#29oct1981

[crxsswell]

Weary Memory :: Mary & Dirk

October 29, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry // London

It had already been a longer day than most; certainly, after the years spent preparing, fighting, plotting, Albus Dumbledore’s funeral was more than just an outpouring of grief. For some, their sage leader was a symbol of inexhaustible hope. A bright light that could not be extinguished, no matter the storm that blew around him. Others saw a father and a mentor in the kindly man, knowledge to be learned and skills to be passed along that they could never imagine acquiring on their own. Still others saw a way out of their oppression - a revolutionary who could finally upset the established order to the benefit of all. In truth, there were likely as many opinions as there were people present to send the man off on his next great adventure. As the casket closed for the final time, the peaceful expression that was permanently affixed across his face darkened by the heavy lid’s shadow, Dirk felt tears slip relentlessly down his cheeks.

It was more than simple sadness. His death was a loss, surely. But strangely, it also brought with it a strange sense of hope in the unknown. The very picture of everything they’d been fighting was also being laid to rest, and the thought that there was some slim chance to return to a regular life was an intoxicating possibility. He felt an intense thankfulness for his sacrifice, his dedication to the noble fight, as well as the wearying dread that had continued to echo in the back of his mind since the unknown faction rose up from the ranks of both sides. In essence, he was conflicted. It was an end, a new beginning, and a continuation of hostilities. It was nothing he’d ever felt before, and as ceremony ended and the group assembled rose to exit, he found the one face in the crowd he couldn’t imagine not seeing today: Mary.

The pair hadn’t shared a house, but they’d shared their time since his first day at Hogwarts. Two muggle-born students wide-eyed at the mere existence of the magical world, Dirk had always seen more in the dark-haired girl than shared interests; the two seemed to be kindred spirits. Although she’d graduated a year ahead of him, Mary had always treated him as an equal, a peer that despite the small gap in age, never felt burdened by his presence. Inseparable the vast majority of the time, Mary had been Dirk’s confidant, his sounding board, his advice columnist, and of course his closest friend. The year spent without her at school had been particularly long, despite their daily correspondences. He smiled weakly in her direction as the crowd parted, his feet carrying him slowly towards the girl. It seemed unthinkable that Dirk hadn’t seen her since the night of the battle, having avoided her obviously concerned owls over the past week. As the pair met in the doorway of the Great Hall, a sense of intense guilt washed over him.

“Hey you,” He said almost shyly, suddenly nervous to make eye contact for fear of the non-verbal reprimands he’d receive. “I’m sorry I didn’t come visit. I know it was selfish and pretty shite of me. I...I wasn’t myself,” Dirk admitted, his dark eyes finally working up the courage to pick themselves up off the floor to locate Mary’s. “You’re okay, I hope? I feel like a prat for not being there.” Dirk shuffled his feet as the pair stood amongst the rest of the mourners, nodding to other familiar faces as they passed. He continued to mentally brace for his friend’s rebuke, knowing that he’d been an incredibly poor friend over the past week. “Fancy getting out of here? I don’t know if you have any plans, but...Order business can wait, I figure. I think we deserve today.”

[crxsswell]

Dearest Forsaken :: Hogwarts :: Dirk, Daisy, and Lily

He knew days before it happened that the funeral was an eventuality. The man whom so many had come to rely on, to trust - it was only natural that people would want to say goodbye. Dirk just wasn’t sure that he was one of those people.

The coded message came by owl a few days prior to the chosen date, just as he knew it would. In the firewhiskey-fueled haze he’d spent the better part of the last week living in, the young man had considered sending the message back to its sender unopened and continuing his avoidance of any form of responsibility. He’d successfully shirked his work duties for the week and managed to avoid most Order members, save for a few awkward run ins here and there. Although he knew logically that this trend could not continue indefinitely, that at some point he’d have to emerge from his cycle of hangovers and inebriation to become a productive member of society once again, Dirk wasn’t ready to do it yet. He’d read the letter and decoded it, scribbling the particulars down bitterly before shredding the letter and sending the owl away, falling asleep once more under the pounding of his aching head.

He awoke late the next morning, clear-headed for the first time since the battle had ended. Vision once more keen and thoughts no longer addled by the presence of Ogden’s flowing through his blood, the guilt hit him like a sledgehammer to the chest. It wasn’t simply that he’d ignored his duties, at work and to the Order. That alone would have been bad enough. The thought that he’d left his friends behind in a time of need, even for a week, seemed so drastically out of character that he could scarcely believe that he allowed it to happen. Although he knew the pain that awaited him at Hogwarts, Dirk also knew that there was no more running from it. It was time to stand and be counted on the only side he’d ever considered remotely worthy of his dedication.

The sun still hadn’t crested over the familiar hills surrounding Hogsmeade when Dirk appeared next to the Hog’s Head with a gentle pop. He couldn’t be sure he was the first to arrive, but all Order members attending the service were to use the passage through the portrait in the basement, a path he knew had been well worn by some of his classmates during the duller moments in their school tenure. With his wand as his only light, Dirk descended into the unlocked establishment’s basement and crept through the dingy corridor, emerging inside the familiar castle on the other side. His neck craned immediately upwards, as it did so often during his school years, drawn towards the bewitched ceilings as he walked silently through the Great Hall. If the ceiling was any indication, the sky outside was slowly beginning to lighten, dark clouds beginning to be burnt off by the autumn sun. He wondered briefly if this was a sort of sign of better things to come, that the dark before the dawn had finally passed. The thought seemed silly as soon as it had formed, but still - it was nice to feel some minute form of hope on such a dark day.

If Dirk had been given a long list of tasks to choose from, debriefing the professors he’d long held in high regard and trying to maintain order amongst the students as they were marched towards Hogsmeade under careful guard would rank extremely low. Each tear he was unable to stop from falling, each question that drilled in just how alone everyone felt without Him guiding them - it took Dirk everything he had in him to remember the palette of orange and yellows breaking through the greys and blacks on the Great Hall ceiling. He’d spent the last week drowning, only now finding his stoke and gaining breath; he wouldn’t allow himself or others to feel that alone if he could help it. Still, the same three words continued to ring in his ears, long after the last student had passed through the Entrance Hall’s doors: 

“He’s really gone.”

Dirk knew that Lily and Daisy had also been assigned to the same task and he found himself peering through the throngs of students, searching for a glimpse of either of the two young women. As the last of the professors glided back into the Great Hall, assisting with the preparations for the ceremony, Dirk sighed deeply and sunk down against the cold stone wall in the Entrance Hall. Coming to a seat against the base of one of the columns, staring up at the army of golems carved into the stone opposite, he heard the sound of familiar voices. “Have to say, I’m rather happy to see you both,” Dirk said with a weak smile, looking up to watch Daisy and Lily approach. He’d spent a week avoiding any form of contact with this people, unsure if he was ever planning on seeing them again. Yet as they came closer, a small sense of comfort seemed to grow, as if to confirm his decision. Dirk’s eyes were drawn to the windows above him as sunlight had begun to stream into the castle, the low morning light casting long shadows “Seems like it’ll be a nice day outside. Shame we couldn’t have the ceremony on the grounds,” he said wistfully, his vision still upturned. “Safety and all though, I know. How’s everyone?” he asked, although he knew full well what the answer was.