General Name: Riko Tobiuo
Name Meaning: Riko means 'self-interest' and Tobiuo means 'flying-fish' Age: Pre Shippuden 12-13; Shippuden 16 Species: Human Gender: Female Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual Blood Type: O-
Birthday: December 4th Personality: Riko is very extroverted and hypersensitive. She cares a lot about what people have to think about her, and winds up getting hurt very easily. Although a coward, she is very loyal and would die for her friends. Good Trait(s): Loving, caring, loyal. Bad Trait(s): Coward, hypersensitive.
//There is nothing wrong with a character having these traits; just be aware that the shy lover is a common character trope, especially in Naruto OCs. Be careful not to make her a Hinata clone because a lot of OCs fall into that trap.
Like(s): Being with friends, laughing, and good food. Dislike(s): Traitors and people who abandon their villages.
//While "Likes" and "Dislikes" aren't really pertinent information, these dislikes are a little shallow in terms of information. No one likes traitors or people who abandon those that are counting on them. Is there anything else that she doesn't like that perhaps is unique to her?
Hobby(ies): Fishing, training and reading. Fear(s): Letting people down and chickens.
//I fear chickens as well. I know my fears aren't important, but I feel like it was worth sharing.
Strength(s): Genjutsu, agility
Weakness(es): Taijutsu, ninjutsu Personal Quote:
(to Shino Aburame, when she leaves for training before Shippuden) "I know some people may forget you easily- but me, I'll never forget you."
//It's always great to see parings with canon characters other than the usual Team Seven guys.
History:
Riko was born into a normal family under the Tobiuo clan. She had one little sister that she treasured with all of her life- unlike other people. Her sister was autistic (Rett Syndrome), and therefore not allowed into the academy of Amegakure. Riko grew up training her sister herself, and she became very talented. When Riko turned ten, Akki, a mysterious woman, invited her to join his elite team and move to Konoha. She agreed, and took her sister with her. In Konoha, her sister joined the academy.
Riko was put on a team with Sumizome Sunako. Akki had a team of twelve students, with Riko, and Sumizome being only two of them. They were selected by Akki for their extraordinary abilities (Riko with genjutsu and Sumizome with her unique ninjutsus). Upon entering Konoha, Riko made many friends, and grew especially close to Shino and Hinata. Right before the timeskip Riko went to get training from Yasou Iwama. Halfway through the timeskip (one year) she came back with Yasou as their new leader. Riko, during the remaining year, worked hard and got promoted to Jonin and joined the ANBU. Occasionally, she still works with her team, but spend most of her time with the ANBU.
//Maybe expand on the whole "mysterious woman thing." If my assumption of the timeline is correct, Nagato and Konan would be in charge of Amegakure at this time. I can't imagine that they would just allow some random woman to take a promising, upcoming shinobi to Konoha. There has to be some compelling reasoning for something like this other than "just cause."
Clan Info Clan Name: Tobiuo Symbol: 魚 History: The Tobiuo clan is a moderately sized clan from the Amegakure and specialize in aquatic/fish oriented jutsus. Their basic training around ninjutsu and taijutsu involves umbrellas (the umbrella is like kunai to the Tubiuo- every Tubiuo uses them). They used to be a nomad clan with a very aggressive fighting style. Once they made home in the Amegakure, they became a lot more civil and perfected their jutsus. They have good relations with the other clans of Amegakure, as well. Specialty: There are three branches of the Tobiuo clan- one that focuses of ninjutsu, taijutsu and genjutsu. Each branch has their own 'specialty techniques'. All three branches, though, have their jutsus revolving around koi fish. For instance, every Jonin (and some select Chunin) are able to summon a 'Kami Koi' or a 'God Koi.' Each Kami Koi is different, and works with their nin to come up with or modify special jutsus- whether it be ninjutsu, gentutsu or taijutsu. So, their 'specialty' is summoning Kami Koi. (There are a few universal Tobiuo jutsus that each branch uses, but the Kami Koi is the most revered). Jutsus/Techniques:
Suichu Konton Jutsu: a genjutsu that makes the target feel like they are submerged and, depending on the level of the user, can limit the target's breathing and movement.
