SCOTT THE WOZ: (WEARING A HELMET TWO SIZES TOO BIG, OVER A POORLY-GREENSCREENED MECHA HANGAR BACKGROUND) Hey all, Scott here! Due to the recent collapse of civilization into a group of warring states due to... (CUTAWAY OF NINTENDO STORE BURNING WITH SWITCH 2 PRICES DISPLAYED ON THE WINDOW) SCOTT: ...reasons, I've been drafted by the Un-United State Military! Boy, I've always wanted to see what secret government games they have here! (BLACK SCREEN, WITH TEXT "One Combat Sortie Later") SCOTT:(BEDRAGGLED, CONFUSED, A HOLE IN HIS HELMET) Huh. (beat) SCOTT: They said we were going to play Pong, but I know my Pong -- and that definitely wasn't Pong. (HE LOOKS DOWN. IN HIS HAND IS A SUPER NINTENDO ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM CARTRIDGE LABELLED "Pong", WITH "Pong"'S REAL LIFE ART.) (beat) (HE TURNS THE CARTRIDGE OVER. ON THE BACK IS A POORLY-RIPPED PIECE OF PAPER CONTAINING THE TEXT "Lesbian edition" HASTILY SCRAWLED IN PENCIL.) SCOTT: Ohhhhhhhhh. Wait. (SCOTT PULLS OUT A SHEAF OF PAPERS, WITH "SCOTT'S GENDER AND SEXUALITY RECORDS" ON THE BACK IN BLACK TEXT.) SCOTT: Something's not right here.
