Discover Top Posts Tagged with #5.21.19

Kyphoplasty surgery in just a few hours, sort of excited, sort of nervous, mostly medicated.

This surgery might help me to walk more than a few steps again. and have less pain.

This morning I kept thinking about how one of the doctors who enthusiastically told me in the hospital, "You could have years!" As in, I could survive that long... possibly bedridden. Her enthusiasm rankled me. I'm 28, I don't want years. I want decades. Out of bed.

Calm. Left foot, right foot, breathe. Get through one moment at a time. Get this procedure done. Keep imagining how much better I'll feel afterwards.

#mun and muse #5.21.19 #linke #faith april #day in the life of maldrea #cancer round 2 #bone cancer #tw cancer #doodle

Cure#17

“This isn’t curable”

Thunder rumbled the sky and the rain fell shortly after. The rain was thick now and danced on the leaves of the trees. And I let my feet dangle over the edge of a tall apartment complex. I sat near my phone waiting for something, anything to wake me up that this hurt was over. That this all was a lie and wasn’t happening. I cried, and the sky did too.

“This isn’t curable”

I fell to the porcelain tiles of the living room floor. Convulsing, feeling nothing in my body but jolts of electricity that I could not control. I was both confused and numb and my heart felt like it was twisting in my chest. It felt like it was tearing physically but nothing I can do about it. If I’m supposed to die, can it happen already---- wait no, I can’t die there’s so much I need to do. Wait it would be fine...whats there to live for..wait.... no...wait yes!

“This isn’t curable”

“Fuck-- EVERYTHING!” I threw the glass against the pavement and watched it break. All I do is make mistakes, everything is my fault. This is all your fault! I opened another bottle and sat near the broken pieces. “Everything I do, is not welcomed....my pain not welcomed, my sadness not welcomed, my fucking feelings unwanted. What the fuck is this world you brought me into!?” Stumbling, I fell onto the asphalt and looked at the stars. Suddenly there was no building, there was no bottles, there was no car I drove, and I was home. I was on my couch and the lights were on, and it was 4 in the morning.

“The condition isn’t curable”

“Your situation is neither reversible or----” Or let me fucking guess, not curable. No medications, no ongoing studies that can help, and no local therapists that even know how to treat this. I let out a big sigh onto my medical papers, stuffed it in my shorts and walked to my car. My second job starts in an hour and I didn’t even get a redbull yet.

“I love you”

Who said that?

“I love you”

Why does that feel different?

“I’ll treat you the way you should’ve been treated”

Why does that feel....real?

“You can tell me anything you want. You may be a little broken, and fixable, but I’ll still love you. You’re you”.

Well thats nice.... I’ll be with you too. If you don’t mind. I mean always... if thats alright.

“Are you okay? Whats wrong? Why are you getting sad?”

“No No! I’m fine! I’m just, happy you’re finally here. That’s all”

I just feel like my whole life has been so toxic. Toxic people, toxic habits, toxic situations and everything. And finally....finally things have changed. I’m changed. Everything has fucking changed and I can breathe and grow. The situation doesn’t need to be cured, I just needed a chance to be strong for myself again. Now I can really grow and be strong. Maybe always with you--- if you don’t mind.

#Rewind #jzk #5.21.19 #NoEdit Freewrite

BY MARK DAVID MAY 21, 2019 4:00PT

Location: Los Angeles, Calif.

Price: $6.995 million

Size: (approx.) 6,000 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms

Former One Direction-er Louis Tomlinson, now a judge on Britain’s “The X Factor,” the very same televised talent show from which he was launched into international teenaged superstardom in 2010, has put his home in a famously celeb-favored neighborhood in the foothills above Hollywood, Calif., up for sale at $6.995 million, a notable amount less than the $7.3 million the 27-year-old English heartthrob paid for the plush pad just over 2.5 years ago. Though fastidiously maintained and oozing with sleek glamour, a quick comparison with marketing photographs from the time of the boy band phenom’s 2016 purchase suggests that little work was done to cosmetically alter the property over the last few years.

Listed with The Altman Brothers, Joshua Altman and Matthew Altman at Douglas Elliman, and once owned by late and pioneering New Wave music promoter and booking agent Ian Copeland, the architecturally pastiched 1937 Georgian meets Art Deco inspired Spanish Colonial villa strikes a decidedly contemporary vibe on the interior with lustrous, ebony-stained hardwood floors, cottony white walls and speaker-dotted ceilings free of fussy decorative moldings. Perched along a high, slender ridge and cleaved to a precipitous hillside that affords sweeping views from the Hollywood Sign to Griffith Park Observatory and the downtown skyline, the two-story residence has four bedrooms and five bathrooms in roughly 6,000 square feet.

A pared down, minimalist-minded switchback staircase defines the entrance hall while the step-down living room, with an austere, elegantly petite white brick corner fireplace, features a massive, 36-pane, floor-to-ceiling bowed bay window plus a dramatic corner of frameless glass panels that disappear completely into the walls to provide access to the backyard and swimming pool. The formal dining room opens to an informal dining space nested into a sunny, window-lined semi-circular bay in the high-end kitchen and, in addition to a family room, there’s also a media lounge and a climate controlled walk-in wine cellar. At least two of the three guest bedrooms open to a balcony while the master suite has its own terrace along with a couple of custom-fitted walk-in closets and a lavish bathroom where a freestanding soaking tub floats in the middle of the room on an eye-catching, herringbone pattern black and white marble tile floor. Two humongous palm trees dominate the tropically planted backyard that incorporates an itty-bitty patch of lawn and an infinity-edge swimming pool and spa daringly cantilevered over the rugged ravine.

Former residents of the historic ‘hood include Ruth Buzzi, Gore Vidal, Orlando Bloom and Scarlett Johansson while some of the current homeowners include Charlize Theron, Billy Idol and David Lynch, who owns not just one but three homes along the same street. William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman, the latter of whom pled guilty earlier this month to paying a $15,000 bribe to further her daughter’s chances of getting into college, own two neighboring homes in the showbizzy nabe while Johnny Galecki presides over a stunning, 1920s Spanish home he scooped up in 2015 for $9.2 millionfrom Jason Statham, who had bought it about four years earlier for $7.35 million from Ben Stiller.

Tomlinson, whose head-spinning rocket ride to fame and fortune has been marked in recent years by family tragedy — his mother passed in 2016 following a long battle with cancer and his 18-year-old half-sister died last month after suffering from a heart attack, remains the assumed owner of an unassuming traditional residence in a semi-rural setting about a dozen miles north of Central London that he reportedly acquired in 2012 for somewhere in the neighborhood of $2.5 million.

#variety #lt la house #la public house #5.21.19

I ate my snack even tho my body image sucks.

Go me.

I feel like everyone around me is thinking about how I look too big to be eating. But that's.... Very disordered. Nobody in the transit station gives a fuck if I'm eating a snack. They probably didn't even notice.

#personal #5.21.19

Hi, I miss all the people I had in my life that I let go because I'm selfish and lazy by nature and can't bring myself to initiate conversations or plans to see them. I miss my best friend who left a year ago and hasn't spoken to me since last fall. I miss my best friend who has a very adult life which makes me feel terrible about myself because I'm no where near that and neglected her because of it. I miss my best friend who picked my brother who manipulated and left him multiple times instead of me after promising that I would always come first. I miss my best friend who was forced to move two thousand miles away that I see about once a year. I miss my best friend who makes me feel less important than her other friends and reminding me that I can't be mad at her for that because I did and do the same thing to others. I miss my best friend who I loved and cherished for a year before he revealed that he (somewhat) cheated on me and three weeks later when I begged for him back he said no.

I've never felt this alone before. I havent had this few close friends since I was a young child. I have never lost so many people in such a short time. I have never hated myself so much for letting people go. I have never wanted to escape it all like I do right now

#me #tags #fd #dm #5.21.19

Everytime I would start acting a bit crazy he'd tell me to stop because if he wanted a crazy girlfriend then he would be with a latina

#thought of the day #5.21.19 #me #fd #tags

My favorite thing right now is how much more loving M is being. I’m the type of person who needs physical touch (in a non sexual way) to know someone cares and he is way more touchy now than he used to be. It’s adorable and I freaking love it. He literally will lay in the most awkward position but STILL hold my hand.

#personal #mine #bf #MTS #5.21.19