#a peek inside

[kitkatthekitkatkat]

So you remember that sticker you tagged me with??

TIS NOW THE CENTERPIECE

OH MY GOSH it looks wonderful!! Your whole flask looks really cool actually, I love all the stickers!

that reminds me, I also recently got a water bottle sticker (got somewhere, not bought it)

I think it’s pretty cute! Hopefully I can get more in the future :> i aspire to reach the level of stickers your mug has one day!

[sweetpuddincake]

Ok. today. is the end of my first work week being medicated for ADD. It has certainly been an interesting experience. I feel like I need to do some reflection. I want to write thoughts down. I figure I'd do it here rather than analog cuz... y'all care, right?... Right??! Idk If you wanna read my ADD journal entry here ya go:

I highlighted the area where I talk about the effect of the drug I experienced in red. The rest is mostly just background and stream of consciousness kinda stuff

Anyway, I started Vyvanse this week. I have had unmedicated ADD my whole life. My mom tried me on meds when I was little (idk what), but she thought they took away my personality. So, like, Ritalin probably? My ADD has always been a huge struggle in my life, whether it made it difficult to complete basic tasks, tracking conversations, reading, writing, talking, or my memory. It seeped its way into most everything. I just kinda learned to deal with it: BS'd my way through school, only kept people around who could make accommodations for me, learned tricks to help myself complete tasks, and remember things. I made it through, I guess, but it was certainly difficult.

I never really considered trying meds again. Pre-transition I wasn't much of a person. I was passive in my own life. I was tolerating so much. One more thing did seem to matter. Once I started transitioning, so much was going on that I didn't want to fuck with my brain chemistry more than I already was. I mean, starting estrogen *did* help with my ADD. Early transition, it felt like there was a static in my brain that was slowly clearing. I felt like i had access to more of my brain. So in general, i decided I should let things settle. If I didn't need meds, I didn't want to take them. I was raised in a house where taking meds for this sort of thing was discouraged. That I should only do it if I really really needed it. That mindset had definitely effected me

Cut to now: I'm in my 30s. I've been on hormones for 5 years. You could probably say that I have fully transitioned. I have worked hard on a lot of my mental health issues and come to a point where I can still see ways I'm coming up decently short. My wife had floated the idea of medication before. Now, it was starting to feel like it might be the time in my life to try. I found myself digging for info from people whenever I casually found out they were medicated for ADD or ADHD. Eventually, I had a day where I was really struggling, and my wife and I talked about meds again. I just happened to have a doctors appointment that day, too. I brought it up. I wasn't necessarily looking to start. I just wanted info. Once I finished all my questions, I couldn't really think of a reason not to move forward. Other than the fact I was scared, but it didn't seem like a good reason to put things off. My doctor chose to start me on 30mg of Vyvanse. It was mostly because that was known to be covered by my insurance, and 30mg was just what the general dose was. Working my way up to 30mg seemed like a pain. So I went with that option.

Now the interesting part:

On my first day, I definitely felt it. It hits within like 10 minutes of taking. My chest and neck felt tight. I was incredibly alert and awake on my commute but, surprisingly, still tired. By the time I got to work, I felt borderline high. It reminded me of back in college when I tried ecstasy. The feeling of coming up. Like when you can feel the drug, but you know it hasn't fully kicked in yet. That, or like, a nicotine high that is incredibly intense. I was also in a great mood. I was happy. I was excited for simple things. I can see why this drug is taken recreationally. I jumped into work a lot earlier than I usually do. Once I got into it, I really got into it. It felt almost compulsory. I couldn't stop. I also felt very talkative. I wanted to start a conversation with everyone. I had to make a conscious effort not to do that. I felt anxious physically. Not in a way that I would describe as anxiety. It was so high that I could tell that it was just the drug. For that reason, it was easy to ignore. Around midday, I felt myself start to come down. I was tired. Work had been busy, and I had been very productive. The day felt so long. By the time I got home, I was spacey. I had trouble organizing my thoughts. I could still feel the drug pretty strongly. Just now, it seemed to have an opposite effect. Oddly enough, I was still capable of being attentive in conversation. It kinda just flipped on when someone interacted with me. By bedtime, I still felt very awake. I had to make an effort to try to sleep. Surprisingly, once I tried, I fell asleep pretty quick.

