I shrug. Me and Baz both stare at the empty space my bed left behind. Because of some reason, I still don’t understand, my bed grew wings and flew away. It was 3 am, it was cold and I don’t have a bed anymore.
“You should go see Miss Possibelf.”, Baz says. We are both so confused and tired that he doesn’t even make fun of me.
“I doubt she is awake.”
“Then wake her up.” I shake my head. “Don’t want to annoy her. I’ll just ask tomorrow.”
“And where will you sleep?”
I shrug. “On the floor.”
“You don’t even have a pillow or blanket.”
I just shrug again.
“Well I am going back to sleep.” Baz climbs into his bed. I settle on the floor. It isn’t as uncomfortable as I though it would be, better then most beds I had to sleep in during the summer. But it is cold. I close my eyes. The faster I sleep the faster it is over.
“Come here.”
I open my eyes again and look in Baz direction. “What?”
“Come here. It’s making me uncomfortable just watching you suffer.”
“Why are you watching me anyway?”
Baz sighs, like I am asking the must insufferable questions. “You want to sleep in a bed or not?”
Even if Baz is evil and a git, I really am cold. So I crawl in the bed beside him. Anathema will protect me.
It is warm under the blankets, my body instantly relaxes. The beds in Watford are also really small. Baz is pressed against the wall and his shoulder is still touching mine. It isn’t as weird as I thought it would be. I am so used to Baz’ breathing pattern by now, it is kinda comforting, knowing he is there and not out there drinking blood.
“Your bed flew away?” Miss Possibelf looks at me, surprised. “Yes.”, I say
“I am sorry, the mage isn’t here right now. It will take me a while to organize you a new bed.”
“Can I sleep somewhere else?”
“I am sorry, but our spare room is under water right now. It seems like you have to share a bed with Mr. Pitch.”
Sharing a bed with Baz is weird. During the day it is like always. He is insulting me, I try to stay calm. The sneers, the condescending looks, the arrogance, it is all the same. But at night, he lifts a corner of his blankets and lets me sleep right next to him.
He never complained about it, didn’t even ask if I asked for a spare bed. By now I a used to another body next to me, another heartbeat, black hair tickling my face and knees touching. Some days I wake up and we are pressed against each other. I stand up rather quickly.
I don’t think Baz would like it.
This is one of these days. The sun streams into our room, I wake up, finding myself in Baz’ arm, face pressed against his chest. Carefully I untangle myself from him, trying not to wake him. If he knew we cuddle during sleep he would probably kill me and then himself. And while I take a shower I notice that I never thought how I felt about the whole thing. Why didn’t it bother me? Waking up in Baz’ arms never seemed to bother me at all and even know I can feel myself wanting to finish my shower and lay back down into his arms. Something is wrong with me. Maybe this was Baz plan all along. Sending my bed flying so he could share a bed with me and confuse me totally. Sounds like him anyways.
“Snow, bloody hell, hurry up.” Baz bangs at the door and we are back to normal.
The school started hanging mistletoe around the school. Magickal ones. You can’t get away without a kiss. Luckily there was a big disaster last year, so they hang them in spots nobody really walks under. “It’s just to keep the tradition up.”, Penny says while we walk to Greek class. I am glad I don’t have to kiss anybody. It would only end awkward. I haven’t kissed anybody since agatha broke up with me.
I wander around the school. I was studying with Penny and I needed a break. So now I wander the empty halls. Through the big windows, I watch the Snow falling down, tumbling through the air. Everything is so peaceful.
“Ouch.” I bump into someone. “Watch were you are going.” Of course it is Baz. I just glare at him and want to go away, but I can’t. Confused and angry I look at him. “What have you done?”, I ask. Baz just shakes his head and points to the ceiling. I swallow and look at Baz. And for one second, a tiny moment he looks scared, but then it is gone.
“I guess we have to kiss.”, I say.
“I am not kissing you.”, he says.
“Well, what do you want to do? Stay here?”
“Yes.”
I sigh. “Baz that is stupid.”
