into physically impossible events while sitting upright and meditating. Then there was a phase of my attention being completely hijacked by the subconscious mind’s desires playing themselves out. Then there was the meditative task of undoing the deepest and singularly intense desire of one’s subconscious. At long last, the only thing my subconscious wanted me to do was to relinquish all control via sleeping. And I eventually found a way to refuse this temptation.

It’s possible that there are going to be several such layered battles with the intuitive mind before I get to the other side of it. The initial battle with the intuitive mind was to carry on meditating despite losing all sense of past, present and future. I have found an ounce of success in this department. However, the mid-intuitive layer has a myriad images seeking one’s attention. One night I am getting trapped into universal schemes and another night I am able to detach my attention long enough to watch one breath. It’s a struggle, but I love it.

[puregrief]

Every time I kiss my cat on the mouth I see a flashback of what he was doing with that mouth, and it still doesn't stop me from kissing him. I mean, how can I?