“How was it that he never made sense of the effect Robert had on him, actually meant something more? It must have been there all along, written plainly on Robet’s face. Abe was a fool to have been so blind to the truth laid out clearly between them now. The monumental risk of espionage and lies had been a screen concealing, even from himself, his true feelings. Abe tried to place the exact moment when it started for him. It may have been in the beginning, as he attempted to escape their first draughts game. Robert asked when he would return, his plea breaking through the bitterness and stopping him in his tracks. Robert’s dark eyes were expectant and his voice held a startling vulnerability that caught Abe off guard after their cruel words. Maybe, it had been the moment Abe thought Robert was lost to him forever, after the nightmarish Thanksgiving dinner, where he hid in the bushes from Simcoe. Robert stood on the porch, bathed in moonlight and staring at him. It was the look on his face, heartbroken and so very angry. It was the door slamming, deafening and harsh in its finality, that sent an unnerving shiver up his spine. Had it been when Robert showed up in Setauket offering a remarkable gesture of faith, even with the pain still behind his eyes? No matter when it had started, the moment he’d had Robert pressed against the wall - feeling him under his body at last, his wretched blade a savage caress at the soft spot of Robert’s neck - it was as if all the puzzle pieces had been snapped together. The final picture he was previously unable to see revealed itself. Abe had pulled the knife away as the realization had fully dawned on him, watching as Robert’s delicate fingers searched for any wounds. Abe had stood there like a fool, trembling and alarmed at his violence and the truth that washed over him. Robert’s chest had heaved with tattered breath, and his dark eyes had filled with an arrant understanding that had made Abe shake with anticipation.” -Chapter 4, I’m Trying All the Time. Finally finished the Robert companion piece to brooding Abe. 🖤 https://archiveofourown.org/works/29690949/chapters/81448168