#30secondstomarsfanfic

[heavenlydreamerblog]

In Too Deep (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/CtjfKz65KU Meet Lexy. She's heading for a new life in LA, hoping to leave behind traumatic family memories in Louisiana. What she doesn't bargain for is a double Leto whammy in the City of Angels. Lexy wants the ultimate escape from small town life. What she doesn't expect is the ultimate journey of sexual discovery. But at what expense?

[heavenlydreamerblog]

In Too Deep (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/KhYHmV4yEU 

So chuffed that this has had more than 3,000 reads on Wattpad. I’ve loved every moment of writing about Jared, Lexy and Shannon. Thanks to all of you who read, comment and bother to vote because it means so much to all writers. I won’t mention names but thanks to all who’ve supported me xoxoxo

[caroline18mars]

Can't find yourself - Chapter 1

Juggling two bags of groceries, she cursed under her breath as her only free hand blindly dug through the contents of her bag. What was it with keys that always seemed to be lost when you most needed them? Just when one of the milk bottles threatened to slip out of her bag, her long fingers wrapped around the little pieces of serrated steel. The heavy door slowly opened as she put her weight against it and hurried towards the kitchen counter to put her grocery bags on them and she sighed a little as the irritating bleep of the house alarm notified her that she needed to hurry if she didn’t want it to scream the entire neighbourhood down. She quickly tapped in the code and waited for the little light to switch to green before she pushed her lithe body against the stubborn door once again to close it. But just before the last creak  of the door, her eyes fell on the rustling in the wild bushes that surrounded the old and dingy house that she had recently bought after scraping and saving every penny that she earned working two jobs for over two years, ok so the house wasn’t finished, not in the least bit, but at least it was hers, for her it was a sign of her regained independence after the worst break-up in the history of relationships. There it was again, another rustle of leaves but the semi-darkness prevented her from seeing properly, it was probably just the wind, when there was silence once again, she sighed and closed the door.

“Aww sweetie, I’m sorry! Hope you feel better soon, not to worry, I’ll make it a quiet night in then” she hummed methodically into the phone to her friend on the other side of the line “no, don’t be silly! I’ll be fine..ok, talk to you later hun, let me know if there’s anything I can do..ok bye” she ended the call, putting the phone down with another sigh. She hated being stood up, especially on a Saturday night, which was her only night she could actually forget about every single one of her problems on some dancefloor downtown.

 He was hungry, thirsty and judging from his own pungent smell that hit his nostrils as he crawled behind a tree to hide he could do with a long soak in a hot bath as well, he had been walking for days aimlessly, scoring himself a ride here and there from strangers , he’d even jumped on the back of a large freight train as a stowaway for two days. He had lost all sense of direction, he didn’t remember when he had last slept or eaten, in fact the only thing he did know was that he couldn’t remember..anything, not even his own name. Hearing the front door slam shut he knew that she would be out again soon, her coming and going followed the same pattern for as long as he had been ‘camping’ in her front yard now, she would leave at dawn, only to come home at dusk to change into another uniform and then leave again, giving him ample time to catch up on his sleep in her warm and dry garage that was never locked. Shivering against the cold wind, he wrapped his arms around himself trying to keep warm in the thin blue sweater he was wearing, if she would only get a move on, but tonight it seemed she was going to take her time in coming outside again. He sat back against the tree, trying to make himself as tiny as possible so she wouldn’t see him and waited with his eyes firmly fixed on the front door. It wasn’t long before his patience was rewarded because she came out all dressed up, the wind playing with her ringlets, his breath got stuck in his throat just looking at her, to say she was easy on the eye would have been an understatement, she was gorgeous really, especially now he saw her with heavier make-up than usual and her gorgeous curves accentuated by the jumpsuit and very high heels she was wearing. Suddenly there was something that could only be described as a flashback and it made him gasp, it was an image of some woman dressed in nothing but a skimpy bikini, smiling at him on a beach of what looked like a tropical island somewhere, before her face turned into a blur again.

