#40ism

[40ism]

Hi! Happy birthday Ian! I bet you thought I was kidding when I promised to include UB40 somehow for your 40th birthday but you should know I never kid about the dulcet tones of UB40. 

This is your birthday gift from me and 150+ other folks who love and like you so much: a mix but also a multimedia extravaganza and just so much more. Believe me when I say I’ve read all of the thoughts of these people and I don’t think anyone has ever gotten this much love for any birthday.

The songs aren’t in an aesthetic order, they’re just ordered as they came in to me. What is there to tell you about this mix?

Word clouds are hard sometimes but as expected: Los Campesinos!, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Hot Chip, Mogwai, Low are all here so a big Ian vibe.

What are you waiting for? Check out the About page for more info and the tags to get around a bit easier!

[40ism]

i sorta knew it was forever

I hate summer. I’m from an ever worsening climate disaster of a tropical paradise but you could call it what it is: a swamp. You and I always talk about how summers aren’t like they were when we were kids—both of us spending hours in different bodies of water and avoiding our moms with the sunscreen. Now it’s hot. It’s humid. It’s disgusting. We call ourselves indoors kids with a sense of pride. Wake us up when the air is crisp, when you can wear clothing without sweating through it.

Yet that’s exactly where you came from, the heart of summer, an August Leo if I ever saw one. The summer before we met, I saw the movie Beginners (2011) in theatres one afternoon on my own, a revelation for many kinds of people but especially for me: a lonely only child who wasn’t sure what I was looking for. The movie put into words something I understood deep down: I wouldn’t settle for a giraffe or anything at all except a lion. I had no idea what a lion was then but I’d know it when I saw it. Pretty soon, there you were. 

Falling in love is easy, especially with you. I’ve fallen in love with you more times than I can count. You are kind and generous and funny and brilliant. You’re silly and gentle, you’re thoughtful and creative. We’ve spent almost 18 months constantly together and we’ve had our testy moments but I’ve fallen in love with you for some reason or other every single day, in small mundane ways that feel altogether important, like the vegetables and fiber of our relationship. Putting together this mix, this project, this overwhelming behemoth of a birthday gift, has had me falling in love with you again every single time I heard from yet another person who loves and likes and respects and admires you. Seeing you not just from the perspective of being your wife or the person who sees you every day reminded me how special and incredible you are. 

Like I said, falling in love with you was easy, the most wonderful surprise of destiny; letting you know and love me every day was and is the most terrifying decision of my life.

you must decide to risk your heart for love to find you

I pushed all of my feelings down for years and smashed into other people without letting my walls down. It was huge and risky to even think about being vulnerable, asking for what I needed, opening up in ways where you’re not in control. Everyone jokes about the mortifying ordeal of being known but it’s Ari Aster levels of horror for so many of us. I let you love me right away but did I let you fully know me in my messy and damaged and traumatized ways all the time? No. Do I even struggle with this now, with the fear that something will be the final straw that pushes you away? Absolutely. It’s a risk but it’s worth it every single day—you are worth every risk, this is worth any risk. 

I’ve known you for all of your 30s. I’ve seen you become you but who am I kidding? You’ve always been you. You’re just getting better, you’re getting more comfortable, you’re showing off as you run circles around the rest of us. We are not where we thought we’d be a decade ago but somehow this is even better. It feels like a gift to face the completely unexpected again and again with you and not just get through it together but grow and become better together in the same direction, in ways that complement each other. I know it’s because we’re lucky but I also know it’s because we face whatever comes our way—we take the risk together, hand in hand. You are my destiny but we are a decision we make every single day. 

I was a girl when we met. Maybe not technically but emotionally that’s where I was. A lot of loss, a lot of tough stuff, but still in a reactionary, defensive place about everything; it’s something I occasionally struggle with still. You and I are not the people who say that one of us saved the other or even saved each other—we aren’t those people. But you are the person who told me I could save myself, who stood next to me as I figured out who I was and what I wanted. I don’t think I become who I am without you or at least not with this much love and this quickly. Thank you for loving me unconditionally; thank you for showing me what it’s like to be loved unconditionally. 

You put this song on one of the first mixes you made me and I loved it. You’ve gifted me with so much perfect music over the years that this slipped into a pocket of my brain for a few years where I forgot about it. When it turned up in this month’s People’s Pop poll, it swam back to me and I remembered the very specific feeling of falling in love with you despite my past, my fears, my absolute terror of being hurt or harmed or just actually known. More than that, I remembered how lucky I am to even know you let alone go through life with you. The world’s on fire, a pandemic rages on, capitalism is destroying us all, but my life, our life, makes sense every single day I wake up with you. You’re my summer, the one we used to have and love; now we’re together in the water, sun warm on our shoulders, avoiding the terror of being alive at this moment in history just for a little bit, just for a little longer. 

when you’re with me it’s always summer

[40ism]

