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للأشياء العادية رونقها الخاص حيّنما تكون بحوزتيّ.

#بقلمي #قلمي #7:08pm

"They Go From Strength to Strength" Explained | Charles Spurgeon

Matthew 11:48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly FATHER is perfect.

#666 #Psalm 84:7 #pilgrim's progress #7:08PM #1148 #Matthew 11:48

Today's been nice.

#May 1st #7:08PM

Entry #63: October 27th, 2019 (7:08pm)

As a continuation from my last entry, I don't deserve a second chance in another world. It doesn't matter how much I want it, or how much I want to help those people in the other world. I don't deserve it. Cause let's face it, I would just fuck it up for myself, I would fuck it up for all those people who just want to live a calm and happy life. I fucked it up this time around for myself, Vanessa, Nicolette, Anthony, Raj, Talitha, and most importantly, Tempest. I mean, I let Talitha be with that horrible person. Hell, I'd rather she stayed with her ex from SA, at least he was honest with how much of an ass he was. And Tempest, I ruined his chance at a proper life. I couldn't give him the life he wanted and I couldn't make my life better even with his help. I'm probably going to fuck it up for everyone in my group assignments too. So I don't deserve a second chance. No matter how much I long for it or how close I get to it, I don't deserve it cause I'm just going to fuck it up for everyone involved.

#october 27 #2019 #7:08pm

Entry #43: February 2nd, 2019 (7:08pm)

I don't know why I've waited a few days to write this, but I went out last Tuesday evening with Vanessa and Nicolette. We went out to this fancy restaurant for dinner, Kōst, at the Bisha hotel. Obviously it was at a discount cause Lord knows I can't afford it. But I haven't been out with anyone in a long time, like a really long time. So when they messaged me and asked to go out I was really excited. Even though it was just an evening dinner, I had a lot of fun. Honestly, a night out with those girls was exactly what I needed. I hope they ask me out again soon cause they really do always show me a great time. They probably don't know how much it means to me to be included like that, but I really appreciate it. I've just been so lonely since I've got no one else to go out with. It makes me sad that Ethan lives so far away. Even though he's sixteen, I feel like we could have a good night out. Plus I'd like to meet his boyfriend Mitch. He seems like a good guy and I want to make sure he's not going to hurt Ethan.

Speaking of which, Ethan and Mitch finally got to see each other again. Even though it was over text, I could tell Ethan was extatic about it. I made a bit of an insensitive comment, if they had sex or not yet since they saw each other. I forgot that a relationship isn't based on sex. Probably due to the relationships I've witnessed in the past, especially the ones Talitha had been in. All she ever talked about was the sex her and her boyfriends had. So that kinda became my base. I just didn't really realize it until Ethan pointed it out. Part of me wants to find someone to have a relationship with, but I know deep down I don't deserve it. How can I bring someone into my life right now? I'm way too dependent on others and I don't even have a job. I'm in no way ready for a relationship. It's depressing to think about, but I just remind myself I'm not even going to be around long enough to have a meaningful relationship with a significant other.

#february 2 #2019 #7:08pm