  Keys, money, she checked one last time before she headed towards her car, only to be stopped by what seemed like a loud groan. She stopped in her tracks and her eyes quickly scanned the dark driveway. The noise was gone again, all that could be heard was the wind rustling through the leaves. This was getting freaky, for the last day or so she had the feeling like someone was watching her but every time she turned to check, there was nothing. “hello?” she called out in a shaky voice, but then she realised how silly that sounded, it wasn’t as if someone was going to jump out of the woods and answer her. Her mind was definitely playing tricks on her because of all the sleep deprivation and her acute need for a holiday. Shaking her head sarcastically she walked to the car and started the engine, tonight wasn’t exactly a holiday going out all by herself but she sure was going to make the most of it and it would help her take her mind off things that much was certain.

  Soon as the car’s taillights was all he saw, he came out of his hiding place and walked to her garage as fast as his sore legs would carry him. Just like the other nights the garage was unlocked and the warm, vibrant smell of cardboard boxes welcomed him. Just when he wanted to make his improvised bed for the night with an old mattress and some blankets that were lying around, his eyes fell on the open door that granted access to the actual house. He couldn’t..he shouldn’t..that would be invading someone’s privacy after all..but he needed to have a wash, if he was quick and cleaned up after himself she would never have to know.. It was like he couldn’t stop himself, he was drawn to the door that he quickly opened and stepped inside of the house. The moonlight hardly lit up the living room and without thinking twice he flicked on a little lamp on the dresser next to him and looked around. It was clear to see she hadn’t lived here long if the scarce decoration was anything to go by. Did he live like this as well? Did he even have a house? If only he could remember, so many people along the way had asked him for his name but he couldn’t even remember something as simple as that. The only thing he did know was that he needed to get away, away from that hospitalbed, away from all those strange faces that hovered over him, asking him every five seconds if he was ok, if he remembered them at all, he didn’t and that was final. His head hurt so much and he felt a bit dizzy, his legs started to shake, the days without food or drink started to take its’s toll on his already slender body, he needed to sit down for a minute and stumbled towards the couch which was strangely comfortable considering its’ age and the state it was in.

[caroline18mars]

Surrender to nothing - Chapter 21

  “Don’t take it out on him, Charlotte, it’s plain to see he’s hurting..” Tom shook his head and squinted his eyes as the door slammed shut behind Jared who just stormed out of the room without another word, it was clear that her words had ripped him apart. “he’s hurting?? Why are you taking his side all of a sudden? He could have thought about that before he pushed me to have an abortion..too fuckin’ little, too fuckin’ late, Tom! He should be happy for fuck’s sake, he got what he wanted but maybe all this wasn’t enough for him, maybe I should have died too, get rid of all his problems in one go” she spat at Tom in frustration and anger, frustrated with not having someone to hold her and comfort her right now because she just chased him away and angry at herself because she hadn’t even able to keep her unborn child safe from harm, whatever had possessed her to ride a bike in her condition? How stupid and reckless of her was that? Shannon stepped from behind Tom when he noticed how upset she was “will you stop and listen to yourself? For fuck’s sake, Charlotte, you haven’t got a clue what went on when you were in coma, I’ve seen him go through hell and back, I’ve seen him sit by your bed every day and night, refusing to go home, let alone sleep so he could be there if and when you woke up. So if that isn’t proof enough for you that my brother loves you more than anything else in the world, I don’t know what will..you’re not the only one suffering here, so stop wallowing in that goddamn self-pity of yours and get him back in here so you can start talking to each other..” Shannon was panting by now, regretting his rant already when he saw the hurt and shocked look on her face, emotions were running high and because of that, things were being said that weren’t supposed to be said “just go..both of you..” she stuttered in a tear-stricken voice, closing her eyes and curling up into a little ball which made her seem even tinier and more fragile than she already was. “No..that’s not what I meant, Charlotte..don’t..” Shannon tried to explain, knowing he had overstepped a line with her, but his attempt was met by a soft, sarcastic howl “Just leave..” Tom grabbed his arm when he wanted to step forward to her and shook his head “no..don’t..come on” he whispered, dragging him out of the room with him before he did even more damage to her wounded heart and soul.