Waking up the next day, I wasn't very groggy. I was more alert than usual. It was nice to feel sober again, though. That morning, I felt the meds kick in at the same time. Though they did not peak the way they did the previous day. I felt more mellow: more like myself. I could definitely still feel it. I started to try to find out how some of my issues were changing. I was still quite scatterbrained. Though it seemed like I was conscious of that. I would leave more crumbs for myself to stay on track. Leave notes and check in with myself more often. My work habits returned to closer to where they usually are, but I did feel more productive. During the time I am actively working, I'm getting more done. The anxious feeling was still there, but it was less noticeable. As a result, whenever my anxiety did hit, it hit extra hard. It helps that I can logically talk myself down because I know it's the drug that's making me feel that way. I've noticed it's easier to start things that I would have issues with before. Conversations feel easier to have. Though my brain still moves very fast so I still lose track of things. Having conversations with music or a show on is super overwhelming. I need to shut things off when I'm talking. I still have trouble reading. But I'm also dyslexic, so *shrugs*. The come down was also mild. It didn't feel like the crash the previous day. It was nice to feel less spacey. That evening, I tried smoking weed to see what it was like. I'm not a fan. Had bad anxiety and got couch-lock. The world felt overstimulating, too. I'll have to be careful about that in the future. I took melatonin that night and went to bed early.

After that day, I've felt pretty much the same. The obvious effects of the meds have shifted slightly further into a more subtle place. I definitely still feel like I'm on a stimulant, though. I would say there has been overall improvement. Im in a better mood, I'm productive, and I'm attentive. I'm willing to continue to try this and see how it affects more aspects of my life. I tend to drink quite a bit, so I kinda need to figure out how that goes. I know it can be bad to mix stimulants and depressants. I just need to feel out what the difference is with this one. Im also interested to see how i would handle holding a conversation in a restaurant with a tv across from me. This is a situation I generally avoided by positioning myself away from screens in public locations. I'm glad I started with 30mg. I'm comfortable knowing that more would likely not help me in areas where I'm still having issues. If I decide that this is too much for me, I will likely try a different drug rather than messing with the dose.

If you read this and have questions about me or my experience, feel free to reach out. I'd be happy to chat

[kitkatthekitkatkat]

Trick or treat!!

You get a treat!

A nice fruit roll up to munch on :D

@six-raccoons

[kitkatthekitkatkat]

I saw buggy send you rocks and wanted to share!

The ones on the ight are coral except for the one thats a shell! But I only have coral and shell fossils

AND WELL LOOKING AROUND MY ROOM FOR COOL ROCKS I SAW A FROG. in my room. Idk how he got in there. But hes outside now. I didn't send a picture of the frog because idk if you like frogs. Ok! Bye!! :]

:0 thank you so much!! I always love cool rocks and things, and these are awesome!

Those fossils are really freaking cool, like genuinely thank you for letting me see them :D The one on the left is so detailed ive never seen something like that, it’s wonderful!

FROG! Could- could I please see the frog 🥺 I love them too

[kitkatthekitkatkat]

Hey look at this!

Its a big piece of quartz!

Also idk if I said but me being a tiny pirate to you is great and very accurate lol just ask buggy!

oh my gosh that is lovely! It’s huge, and looks pretty for sure ^v^ We now have a tiny pirate and a tiny wizard in the group! … we gotta think of something for buggy now! Something tiny, perhaps a bug? But I think this will require further research in order to find the best option for our tiny adventuring crew.

Oh! When we do we could pretend we’re a mini dnd party! Maybe buggy can be a tiny Druid!! Cause they grow plants and love bugs :D we gotta ask em i think. @a-little-buggy what is your opinion on this idea?

[kitkatthekitkatkat]

I just want to say thank you so much for your kind words and I do appreciate it I don't always get a happy birthday not always but thank you so much I do appreciate it and as you as my follower I will draw your pfp ^^✨

No need to thank me, sometimes all we need in life is a little kindness :>

Well I hope I can continue to help make your future birthdays a bit better then!

Ah, thank you! You don’t have to do anything, but I appreciate it nonetheless! And I can’t take any credit for the pfp, it was done by my lovely sis @strawberryswirl4321

[kitkatthekitkatkat]

Trick or treat!

- Izzy

Hello! Sorry for getting back so late,you get: A Treat!

It’s a star candy! I wonder what it tastes like 🤔

@themoosegirl15

[kitkatthekitkatkat]

Hello! I am here to spread joy and whimsy in your askbox with a guessing game!!!

Which of your moots is this???

~🤏🪲

Wait who put that there—

hmm I wonder, this is a hard questio- oh, thankfully someone gave me a hint :D

With that in mind, I think you’re… @a-little-buggy ! Hehe ^^