Uzu Jutsu: a taijutsu which involves an umbrella. The user launches themselves at the target, fist extended. Once they make contact, the jutsu begins. They take their umbrella and open it up, then begin to spin it. Once it is spinning, they whirl it around and drill it into their opponent.
Daburu Koi Kogeki Jutsu: a ninjutsu involving the user's Kami Koi. The user (previously summoning their Kami Koi) uses a jet of extremely high pressured water to pin their opponent down. Then, the Kami Koi will either emit a very high temperature steam or use its fins to slice the opponent.
Kekkei Genkai:
Summoning Kami Koi: to be able to summon Kami Koi, a Tobiuo must first develop their 'Sakana Maku,' or 'Fish Marks.' Only half of the Tobiuo develop these, and they are usually developed around ten. When a child develops their Sakana Maku, they are automatically Chunin (unless they have not yet been appointed Genin.) which is why the Tobiuo hosts so many Chunin. When they are promoted to Jonin (or are a very promising Chunin), they begin to form a bond with a Kami Koi- which takes around six months. They are placed in a special facility and a team of specialists covers the individual with multiple seals and beads. Their spirit is launched into the world of the Kami Koi, where the Kami Koi council appoints the user a partner.
//Sounds cool! I don't know if a village can just promote their Genin whenever they see fit (that's kind of the point of the Chunin Exams), but Konoha and Amegakure weren't on such great terms so I guess you could argue that certain villages that didn't participate in the biannual exams had to have some other criteria for rank advancement. Clan Appearance -Skin Tone: Varies- usually a fair, peachy color. -Markings: Those with a Kami Koi form Sakana Maku, which are black circles at the corners of the user's mouth. -Hair color(s): Black -Eye color(s): Pink Looks and Appearance Body Type: Riko is very short, thin and flat chested Height: Pre Shippuden 4'9''; Shippuden 4'11'' Weight: Pre Shippuden 89 lbs; Shippuden 95 lbs Hairstyle(s): In pre-shippuden, half of RIko's hair is cut shorter than the rest and adorned with a golden bow. In shippuden, all of her hair is the same length (short) and the bow is on the opposite side. Accessories: Her golden rebreather Scent: Saltwater Scars or Tattoos: She has one noticeable scar from her chin stretching down her throat and a bit past her collarbone. In shippuden, she also has the ANBU tattoo.
//Her outfit and appearance is really cute and it reminds me of Shizune's because of the extra long sleeves. I feel like in a practical sense that the sleeves should be shorter, but if Shizune can handle it, I'm sure Riko can too. Relationships Parent(s): Shioni Tobiuo and Zarigani Tobiuo Sibling(s): Toto Tobiuo Best Friend(s): Akki Zenjin (pre-shippuden), Shino and Hinata Friend(s): Sumizome, Kiba, Rock Lee, Kankuro, Temari Sensei(s): Andre, Yasou Student(s): none Love interest(s): Shino Rival(s): Neji Enemy(ies): Akki, Akatsuki, Orochimaru Pet(s): Yuugyo (Kami Koi) Favorites/Least Favorites Food(s): Her favorite food is candies while her least favorite is anything with dill Drink(s): Her favorite drink is green tea while her least favorite is sake Color(s): Her favorite color is yellow while her least favorite is purple Season(s): Her favorite season is summer while her least favorite is winter Weather: Her favorite weather is hot and sunny while her least favorite is cold and frozen Flower: Her favorite flowers are sunflowers while her least favorite are tulips Animal: Her favorite animal is a koi while her least favorite is a horse Ninja Information Birth Village: Amegakure Current Village: Konahagakure Academy Graduation Age: Eight Chūnin Promotion Age: Nine Rank: Jonin Ninja Status: ANBU Are you in the Akatsuki?: no Bijuu [Tailed Beast]?: none Teammates: Akki and Sumizome Sensei: Andre Nindo: I will never give in.
