YOU’RE SUCH A DIPSHIT AND I HATE YOU FOR BEING SO CHARMING AND CHARISMATIC. I HATE THAT EVERY TIME I FUCKING SEE YOU, I LOSE MY BREATH AND FEEL MY HEART CONSTRICT BUT YET I WANT TO SEE YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE SO FREAKING BEAUTIFUL. I HATE HOW SEEING YOU LEAVES ME DISORIENTED- WITH MY MIND SPINNING AND MY HEART ACHING FOR SOMETHING THAT WAS NEVER REAL IN THE FIRST PLACE. I HATE HOW YOU’RE ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS I THINK OF IN THE MORNING AND ONE OF THE LAST THOUGHTS I HAVE BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP. I HATE HOW I HAVE TO MENTALLY PREPARE MYSELF TO WALK INTO CLASS AND TO WALK THE HALLWAYS BECAUSE I MIGHT SEE YOU. I HATE HOW THE MERE THOUGHT OF YOU CAN STOP ME IN MY TRACKS, MAKE ME SHUT MYSELF OFF FROM EVERYONE, AND LEAVE ME SAD FOR HOURS. I HATE HOW ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS MENTIONING YOUR NAME GIVES ME THIS ACHING FEELING IN MY CHEST. I HATE HOW I HAVE TO KEEP MY FACE FROM FALTERING WHEN THEY MENTION YOUR NAME AND TRY NOT TO BREAK DOWN BECAUSE I DON’T WANT PEOPLE THINKING YOU EVER HURT ME. I DON’T WANT TO GIVE THEM MORE REASON TO TALK ABOUT YOU AND TO HATE YOU. I HATE HOW I LOOK FORWARD TO SOMEONE MENTIONING YOUR NAME SO I COULD HEAR ABOUT HOW YOU’RE DOING AND PRETEND FOR A MINUTE THAT WE ARE ON SPEAKING TERMS AND THAT WE ARE ‘FRIENDS’. I HATE HOW THE LITTLEST THINGS CAN REMIND ME OF YOU: SWIMMING, 3AM, THE COLOR RED, GLASSES, IPHONES, WILL SMITH, COMMUNITY COLLEGE, ENGLISH CLASS, SCHOOL BUSES, TWILIGHT, SWEATPANTS, WATER BOTTLES, SHOULDER PAIN, SKYPE, CHURCHES, MY RELIGION, DUFFEL BAGS, THE NOTEBOOK, AND MY CELL PHONE. I HATE HOW YOU STILL MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY DESPITE ACTING AS IF I DON’T EXIST FOR THE LAST TWO MONTHS. IT’S SO HARD TO PUT A STRONG FACE ON WHEN YOU’RE EVERYWHERE, BUT I HAVE TO DO IT ANYWAY BECAUSE I KNOW THAT YOU LEAVING IS NOT THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN. I HAVE MADE IT THROUGH WORSE, AND I WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS.
