#a thought exercise

[chiefambassador]

it really should have been more of a scandal for the inq to romance josephine, especially if they aren’t a noble and (i hate to say it, chat, but it’s the source material, i fear) aren’t human.

a human noble courting anyone but another human noble? made worse that it’s a conflict of interest since the inq is her boss??

girl.

her mother almost flew down there on a high dragon. the letters were scathing.

[floatingbook]

Are you nice? Do you smile to men the street? Do you politely wait for your turn to speak? Do you step back to let the people who really know what they’re talking about take the floor? Do you help out? Do you help out, or do you sacrifice yourself? Are you nice? Are you a martyr? Are you nice, or are you putting yourself last? Are you of service, or do you take your own desires as afterthoughts? Do you think your worth hinges on how palatable you are? Are you nice, or are you quiet? Are you nice, or are you afraid? Are you making yourself invisible? Are you trying to pass as unthreatening? Are you nice?

[floatingbook]

Are you aware of your own woman’s perspective? Do you look at the world through your own eyes? Do you think your own thoughts? Or do you listen to the little male voices in your ears? Does your wonder always stem from what you think a man would think? Do you only ever consider things the way you’ve been taught, that is with a man’s perspective? Do you ever stop and wonder what a woman would think of it? Do you ever wonder what you would think of it, and not what your father, your brother, your colleague, your boyfriend would think of it? Do you ever put your own interests in the balance? Do you ever consider your own likes and dislikes? Your own, personal expectations and aspirations? Are you aware of your own woman’s perspective on the world? Do you ever listen to your own perspective, or have you learnt to ignore it?

[floatingbook]

How much do you spend on personal grooming? How much money do you spend on buying make-up? What share of your pay-check goes into shaving supplies? How many times a month do you take out bills or a card to pay for some miracle cream or gel which will save your face from the effects of time? How many times a day do you scrutinise your face in the mirror? When was the last time you just looked, factually, at your face in the mirror, and didn’t scrutinise it, for that matter? Do you carefully consider the shape of your eyebrows? How long do you spend putting make-up on? How many steps does your ‘beauty routine’ have? Do you enjoy the feeling of make-up on your face? Does it feel good to remove your hairs? Does your face twitch when you tweeze your eyebrows, or are you so used to the discomfort that you don’t flinch anymore? If you were the last woman on earth, would you still bother with it? If everyone else on the planet turned blind tomorrow, would you still do it? If no one was ever to see you, to touch you, to perceive you, would you still do it? How often do you ponder being perceived? Do you feel like people stare at you on the street? Do you ever dream to turn invisible? Who are you performing for?

[floatingbook]

What can you tolerate? What can you accept? Are you aware of the difference? What can you bear? What would you bear? What would break you? What don’t you want to endure? What is the line that destroys you? What is the line that you don’t want to see crossed? What are the things that you could live with but don’t want to have to live with? What can you tolerate? What won’t you accept?

[floatingbook]

Questions

Some thoughts exercises; reflect on your own answers.

Personal grooming.

Anger and tiredness.

Drawing the line somewhere.

Reconnecting.

Friends.

What do you want from life?

Drawing the line (things you can tolerate vs. things you can accept).

Your own woman’s perspective.

Misogyny.

Your own sense of morality.

What place do you have in your own life?

On beauty.

Are you nice?

On masks and performance.

[floatingbook]

Are you a doll? Do you put on a mask before you go out? How many masks do you have? Do you carefully tailor your appearance? How many fake smiles do you have? Have you ever stood in front of a mirror and wondered how convincing your smile was? Do your lips ever wobble when you smile? Can you feel the strain? Do you pretend? Is it an elaborate performance? Do you long for the moment the projectors finally turn off? Do you ever feel like the projectors are turned off? Or are you always standing on stage? Is there even a familiar face in the public, or do you feel hounded? Aren’t you tired of dancing to the tune of expectations? Can you pull off the mask? Are you afraid of the face you’re making underneath it?

[floatingbook]

Who are you? What are you? How do you see yourself? Are you the protagonist in your own story? Are you a supporting character in everyone else’s? Who comes first? What do you put in the balance when you make a decision? Do you make decisions? Do you act to best fit the dreams of others? Are you yourself? Or are you trying to emulate a caricature? Do you have a life of your own? When was the last time you put yourself first? How do you imagine yourself? Do you see yourself as in control? Do you feel strong? Do you feel like you could do anything? Or does that very thought freeze you with fear? Do you immediately picture the backlash if you step out of line? Are you focused on the potential backlash, or on what you could achieve? How powerful do you think you are?