//I'm a sucker for quiet characters who refuse to accept defeat. Personal bias ftw. She does seem just a little too sensitive for the ANBU though. They're elite shinobi that are amongst the most precious assets of the Leaf Village. Her personality and "mysterious" move to Konoha might make her untrustworthy in the eyes of the higher ups of the village. This is the only thing I would 100% consider changing or explaining in some deeper way.
Chakra Element: Water Weapon(s): Umbrella
//Becoming Chunin at age nine is a little iffy. It's fine and it can happen as we've seen multiple times, but not everyone agrees that OCs should. My personal attitude towards it is that it is fine, but others are likely to disagree with me. A lot of blogs are convinced that the appropriate age is 13 and on. Jutsus
Suichu Konton Jutsu: a genjutsu that makes the target feel like they are submerged and, depending on the level of the user, can limit the target's breathing and movement.
Uzu Jutsu: a taijutsu which involves an umbrella. The user launches themselves at the target, fist extended. Once they make contact, the jutsu begins. They take their umbrella and open it up, then begin to spin it. Once it is spinning, they whirl it around and drill it into their opponent.
Daburu Koi Kogeki Jutsu: a ninjutsu involving the user's Kami Koi. The user (previously summoning their Kami Koi) uses a jet of extremely high pressured water to pin their opponent down. Then, the Kami Koi will either emit a very high temperature steam or use its fins to slice the opponent.
Summoning Kami Koi: to be able to summon Kami Koi, a Tobiuo must first develop their 'Sakana Maku,' or 'Fish Marks.' Only half of the Tobiuo develop these, and they are usually developed around ten. When a child develops their Sakana Maku, they are automatically Chunin (unless they have not yet been appointed Genin.) which is why the Tobiuo hosts so many Chunin. When they are promoted to Jonin (or are a very promising Chunin), they begin to form a bond with a Kami Koi- which takes around six months. They are placed in a special facility and a team of specialists covers the individual with multiple seals and beads. Their spirit is launched into the world of the Kami Koi, where the Kami Koi council appoints the user a partner. NINJA STATS 1 - 5: Horrible 6 - 8: Below average 9 - 10: Average 11 - 13: Above average 14 - 16: Talented 17 - 18: Gifted Strength in Jutsu Ninjutsu: 9 Genjutsu: 17 Taijutsu: 9 Kekkei Genkai: 16 Doujutsu: 1 Kinjutsu: 1 Fuuinjutsu: 15
//Again, it's nice that she is rather atypical. I feel like there aren't enough OCs that focus primarily on Genjutsu or Fuuinjutsu for that matter. Strength in Missions Intelligence: 12 Wisdom: 10 Strength: 9 Agility: 13 Dexterity: 14 Stamina: 10 Constitution: 10 Charisma: 9 Comeliness: 15 Chakra Control: 9 Cooperation: 15
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I'm trying a new way to write comments in the reviews so most of what I need to say is written amidst the information up top.
That being said, the OC is obviously very well thought out and my critique is more so a list of questions rather than anything else because I feel like I just need a little more information.
Why was she asked to join an elite team? Was she that good?
What allowed the mysterious woman to make this team?
What things does she not like that make her unique?
Is she too similar to Hinata?
Is her advancement to Chunin at age nine pertinent to the story?
If not, can you change the age to a little later in life?
Other than these few things, like being a member of the ANBU, she is really cool and I'm all for Shino finding some love. He doesn't get enough attention and I like how you played on the point that everyone is always forgetting about him. It's cute and it's interesting and, barring that she isn't a Hinata clone that was just created to pair with Shino, you have nothing to worry about.
Sorry the review took so long.
Keep writing.
-Michael