Oatmeal has not been at SASO very long. She doesn’t know all the protocols or how to interpret different people’s eyebrow movements and, at the moment, she would be hard pressed to name even one of the many uplifting sayings SASO has posted around the office (hey, she can’t be blamed, fear does that to her!). So, no, she doesn’t know who exactly is suddenly walking towards them but she knows this person must be evil because both Puddle and Fish’s scents go sour and they aren’t scared, not exactly, but they are definitely gearing up for a confrontation.
She tries to look as intimidating as she can be while currently pale as a sheet and being blocked by a rather short and scrawny Agent Fish and a slightly taller but still scrawny Agent Puddle. She thinks she sort of pulls off an “I have their back” vibe by glaring and letting her eyes flash gold for a second. If the person happens to be just a civilian, they will just assume it’s a trick of the light.
The person appears human but is clearly not a civilian, judging from the way her eyes meet Oatmeal’s own without the slightly bit of surprise or confusion before flicking back to the other agents. She has a pleasant smile on her face. Almost friendly. She even smells friendly.
“Puddle and Fish!” the woman greets. Definitely not a civilian. Oatmeal isn’t sure what Puddle and Fish’s real names are, but she doesn’t think they are based on a body of water and a aquarian creature. (Their stationary says Petals and Andavs but those can’t be real either.) “What brings you here?”
Puddle opens her mouth, doubtless to say something nasty because of the two of them, Puddle has the worse temper, but Fish puts on her best fake smile (which admittedly, is not very good) and acts…somewhat semi-natural.
“Hello, AANNO,” she says. Her eyes are nearly crinkled shut. “It’s actually our day off so if you don’t--”
“Oh, that’s great!” The woman replies. “I know those days off are hard to come by.”
It’s not really a dig at SASO, but both Puddle and Fish glare as if it is. Oatmeal’s glare is a half a second late. Mostly because she has been working at SASO for four months and her days off have been rather rare and far between. And four of those rare days off, she was called in for “Emergencies.” (Only two of those would she deem actual emergencies. One time was just a mandatory Headquarter cleaning day since apparently the Janitor is generally too busy making flower crowns to bother actually cleaning. Even the Vice President of SASO was seen dusting the cabinets.)
“What are you doing here?” Fish says. “I thought fun was against AANNO protocol.”
“You guys,” AANNO says fondly as if Fish were joking. “Although, I’m not here entirely for fun. A bit of recruitment too, I have to admit.” For the first time, a touch of… competition enters her scent. “Mission X is meeting me here.”
Oatmeal doesn’t know what that means. To her, Mission X is just one of the many things on SASO’s whiteboard “TO DO” list that is mostly dominated by a very large drawing of a goose reminding people to BE BRAVE.
Apparently, Agents Puddle and Fish know what that is though. Because both of them twist their mouths into their identical scowls of displeasure, which AANNO doesn’t notice because her eyes have slid to the left and locked on something.
“There she is now!” she says. “Gotta go. Lovely seeing you!”
Luckily she leaves before either Puddle or Fish can respond because if their scents are anything to go by, it would not have been pleasant.
“What-” Oatmeal starts but Puddle spins and gives her a part worried/part angry look.
“Check your pockets,” she demands as Fish nods beside her. “Make sure she didn’t somehow sneak her card in there.”
“She does that,” Fish says. “All the time. Sneaky little-”
“I don’t think she got close enough to give me her card,” Oatmeal offers, hastily patting herself down anyway when Fish moves forward as if to do it herself.
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Puddle replies. “I’m not entirely sure she doesn’t have some sort of secret card throwing abilities.”
“Or card mind-transportation,” Fish adds.
“She’s sneaky.”
“Sneaky and evil.”
Oatmeal blinks. She really hadn’t seemed that bad…
Her thoughts must show on her face because in an instant Puddle is pointing at her and-
“See! She’s got you. Hooked into thinking she is not a ruthless maniac intent on shutting SASO down!”
“She is evil,” Fish says. “Keep that in mind. She is evil and AANNO is way too good to be true and if Mission X starts working for them, it will be the biggest disaster of this generation.”
“So Mission X is a person?” Oatmeal tries.