“Kissing you is stupid.” It is the dumbest comeback Baz has ever made. I am a little bit impressed. While Baz tries a dozen spells to get us out, I sit down at the floor and lean against a wall. I am so tired, it has been such a long day. “Baz, just give up and kiss me.” I yawn. Baz looks at me in shock and the straightens up. “I guess there is no way out.”
I curse myself. Because now we are standing in front of each other, close, I can feel his breath on my face and I stat to panic. Baz is about to kiss me. I am about to kiss him. Shouldn’t I be disgusted? Why am I not? Why am I exited?
Everything is confusing. Why is he so mean in the day, but so nice in the night? How is it that I am always the one to wake up to us cuddling? I am about to kiss Baz. I am about to kiss Baz. And I really want it.
“Hey Simon, calm down, you’re spilling.”
I open my eyes, that I had squeezed shut. Now I can feel my magick buzzing. “I am sorry.”, I say and try to calm down.
“Deep breath”, he says and takes my hand. His eyes are so soft, so pretty.
“I am sorry.”, I say again. “Nothing to be sorry for.”, he says and smiled. He fucking smiles. Baz never smiles at me. It is beautiful. So I kiss him. Because I really, really want to. I can feel him freeze for a second. Shit, I must have overwhelmed him.
But then he lets my hand go and pulls me closer. His lips are cold, soothing. I loose myself in him, in his lips, in this feeling. My hands wander up and I lay them on his neck, playing with his hair. It is smooth, more then I imagined.
Baz opens his mouth a little and I take the opportunity to deepen the kiss. I never want this to end, I just want to keep kissing Baz, have him near him, in my hands, under my fingers. Not an evil, vampire, but a boy in my arms.
We break apart. I am breathless, it’s embarrassing. He looks at me in awe, but he let’s me go. I don’t know what to say. What do you say in a situation like this?
Baz stops my train o thoughts. He just walks away. Shocked I stare at him, his back. Did I imagine the whole thing? The feelings?
I lean against the wall and slide down. My head buried in my hands, I begin to cry.
When I come into the room Baz is already in his bed. I think he is sleeping, but I am not sure. Quietly I dress down and climb into the bed next to him. It is different now. All I want is to be close to him. I haven’t really figured out what that means. But probably that I like Baz. It also means that I am not straight, but I don’t think about that right now. All I think about is how close Baz is and if I would reach out I could touch his face. I really want to.
“Baz?”, I ask quietly. His eyes open instantly. “What?”, he asks sharply. I think he is trying to stay cool, but I can hear his voice faltering a little bit.
“Are you angry at me? For kissing you?” He doesn’t answer. Maybe that is a good thing. “Can we do it again?”, I ask before I can think it through.
“Why?” Now his voice is soft, vulnerable.
“Because I liked it.”
“I can’t Snow.”
“You called me Simon before.”
He sighs. “Simon, you are an idiot.”
“For wanting to kiss you?”
“For not realizing how weird this all is. We are enemies, you are supposed to hate me.”
“Why?”, I ask. Because I really don’t get it. I always accepted it. But I never really got it.
“Because… the war… and the mage and the whole debacle. Because of everything. You don’t even like me.”
Now I reach out and let my fingers wander over his cheeks. He doesn’t swat my hand away. That is a good sign.
“Who says I doesn’t?”
He laughs. “You can’t just decide that. Not after all this years I spent pining after you. You don’t get to just like me now.” He sounds hurt. I don’t want that. So I kiss him again. Soft, with all the feelings I have. Baz kisses back. I pull him closer and break the kiss. “Aren’t you happy? Don’t you want this?”, I ask. Because maybe he is scared of me. Maybe I am forcing him into something. I don’t want that. He sighs. “More then you know.”, he says and leans into me. I kiss his head. “Then take it.”, I say.
“What? This whole lovey-dovey couple thing? Are you my boyfriend now?”
I shrug. “I am not really good at it, but I would like to try. If you want that.”
“I’d love that.”
The next morning I don’t have to untangle myself, I can just keep laying in his arms. “Good morning, darling.”, I whisper into his hair. Baz is still sleeping, in my arms and I couldn’t be happier.