  Shannon found his brother sitting against the wall down the hall, legs crossed, his hands tangled in his already messed up hair, his head hung low “hey..are you ok?” he said trying to catch his attention, crouching down in front of him. His soft spoken words made Jared lift his head and look at him with bloodshot eyes “She’s right, Shannon, I’ve made her kill the baby, what kind of a man does that make me? she hates my guts, Shan and I can’t say I blame her cause I hate myself for doing this to her” the words just came flooding out, unstoppable like a tidal wave. Shannon put his hand on Jared’s shoulder, “hey, stop that, you din’t do anything..you wanted to stop her from going through with the abortion but you just couldn’t reach her, remember? It’s nobody’s fault, Jay..these things just happen..I know for a fact that she’s beating herself up right now about the fact that she got on that motorbike..so you’re both feeling a lot of guilt..which you shouldn't be..” a pair of approaching footsteps resounding in the empty hall stopped him from continuing and slowly turning his head he could see a doctor about to enter Charlotte’s room. From the stack of papers he was holding he knew immediately what type of news she was about to get. It was the same news Jared had gotten acouple of days ago and it was exactly the reason why he was sitting here like this now, in fact the news had almost destroyed him so it was best if she would hear what she was about to hear in private and from a doctor. He could only hope that the news would make her see the situation and the people involved in a different light.

  “Charlotte, how are you feeling?” the doctor breezed into the room,his words hardly making her lift her head to acknowledge his presence. When his question was met by a shrug of her shoulders, he frowned and walked up to the bed, pulling a chair up to sit next to her. “your friend informed me just now that you’ve started to remember what happened..Look, Charlotte, I know this is very hard news to take for you right now..so if you want, I can get someone from our team of psychologists to come down and have them talk to you about some counselling..a miscarriage and the trauma it brings is something that definitely needs to be tended to” Finally she looked at him, her eyes dull and full of hurt “when can I go home?” she ignored his proposal. The doctor just sat back a little and straightened his back, even from looking at her he could see that it would be a waste of time to try and convince her into having some therapy she desperately needed right now. “Well, I would like to keep you here overnight so we can do some more tests and keep your concussion and the amnesia under supervision, so if your tests come back clear in the morning, you can go home but I would like to keep you under some home supervision for another week, I’ll arrange for a nurse to come and visit you every day, she can also be there for you if you do feel the need to talk about what happened” he said in a soothing voice but once again his attempt fell on deaf ears because her eyes seemed to look right through him and then wandered off to the stack of papers that were resting on his lap. “What are those?” she grew curious when she saw her name scribbled across the first page. The doctor wriggled in his seat a bit “These are the results of the DNA test you requested a while ago to find out about the identity of your baby’s father..remember?” For the first time since she had opened her eyes, she hated being able to remember again, because in a split second it all came rushing back to her so vividly, the hospital, the tests and even the needles used for this paternity test that Jared had urged her to do. She shook her head like she wanted to shake those memories away but of course without success “yes..yes, I remember” she swallowed hard, she was about to find out who her baby’s father was, her deadbaby’s father, but what did that matter now? It was not like she was going to miss the unborn life inside of her any less if Cedric turned out to be the father or would it?. Her train of thought got interrupted once again by the doctor “The only reason I’ve brought you these results is because you were the one who requested the test of course, but experience tells me that it also helps the patient to get some perspective and clarity into the mourning process” he said, flicking through the papers to draw out a list with numbers on them and continued “so you know that Mr. Leto provided us with some of his DNA-samples and we’ve compared those with the samples we took from the foetus and..” he paused to look at her “..and the results had a 99;9% match, so that means that Mr. Leto is..or was indeed the donor..”

  She could feel her blood pressure shoot up and her heart started kicking wildly in her chest when she heard the news, so Jared was the father after all which was a relief and another burden at the same time, a relief because somehow she had known all along that he was the one who had put that baby there in the first place and a burden because maybe she had secretly hoped that it would be Cedric’s so she would have a reason to detach herself from all the guilt she was feeling and move on from all this. She rolled on her back, covering her eyes “does Jared know about this?” she sighed, trying to get her breathing and her heartbeat under control. “Yes..he does, Mr. Leto knows, I told him after the urgency team brought you here..I had to follow medical procedures and tell the biological father that you had..a miscarriage due to the crash” he nodded, pulling out his stethoscope seeing the distress she was putting herself through again and check on her IV “your blood pressure is still way too high, so I’ll give you some more sedatives and I’m going to send someone down here from our trauma team anyway, I know you’re not really keen but..” he stopped when she grabbed his hand “No..please..no nurse..no psycholgist, no sedatives, I really appreciate all you’re doing but right now I just want to be alone for a while, I’ll be fine, honestly” she pleaded with him without even being able to control the first of a new batch of tears that started to trickle down her face.