Introspection, Musings, and still totally working on my sh**
So I have been doing some more thinking on my last topic - the power of making decisions ... and I have decided (haha!), I have more to say on the subject. The post is here if you would like to read it but in a nutshell I wrote about the difference between ‘wanting something’ and making a firm decision to go after it and letting nothing stand in your way. For example, one time I ‘wanted’ to participate in a Spartan race (a challenging obstacle race through mud, tires, and all sorts of tricky stuff). I thought to myself, “I am going to get in shape and kick ass at this race! It will be so much fun! I better start training ...”
Well, I think my intense training lasted about 3 days and then, low and behold, my shoulder started to hurt, I got really run down, and all of a sudden I couldn’t afford the fee to participate ... basically, I came up with every excuse not to be able to do it so that I didn’t have to feel like I failed and moved on to my next ‘want’.
Why wasn’t I successful? Because I hadn’t really decided. If I had truly been determined, nothing would have stood in my way. Not a sore shoulder, not being run down, and certainly not $40.
However, upon further reflection, I have realized that there is more to the story ... Although they are key factors, decision-making and determination aren’t the only crucial components when it comes to successfully achieving goals and dreams. There is another big player in the room, one that needs to be looked at if you (like me) seem to be running into the same wall over and over again.
In order to achieve our life ambitions, we need to have (in addition to determination and hard work) ... an unshakable belief that our goal is actually attainable. In other words, we need to believe in ourselves.
Let me explain ...
If I am working towards a goal but deep down, I do not believe that I am capable, worthy, smart enough, strong enough, etc., then it doesn’t matter how much I want it or how hard I work ... I will struggle. Firm decision or not, if my thoughts and feelings (negative) are not in line with my actions (no matter how positive), I will fall flat on my face every time.
It is very simple really, and very law-of-attraction-esque ... what you believe/think about ... you will inevitably manifest. Now, as much as I read about this in self-help books, and listened to Ted talks on it, it wasn’t until I started witnessing it in my own life that I truly became a believer.
I have seen it in my career, my relationships, and it was definitely present in the whole Spartan race debacle! Whenever I have not been successful in my life, even though I have been busting my butt or pursuing all the right avenues, I have discovered (after a little digging and uncomfortable self-reflection) .. that I have had negative thoughts or feelings around the desired goal and myself. (My spartan race thoughts were “I have never been athletic. I’m not strong. I will look dumb. Who am I kidding?!”)
Whereas, in situations where I have had unwavering faith that my dream is within reach, when I have believed with every ounce of my being that I was capable and deserving of my desired outcome, when I visualized myself reaching that finish line ... then Gawd help anything that stood in my way because I bowled it over like a steam engine and didn’t even look back at the carnage.
The bottom line is, our thoughts and beliefs become our reality. It doesn’t matter if we are after love, money, a promotion, better health ..., if we think (often subconciously) that we aren’t smart/pretty/worthy/talented/etc. enough ... then reaching those goals is going to be damn hard.
So, the million dollar question becomes ... how does one get on the unshakable belief train when they are truly a big ball of doubt and insecurity? Well, in my humble “I’m totally still working on my shit’ experience and opinion ... the first step that has helped me is to become aware of the crappy beliefs and thoughts that are holding me back and are usually a bunch of b.s.
Now, I’ll be honest, this part kind of sucks because a)it feels crappy to admit that I am the only thing getting in the way of me reaching my goals and b) it can be painful. Simple as that. Often this crap is stuff we have been lugging around since childhood. Maybe it’s daddy issues (hello me), maybe it’s that you grew up in poverty and don’t feel you are worthy of more, maybe it’s that you were picked last for every team in PE in grade school cause you were terrible at sports so what makes you think you could ever do a Spartan race (hello me, again), whatever it is ... it feels yucky to look at this stuff and it seems way easier to avoid it or better yet, put the blame elsewhere - bosses, economy, sore shoulder, you name it.
However, if we are ever going to move forward and start accomplishing the things we want ... we need to look at this stuff. We need to bite the bullet, cry into a pillow, feel really sorry for ourselves, maybe get some therapy .... and kick those bitches to the curb so we can start living the life of our dreams.
I’m not trying to over-simplify here and I am certainly not saying that bad things don’t happen or that some stuff isn’t out of our control. But I am saying that no matter what you face in life, having positive thoughts and beliefs about yourself and the outcome you desire will do nothing but benefit you and help you along the way.
No one has every looked around at their glorious and fulfilling life and exclaimed “I would never be where I am today if it weren’t for my mediocre attitude, lousy subconscious thoughts, and complete lack of faith in myself and my abilities!”
I’m also not saying that this process is easy either. Rewiring programming that we have been rocking for multiple decades and is often rooted in pain is not going to happen in a day. And it can be (in my experience) a ‘two steps forward, one step back’ kind of thing.
But it’s worth it!
Life is way too short to keep limiting ourselves with junky beliefs. Sooo, do a little soul-searching and examine what beliefs or thoughts might be holding you back. Ask for some feedback from people you trust and get some help to work through it (I wasn’t joking about the therapy). And then, start visualizing, meditating, daydreaming ... bathing in sage and crystals ... I don’t care, just get to a place of faith. Faith in yourself, faith in your capabilities, and faith in your goals.
Add some hard work and tenacity to that and you will be amazed what you can do.
Promise.
You will see it, when you believe it. ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer