#5yearanniversay

[forageworkshop]

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[tales-from-a-walnut]

March 31st, 2010 10:30pm

A boy sits alone in his room. He shuts off his phone and just stares at the wall. The last bit of light that came from that phone created the words "Kill yourself, no one would care!" He sat there for a half an hour crying, alone with this feeling of being worthless and used. At this moment the thoughts in his head, the ones that have been pushed way to the back of his mind, creep up. "Do it!" the thoughts exclaim, knowing that this wasn't the first time he thought about this. Now with someone who he saw as his best friend showing how they really feel and his other friends laughing as he says it the boy feels alone. More alone than ever before. No family member is awake and he doesn't want feel like he could tell them what just transpired because their love for his friend. He cries, wishing for a hug or someone to love him like he's always wanted. He musters up the "courage". "You know what, fuck them. I'll show them I'll do it and they'll stop laughing and know that I was serious when I said how I felt" he said to himself in no more than a whisper. He grabs his fathers morphine, enough to make a whale feel numb for hours, and a knife. He pours whiskey to help the pills go down and readies the blade so when the painkillers kick in hell slit his throat and won't feel a thing. But out of the corner of his eye he sees something. His dog staring at him from the door. His dog walks over to him and gives him this sad look as if to let him know that someone is there for him and doesn't want to see him like this. The boy now trembling drops the pills and knife and hugs his dog. Hugs him and loses control. He breaks down and spills his heart out to his dog wondering why no one else has ever gave him the same look. Then the boy, exhausted and drained of everything decides to lay down, his dog follows. They go to his bed lay down and after a few minutes the dogs warmth on the boy puts the boy to sleep. The next day the boy wakes to find the dog still there, awake, watching over him, it seems the dog didn't sleep and made sure he was alright. Then the boy decides that never again will he do this. The pain in his dogs eyes made him think of other people's eyes and how'd they look if he killed himself. Never again would he do this. Now it's been 5 years and I can say that I've hit rough patches and have been pushed to my limits but I can say that I never went as far as I did that night and I've made it my goal to be what my dog was for me. A friend, one who would be there without question and give all my love and protection to any person who needs it. I've been afraid to tell this story to its fullest but after some recent events in my life and some progress I have made on myself I felt like it needed to be told. So if you ever find yourself down or alone or beaten just know that I am with you. No matter if I know you in real life or not if you need someone I am as good as there. I don't want anyone to feel the way I felt and will do my best make sure no one does ever again. I am here for you. I will always be.