“Kitsune,” Puddle answers, glancing back towards the direction AANNO-log wandered off in. “AKA immortal. AKA if she joined AANNO instead of SASO, it would be a literal disaster.”
“Biggest one of this generation,” Fish repeats.
“Exactly,” Puddle replies. “So stay on your guard. She is always trying to recruit our new agents, stealing them away to work for her precious nondescript agency of death.”
Oatmeal blinks. This does sound serious.
“And if you do find a card from her,” Fish says as they resume their walk towards the entrance. “Make sure to rip it up. I’m 95% certain there is some kind of spell embedded into the ink.”
“It’s really the only explanation for why people keep leaving,” Puddle says. “AANNO is a fundamentally terrible agency.”
Oatmeal nods dutifully in agreement even as she wonders if working for AANNO would get her out of this Haunted House situation…
Fish is very well versed in almost all of Puddle’s faces. She knows the “I am seriously regretting this decision” face and the “I’m about to kill someone if I don’t get food” face and the “Man, we really did use too much chilli powder” face. She even knows the “Well, we are about to die surrounded by Class 4 Merjons and I am displeased about it” face.
So, when Fish finally admits that Puddle is right, that in fact, SASO does not have the best record when it comes to their hiring policies, she turns and expects to see Puddle’s self-satisfied victory smirk, complete with a slight raise of the chin and a left eye that is just a tad crinkled at the corner.
She does not expect to see the “Disaster” face. Puddle’s disaster face is very similar to her disappointed face and not entirely different from her “I wish I had brought a bigger gun” face, but Fish recognizes the accompanying twitch of her right earlobe and-
“What is it?” Fish asks, glancing around and moving to pull Oatmeal behind her. “What’s wrong?”
Puddle doesn’t even say anything, just motions to a point behind Fish’s shoulder.
So Fish turns, fingers still itching for a weapon of some kind, and at first she doesn’t see it but then-
Oh no.
It’s ANNO.
Anno-log, formerly known as Trainee Stamper, formerly known as Beth, was a SASO employee for a grand total of two days. She spent those two days questioning SASO’s overall command structure, raising her eyebrows at the random clutter piled in the corners of most rooms, and glaring at the muffins. Actually, she glared at many things (including the ping pong table, the entire room dedicated to cat toys, and, of course, the many pictures hanging of agents participating in Flower Crown Wednesdays) but her eyes of death turned particularly potent when directed towards the break room around breakfast time.
After two days, Anno had turned in her two weeks notice (which was a pleasant surprise because most quitting SASO agents either just stopped showing up or showed up one last time with the express purpose of stealing and/or destroying everything) but then it became clear that no one at SASO seemed to know what to do with an actual two-week notice and so Stamper gave one last horrified headshake and left.
That should have been the end of it. People left SASO for a wide variety of reasons, ranging from complaints about the low pay to concerns about the myriad of undocumented near-death experiences, but SASO wasn’t an organization to hold a grudge. It wasn’t nearly organized enough for that.
But, then… then Stamper had started AANNO.
And AANNO is? Well AANNO stands for An Actually Aptly Named Nondescript Organization and is everything that SASO probably should be. It is a Top Secret Organization dedicated to saving Planet Earth and it’s many different inhabitants from death, destruction, and mild discomfort using any means necessary. It’s organized and polished and rumor has it, that all AANNO employees actually get paid every two weeks. Like a real company.
Also, like a real company, AANNO has rules and regulations and business cards and, Fish can’t exactly confirm this, but apparently AANNO headquarters not only has a state of the art security system, but all agents are actually given their own desk. With real desk chairs rather than oversized exercise balls. There is also a rumor that there was a legitimate supply closet but that is literally too good to be true.
(It also stings that Stamper managed to create AANNO in about a year, whereas SASO has been around for about 40 years (give or take a few breaks in the middle) and still doesn’t have official company stationery.)
So, Stamper became AANNO-log and AANNO became SASO’s biggest rival and Puddle’s Smirk of Victory became her Disaster Face.
And then the whole night gets worse because AANNO-log sees them. And comes over. And Fish obviously doesn’t know AANNO-log like she knows Puddle but she knows a “Surface-Polite, but Really Judging You” Smile when she sees it.
