Why Giving Up Can Be Your Best Strategy in Life
“Good morning, babyko. I’m so in love with you.”
The message literally made me pause and stare blankly outside the train.
It was a frantic morning. Waking up, dressing up, pacifying a meltdown, pushing the stroller, carrying the baby bag, my office bag, rushing for the bus, tying her hair, sending her to school, waiting for the bus, rushing to the train….
And then that message.
My world stopped. As if God reminded me why all the chaos was worth it.
Wait, was it 10 years already?
A Beginning Starts with an Ending
I glanced back at his message and it brought me back to the same man that made my heart flutter 10 years ago. He says I love you every day… every morning for 10 years now. I can’t believe I have grown literally with this other person from school, to work, to marriage and now to have our own family.
But it wasn’t always like this.
10 years ago, we were both clueless and heart broken.
You know when your theme songs were “Where do broken hearts go?” or “One Last Cry.” Well, what do we know about love? And what do we expect our partners to be?
It’s not easy. I get it.
We had our fair share of drama moments and experienced what you may be experiencing now.
The one you love (and-wish-and-daydream) didn’t love you back.
Or the one who pursue you is not the one you like. (No matter how much people justify… hindi talaga e…)
Or you might be counting the days, asking God… when will that person and time come?
Or worse, you found someone who you thought was THE one, but ended up breaking your heart into pieces.
Moments where you bury your head on a pillow, crying yourself to sleep at night asking, “Am I not enough?” “What have I done wrong?” “When will it be my turn to be happy?”
And then one day it all came to an end for me.
In a retreat, a facilitator asked us to go out and have our quiet time to meet with the Lord.
I went out to the garden. In a big gazebo, I sat down and prayed as the gush of wind blow gently on my face. In a vision, I saw Jesus sitting beside me. It was my first encounter with Him.
Jesus sat still but His presence was comforting. I was like a child sobbing and crying my heart out. I asked him a ton of questions. I prayed and acknowledged that it was time to move on.
At that point, I gave up. But I felt so at peace I forgot about the pains and fears and doubts…
He was enough.
And I said, “Lord, Kayo nalang muna.”
Giving up to Go Up
I left that retreat feeling refreshed and anew.
Nothing changed from the outside, but inside I felt so much better… lighter.
Little did I know that a fellow retreat attendee and a friend will eventually become not just a boyfriend, but a husband who would love and accept me as I am. Someone who brings out the best in me and promises to stay for 10, 20, 30 years or more in this lifetime. He was more than I could ever ask for.
True enough, God was waiting for me to give up, let go, surrender so He can give me the best He had in mind.
3 Lessons in Giving Up
(Emptying Yourself for Something Better)
Know what you are fighting for.
In our journey to achieving our goal be it in love or in life, we have to be prepared for 2 things- changes and challenges. It is inevitable so we have to be certain of why we are doing what we are doing. Along the way, something will change or something will happen. That’s why it is important to keep not just the goal but the why in mind. Be mentally prepared that the road to our dreams is not a straight path. There will be times when we have to stop, assess, and if it is not working, then we have to start again. When we are open, we accept things without resentment and act accordingly. Know your goal by heart, and you are already halfway there.
Know where you are coming from.
Bro. Bo Sanchez said that dreams can come from purpose or pride. How will you know if your dreams are God’s dreams or from selfish desire? The answer – if there is an element of rush. That’s why it is always advised to start small, dream big. God sees our journey as a part of the package of success. He is never in a rush. He cares about the progress in the same manner that He cares about the goal. Do not make decisions out of rush. As what we have shared on #1, changes and challenges will come. Smaller steps will lead smaller problems. Grow in accordance to your progress. Slowly but surely, you will get there too. Once again, be it in choosing partner or making a life changing decision- Don’t rush. God is always on time.
Know who you are fighting with.
When you know your what and where, it has to stand in this third point or it will not last long and collapse. Who you are fighting with is important. With all the changes and challenges, you need someone bigger and stronger than you to stand firm and press on. That’s where I believe God plays the role best. He is the only constant in this world. We can celebrate our joys with Him and cry our hearts out to Him too. He is more than big enough to carry you when the times are tough. If we ask Him to be a part of our journey, He can be all that we want Him to be. A source of strength, a healer, a provider all rolled into one. He will never judge you. He will never leave you. Remember, a heart that is broken is a heart that is open. Invite Him and let Him in.
In the end, I want you to notice how surrendering and praising has the same hand gesture. When we open our hands as a sign of surrender, we are also praising and acknowledging that in our brokenness, God’s power will shine.
God’s trade-off is always for the best. Next time he whispers in your heart to give up something, accept it. Because one thing is for sure, He has a better plan.
When all else fails, remember it’s not the end.
Trust HIM, it works.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11
With Love,
Jessica
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PS2. Bring the message of hope and love again this Christmas! Get my first book, 7-Year Bliss here. It will inspire and move you to rise above your trials.
PS3. Do you want to experience God’s love even more? Join us at the Feast. Ian, I and our Angel are active servants at the Feast Singapore SVDP. We meet every Saturday night with amazing and loving friends who become our second family. It is like a reset button for your soul.