#a.k.a. write lady

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The Sophisticated Toast

Did you know that the thoughtful hosts of ancient Greece toasted their guests’ health by taking the first sip of wine to prove that the batch was not tainted with poison? With that in mind, are you prepared to stand and make the all-important toast?

Today, the sip is the anxiety-free part of making a formal toast. We could downplay the significance of toasting, but when all eyes and ears are on the presenter, the pressure builds for him or her to say something witty or memorable and certainly appropriate. The delivery is also important. Even if the gathering is casual, no audience appreciates a ramble filled with ums. Admired are those who know how to raise a glass and offer a few chosen words that strike a chord.

Consider the following guidelines for making a sophisticated toast:

 ·      Determine a theme for the toast that will resonate with the honoree(s) and those present for the occasion.

For example, one might make a general toast to an extended family gathered for an annual reunion or particularly to the family’s matriarch and patriarch.

·      Inject meaning.

The toast, for instance, might note that the family shares a special bond because of the love and support that the matriarch and patriarch have shown to all.

·      Show respect for all present.

Eliminate private secrets, language that not all would understand, and inside jokes and references that exclude certain people; omit profanity and potentially offensive innuendo; avoid embarrassing or otherwise targeting certain individuals.

·      Speak from the heart but take time to practice what you’ll say.

Say the toast aloud to catch any spoken glitches—i.e., words that make you tongue-tied. Practice until you’re comfortable with the message and your delivery.

·      Watch the clock.

Consider how long one would care to hold up a glass. 

·      Separate an accompanying speech, even if ostensibly short, from the toast.

If you want to make a speech, have it preface the toast and conclude before you ask people to raise their glasses.

·      Make notes that you can easily read and hold.

If you have a tendency to get tongue-tied or lose track, then make notes. Large, bulleted words or short phrases are often sufficient to prompt the memory, eliminating the need to read verbatim. Of course, reading every line of an eloquent toast is preferable to going blank and saying um.

Also, if you choose to make notes, think about writing them on an old-fashioned index card, which many speakers find is less cumbersome (and more elegant) than attempting to manage a phone or tablet in one hand and a glass in another.

·      Nail an impromptu toast by pausing to collect your thoughts before talking and proceed by speaking slowly.

If you’re like most, you talk faster when you’re a little nervous. Therefore, even if you make a mindful effort to slow down considerably, your delivery will probably sound normal or possibly just a bit more thoughtful to the audience.

·      Gather participants if they are not all in the same area and fill their glasses.

·      Stand so that you can be seen and politely get the crowd’s attention. You might use a microphone and/or rap your glass, but avoid hushing everyone, which is rude.

·      If necessary, briefly introduce yourself and establish your connection to the event/individual(s).

·      To start, raise your glass slightly above waist level and out from your body. At the same time, project your voice to say, “I’d like to propose a toast.”

·      Politely invite those gathered to join you in raising their glasses.

“Please join me in raising your glass.”

·      Next, raise your glass to eye level to state a wish or hope.

For example: “May we always emulate our matriarch and patriarch, Mary and George, who have taught us the value of loving and supporting one another so that we now have such a big, loving and caring family.”

·      Finally, raise your glass overhead to state the final words of the toast. 

Make a short pronouncement so that all gathered repeat after you. For example: “To our family!”

When the honoree (also referred to as the toast), keep the following notes in mind:

·      Do not stand for the toast.

·      Do not drink to yourself.

·      Consider standing after to say thank you.

 As gestures of goodwill and opportunities to honor others, the most well-received toasts are spoken sincerely. If you somehow slip up, all is not lost. Find your sense of humor, smile and say, “Cheers!”

If you ever need help scripting a toast, I would be delighted to assist you.

My best to you,

Sallie W. Boyles, a.k.a. Write Lady

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In-the-Know Invites & Greetings

Do you sometimes feel lost regarding how to word an invitation or reference recipients properly on an envelope? With so many rules for so many different kinds of social situations, it’s no wonder!

Granted, correspondence among friends, family and business connections are less formal than in previous decades, but a more casual approach doesn’t mean anything goes. Mistakes made with invitations and special occasion cards have a way of making some appear unsophisticated and offending others. 

Thankfully, a few fundamental guidelines prevent the most common but easily avoidable social blunders. The following tips reference frequently asked questions and usual misconceptions about phrasing and addressing invites and other greetings:

I.                              The R.S.V.P.

A.         Never say “Please R.S.V.P.” on your invitation. R.S.V.P. is an abbreviation for répondez, s'il vous plait, which is French for respond, if you please—more simply, please reply.   Since the p stands for please, adding another please creates redundancy: Please reply, please. 

B.         When an R.S.V. P. accompanies an invite, the reply should name all who are attending and/or declining. If the host offers the option of bringing a guest and you know who that individual will be, then respond with his or her name. Without some prior understanding, assume that only those listed on the invitation are invited.

II.                          Names on Invites & Other Greetings

A.             Invitations, greeting cards and other correspondences to single adults who live at the same address should list each person alphabetically by full name, one name per line. Rather than automatically opting for convenience, however, consider the circumstances—interpersonal relationships, the formality of the occasion, etc.—to determine if spending the little extra time and money to issue individual invites or cards is the more appropriate option.

B.         Invites, etc. to couples living together but not sharing a last name should include their first and last names shown on the same address line. Married women who keep their maiden names are addressed as Ms.

-               Mr. John Doe and Ms. Mary Smith

-               Mr. John Doe and Mr. Alan Smith

-               Ms. Mary Smith and Ms. Lisa Thomas

C.       Unless one knows for certain that a married woman prefers Mrs., then the standard, especially in business-related matters, is to address her as Ms.

D.          Invites and greetings to couples should name the individual with the more prominent title first. Formal invites spell out titles like doctor, and they use the word and instead of the ampersand (&).

-               Dr. Jane Smith and Mr. Tom Smith

-               The Honorable Tom Smith and Ms. Jane Smith

-               Doctor Tom and Mrs. Jane Smith

E.        Formal Invites and greetings to children under 18 years of age traditionally reference boys as master and girls as miss. Nevertheless, Mr. and Ms. would be more fitting in various circumstances, such when the relationship between the teen and the sender is of a business nature.

F.          A title shared by a couple takes the plural form.

-               The Doctors Smith

-               Drs. Tom and Jane Smith

-               Drs. Jane and Tom Smith

G.          First names without titles are appropriate for informal invites and correspondences.

-               Mary and Tom Smith [either order]

III.                      Plurals & Apostrophes

A.         Do not use an apostrophe for the plural form of a last name ending s.

-               Best wishes from the Millers [last name Miller]

B.         Add es to create the plural form of last names ending in ch, s, sh, x, or z.

-               The Birches

-               The Rosses

-               The Standishes

-               The Foxes

-               The Chavezes

C.          Add an s to create the plural form of last names ending in y or o.

-               The Conroys

-               The Devitos

D.        Consider employing Family if the plural form of the last name is a mouthful.

-               Hosted by the Sessions Family [last name Sessions]

IV.                       Last Names & Possessives

A.         Form the singular possessive of a last name by adding an apostrophe + s.

-               Where: John Smith’s Residence [last name Smith]

-               Where: John Jones’s Residence [last name Jones]

B.         Form the plural possessive of the last name by adding an apostrophe after the final s.

-               Where: The Wellingtons’ Home [The Wellington Family’s Home]

-               Where: The Rosses’ Home [The Ross Family’s Home]

 I could say much more on the topic of invites and greetings, but doing so would require writing an e-book, not a blog post. If you’d like for me to tackle related matters, either in a future article or directly with you, please feel free to contact me.

In closing, I simply want to emphasize that whether or not you and your connections share the same traditional or nontraditional perspectives, the most valuable concept for all is to send and receive invites and greetings graciously and in a positive spirit.

My best to you,

Sallie W. Boyles, a.k.a. Write Lady