Scene 1 - Erwin, Serum & Levi’s Dream
For @rivahisu107
Okay, where to start. My apologies if these are very rambling!
So this is a scene very early on in my writing journey for AQR, appearing in chapter 5 - Consent - so my thoughts at this point were in many ways very different to how I feel now. I will say though that a lot of my intent for the sentiment of this scene hasn’t changed. So when I first came up with the idea of AQR as a story, I wasn’t necessarily very deeply into the Rivahisu ship. Don’t get me wrong - I’d toyed with pairing them together simply for the fact that they were both very aesthetically pleasing as a pairing, but it wasn’t deeper than that. Then I caught up with the manga and Hisu’s pregnancy had JUST been revealed and I thought hey, wow. Okay. Who’s the dad then? Because the farmer seemed like a deliberate red herring for me. But anyway, let’s not get into THAT debate right now lol. So I head online and do some googling, looking for some decent theories. I see the Eren stuff, I see other characters considered, but never Levi. And it surprised me. Because at that point, when we knew nothing past chapter 108 or so of the manga, I felt like there could be a plausible argument built for Dad Levi. AQR is basically the result of me wanting to explain why logically, logically, it could have been done, but not having the balls (at that point LOL) to write the theory out seriously, so I opted for FanFiction instead.
Um yeah sorry for that garbled explanation, but I feel like I needed to explain that first, because that brings me on to the point I wanted to make firstly about this particular passage. I’ve never really shipped Eruri, but I was completely drawn in by Levi and Erwin’s relationship from the get go, and even though I hadn’t poured over the manga with as finer detail as I have now, even then I think I understood the gravity of Levi’s choice and how it impacted him psychologically. Writing AQR was never about pushing any Rivahisu agenda (lol now I’m hooked obvs but still). It was about exploring a theory and seeing whether I could convince people that two unlikely characters could be romantically involved. I never really buy into the idea of one pairing the trumps the rest - I enjoy all the relationships between the characters for their own individual merits - and so throughout AQR, I wanted to explore Levi and Historia as people with real histories and complicated pasts, not just one-dimensional objects to pair with other one-dimensional objects and be done with it.
Here I’m gonna be crazy and hold my hands up and say I essentially failed with this in terms of Historia (yeah the Levi simp in me gets the better of me sometimes HA) and this is why I started The Other Side of History - my attempt to give BOTH these characters the attention they deserve, rather than too much indulgence with Levi and not enough consideration of Historia’s past loves and losses.
Okay talk about the damn scene, Soron. Yes. Okay. Gotchu.
I wrote Levi resisting, resisting, resisting this idea of Historia’s. Which, I still think, he would’ve. But I needed a reason for him to change his mind. I knew Levi’s inner compassion had to be the thing that would win out in the end, and he’d do it for Historia herself. So I needed something to trigger this sort of, protective reaction in him. And when I thought back to moments where Levi had to make choices before, and compassion won out over logic, of course Erwin and Shiganshina and the serum came to mind. I wanted to combine that image for him but also bring Historia into it, so the idea of this dream came to me.
I think Levi of course retains a lot of trauma inwardly from that day, so seeing Erwin with that serum again would immediately cause an emotional response from him. But also, I needed Levi to be shown the direct consequences of his choice, and what better man to do it than Erwin himself - the man Levi trusted and respected above all. Erwin was never a man Levi could simply brush off - so the crux of the dream, while it evokes lots of haunting imagery from Levi’s past, was to have Erwin hold Levi directly responsible for the consequences of the choice he was going to make with Historia. Of course, it’s not Levi’s fault that Historia has put him on the spot and made him responsible for this choice, but then, didn’t Levi do the exact same thing to her, back when he told her to either take the throne or run away? Both of them once again being burdened by their bloodlines - Historia’s makes her royal and so the only one who could have taken the throne, Levi’s gives him super strength and makes him the perfect choice to father an heir. They put one another on the spot because of their ancestry.
We see Levi come face to face with the idea that if he doesn’t act and make the right choice, Historia will very likely be turned into a titan. It’s the dilemma on the rooftop all over again, except this time, Levi doesn’t actually have to sacrifice anyone’s humanity in favour of another’s. He has to commit to bringing new life into the world, and that itself should save Historia from the fate of becoming a monster.
The irony is, Levi’s choice actually never prevented Historia’s destiny, in the end. (But don’t worry - things will work out as they should!)
This I think makes Erwin’s words to Levi all the more important - Don’t regret your decision, Levi.