Ian!! Ok, before I explain the song (which has an explanation, don't worry), I just want to say a few things about you that I think are very important to say (and I apologize for not saying them sooner). I consider Anais my family, my sister to be exact, which technically makes you my brother-in-law. As you know from experience, it is always a bit nerve-wracking and difficult when people become part of or marry into your family. You're immediately hit with barrage of questions about not only who the hell this person is but also about who they will be to YOU. When Anais first told me about you, I admit, I was a little a little skeptical about your greatness, about your kindness, about what exactly you wanted...not because I didn't believe you, just because I didn't know you and I'm protective of the ones I love. It didn't take very long to see that you truly cared about Anais and treated her with the respect and love she deserves, but that question of "What role does this person play in my life now?" was something that took a little longer to answer. As I got to know you and as I got to witness y'all's relationship, I not only started to hold you in high regard as a human being but you also became my friend and an essential part of this bizarro chosen family unit that means so much to me and is one of the most meaningful parts of my life. You easily (and quickly) earned one of the very limited and coveted spots among my small Pantheon of Good Cishet Men. Over the years, you've simply just proved this over and over again. You and Anais have gone through so much together, and I've learned a lot about being a kind and compassionate partner from watching you and hearing about what you do. You are strong when you need to be, you're not afraid to be vulnerable when the situation calls for it, you make us all laugh, and you put up with our dumb, childlike senses of humor and the ideas our corrupted minds think up out of nowhere. And beyond that, in the back of my mind, I know that when I share my secrets with Anais there is the potential that they might make it back to you, and honestly, there aren't many other people who make me feel as comfortable with that reality as you do. You're truly one of the smartest, most interesting, and most thoughtful human beings I've ever had the privilege to know. And I'm so glad you've become part of my family! 

All right, not to make a hard pivot but I do feel like I have to explain the song because it's probably not obvious at all. When I was thinking about song to include for you here, I wanted to give you something fun that was kind of connected to Anais and me but that also had some kind of significant substance that would mean something to you, as well. I don't know if you know, but one of the major radio stations in South Florida during our childhoods was called Power 96, and one of the most important DJs on Power 96 was DJ Laz. Laz was also one of the key pioneers of the sound of Miami Bass (which I know you are familiar with), and although I don't think he's the best Miami Bass artist, I do think he's most representative of the fact that Miami Bass was largely created by and influenced by the various Caribbean communities of South Florida (of which Anais is apart of). In my opinion, this fact is often overshadowed by critics and music historians who really want to situate Miami Bass directly within hip hop, an attempt that kind of ignores the sonic complexities and diversity of the sound. "Esa Morena" is probably the most beloved DJ Laz song out of all of them, and if you were the one who had immigrated here, it is a song you would hear at nearly every outing to a bar, party, major sports game, or in between sets at shows. It is simply just such an inescapable part of being in South Florida, and I wanted to make sure you heard it, too. I hope you enjoy it! 

In all seriousness...Happy Birthday to one of the absolute realest ones to ever do it!! I love you a lot!!!

(Ed. note: babe I’m so sorry about the baby alligator)

[40ism]

I appreciate all 150+ people who submitted to this birthday project for Ian and I’m so grateful for your time and effort and thoughtfulness! That being said, some memes were made to encourage y’all to get with it and turn stuff in by the deadline and in this case, bullying works!

[40ism]

Remember when we had so much free time and disposable income that we could fly to NYC just to see a Los Campesinos! show and hang out? I have fond memories of those days and of you celebrating this track. I hope next time LC! comes around you still have it in you. Just kidding, I know you do! Happy birthday buddy! 

—Julia Della Camera

(Ed. note: I had to include this second photo, them’s the rules.)

[40ism]

Some years ago, and I think several times, imathers and I spoke over Tumblr about how special this "Ceremony" cover is. It takes the sublimated romanticism of the New Order original and circles it in pen vigorously until the paper tears under the effort and then slows it down to half speed and drowns it in guitar fuzz and it's one of my favorite things in the entire world. Anyway, Ian pointed out to me, with that skill he has for those little details, the way the base kicks in on the word "forever" and ever since, every time I hear it, I notice that and think of him. There are not many people in my 3D life who like this kind of music and particularly not with the passion that I do, and I have particularly enjoyed over the years chatting with Ian about shoegaze, Spiritualized, and dreampop music. I can't even remember how we ended up mutuals on Tumblr because it was at least ten years ago (W-T-F) but it still makes me smile to see his name pop up and to read his takes, whether it's politics or music or just being a good dude in general. Happy Birthday, Ian. I'm going to cheat a little bit and throw in this video as well of the same song - the vocals are a little wrecked, but the drums are massive and the guitars are monumental. And Dean Wareham's wearing a Spaceman 3 shirt, and so the circle is complete.  

---rubyvroom

[40ism]

I first met Ian at a gradschool party when I was in grad school at McMaster. I remember thinking it was sooo cool to meet someone else who really liked the National (at that point it still felt rare - I know, I know).  More recently when the National was putting out new music and i was going to a show I had some Facebook status where I threatened to throw a tantrum if they didn't play Lemonworld (not reasonable) and ian very nicely commented "I hope they play Lemonworld for you". I thought that was a very nice response to my utterly inane threat to throw a tantrum, and it made me laugh. I haven't seen Ian IRL in a very long time (i think the last time was when I spotted him from far away absolutely rocking out to the National during a show - maybe Massey Hall?) but i have always kept Ian on social media because he is a measured, kind and reasonable voice on social media who posts interesting and thought provoking things. Also, I would never remove a clearly good dude - how many of those do we have. 

I hope Ian has a birthday that is as perfect as High Violet.

---Justine Ajandi

[40ism]

This is one of many songs that Ian and I sing to Nuggy—”The Nug Song” obviously.

let me seeeee that nuuuuuuuuugggggggggg/that nug nug nug nug nug

Ian sometimes says she’s a dump truck from hell and honestly? This song has a lot to do with it.

Ian is so sweet and so kind to animals, especially Nuggy. She adores him and likes to sleep with him when he’s napping in bed alone. I love to catch sight of Nuggy staring at Ian or jumping up on the stool next to his desk and pressing her paw on his arm for his attention. It’s lovely, it’s just really perfect to see how simpatico they are, how much they love each other. 

Nuggy says happy birthday and that she’s glad she’s not the only middle aged person in the apartment now.