post therapy journal because i forgot mine:
im disappointed; im embarrassed; i am tired of these being the things i usually feel. i am unhappy to hear but also glad to know that A often interprets our freeze as parts being angry at her; sometimes i am(/we are) but i need her to have a different reaction. i know that none of what she said to me was meant to be rejecting but that is what it feels like to me and i cant work that out with her if she freezes when i freeze because then eloise has to rescue me, which i appreciate but is embarrassing, and then i am not in control. i feel deeply unlikable and i feel like my reactions are both overreactions and incorrect. i want to have some kind of relationship with A but i dont know how and it makes me feel fucking stupid!!!
