#about pce

[pceexistsinthevoid]

also ig if you know more of my lore than i expect people to: yes i have a wife and have had a wedding before. that said my wife and i didn't have a proper first dance at ours on account of space restrictions+the few guests we had not being big dancers. instead we watched wall-e and called the dance scene between wall-e and eve our first dance bc we can do what we want forever and twist these institutions to our will etc. it was very us, wouldn't change it for the world. that said that said, Yes, she would love to see the thing i referenced in that previous post happen for me bc she knows how i feel about that song+show and such, it just would be with someone else in all likelihood

[pceexistsinthevoid]

tbh my official stance on the odds of me being plural is "i just don't think that's any of my business. i think that's for other people to figure out."

[pceexistsinthevoid]

it's so far not actually being done in reference to me*, but i've noticed an uptick in people using my middle name lately and i'm never expecting it when they do so it throws me so far off lol

*my middle name (or, since i have to be specific, the "c" in "pce") is just straight up an adjective, they're genuinely not using it to refer to me. pretty sure most of these people do not know what any of my middle names are, let alone this one in particular. the thing is just that it's not a super common adjective so i both notice when people use it for "oh, good vocab word" reasons and "oh, that's one of my middle names" reasons

[pceexistsinthevoid]

been working too much the past few weeks and one of the many reasons i know this is bc i guess i now have visible muscle definition in my (upper) arms. that's not a thing that should be happening. nor did it happen the first like 3 years of this job when i was properly working part-time (like my job title says that i should be! and like i always ask to be!).

i'm not gonna lie, what the fuck am i even supposed to do with visible muscle definition in my arms????? like i get ppl might think it's hot or whatever but a) i am always wearing a zip-up or hoodie if i am around other people so it's not like they'd ever know if i didn't tell them about it (I genuinely discovered the fact i had any by accident one of the few times i wasn't wearinf a hoodie around my own home), and b) as an aroace, people finding me hot isn't actually that useful to me (especially not compared to not having to work as many hours as i have been the past couple weeks!), so like...what's the point in me having it?

[pceexistsinthevoid]

without trying to make this a broader psychoanalysis thing, when i was little my favorite muppets were beaker, animal, and oscar the grouch and i think in retrospect a lot of that was an emotional resonance/feeling of being represented thing tbh

like just, debilitating anxiety from observing/being forced to participate in the actions of those around me and struggling to communicate in ways they'd understand, rage/outbursts of energy that manifested physically and sometimes got destructive but that basically couldn't be controlled once started, and just being a generally grumpy guy that seems to bother people with his demeanor but almost doesn't mind bc he mainly just likes to be left alone...were all kinda tiny me to a T and i just didn't see that much elsewhere in the media that the ppl around me deemed appropriate. and yet there they were and they were still long-term accepted by those around them and still allowed to play in the band and still invited to things. idk.

[pceexistsinthevoid]

love that whenever i explore a new first name, new middle and last names seemngly just Appear and attach themselves in my mind (and then sometimes therre's a weird power struggle for placement based on aesthetics or smth). like this current thing is gonna be my third full name. i could've just had a third first name and used it w the already existing non-legal middle and last names, but No! Apparently not!

[pceexistsinthevoid]

been an open any pronouns user for like 7 or 8 years and i feel like i keep encountering the same weird pattern in how irl people struggle to deal w that information cause like...

i don't tend to be the one to bring it up first (part safety, part convenience), but when asked i do tell people that i'm fine w any pronouns (bc i am) and istg every single time they seem to hear that, observe my slightly androgynous style of expression, have the words i said fly out of their mind immediately, and just decide on vibes that i meant to say "they/them pronouns" bc i then proceed to *exclusively* hear they/them pronouns being used for me from that person.

which is already kinda annoying on it's own if i notice it happening, right? whole other sentence from what i said. feels like they're being weirdly paternalistic/assuming they have a better understanding of my gender than i do and yet also like they're scared of something i'm literally trying to minimize the fear factor for. but also (from experience) so many people get confused as hell (+ more scared) if you try and suggest they could mix it up more than they have been.

i could go on, but whatever, it'll mostly be bearable for awhile cause it's not the set itself that bothers me (and depending on the group it's sometimes novel enough from what i'm used to that i semi-enjoy it)... except it's happened multiple fucking times that, bc of one person opting to exclusively use those pronouns, it starts seeping into the speech of other people that both of us *do* interact with (mainly it's been a coworkers situation) but, notably, *haven't* themselves asked me my pronouns and had up until then been using the pronouns they'd assume based on my appearance +/- whatever they heard used for me first, and it spreads and builds until eventually someone in the group uses either he or she to refer to me and then corrects themselves with "or, sorry, they" and i'm just like...that's not a thing i have ever said you need to do???? did someone else tell you you were supposed to do that???? you didn't use to do that, are you never gonna confirm for yourself if that's a thing you're supposed to do????

[pceexistsinthevoid]

listen, i'm still not that into discussing my actual age, but i've revealed enough about it at this point that i may as well admit the best and worst thing about me bc i think you lot would get a kick out of it:

i was born/exist in general because of 9/11 and my parents have freely admitted as such (june 2002 - 9 months = september 2001, if you want the mathematical justification).

me and mcr have something in common, i guess.