He needs the escape from her, from work, from his children, from everyone that needs something from him, ...from me. He doesn’t have to be something to her, she bends to his every whim. He can sit, relax, breath, turn off, enjoy silence within the walls and inside his head and completely “check out” from all responsibilities.
But he’s playing with fire. With Hope. He wants his cake and to eat it too. I feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for him. I wish I didn’t but I know I do. I am jealous. But not of her, of the time. What he gives me I value much more. We have honesty. What she has is a lie. What the other has is a lie. And he may choose one of them in the end, but he will be lying to himself, living a lie, he needs to be honest with himself. He needs to choose himself. He cannot be completely himself with her, or with the original. He thought he had a normal life, but she wasn’t faithful or true to herself or him. Once again it comes back to the fact that a relationship takes 2. The dreaded 2. I love that he is trying so hard to make it work, with both, with all three, but I am also disgusted. He is losing himself in trying to fit in her world. He is denying himself trying to fit into the other’s. It’s why he needs her as a safety net. He saw the disgust on my face when he called her that out loud. Bile burned my throat at how disgusted I was. To call a woman a safety net. I saw the hurt and tears in his eyes. I know they weren’t for her, they were because he has allowed the original to break him down to this level. He’s on his knees begging her. The Dom is now the submissive. I do see that his training is reinforcing who he already was, a strong man. I enjoy watching this transpire. The Metamorphosis. But when all comes crashing down how much damage will be done to his true self? I want to shake him, slap his face hard enough to wake him up. But all I can do is sit back and observe, support him and be there when he falls.
