#abuse 2

[melanchole]

can abusers redeem themselves

[violadewinter-archive]

2, 6, 13?

2. who + what do you miss from your canon(s) the most? (Saints Row)I definitely miss Loren and Kiki. I miss Steelport, and the Morningstar, and actually even Matt. A lot. I miss the Syndicate in general, but not Killbane or the Luchadores. I don’t miss my Boss (m!Boss) or Zimos much either but, eh. Other than those two, I miss the Saints.

6. whats your opinion of the fandom and how they characterize you? (Total Drama)OH MY GOD the fandom is like 50/50 garbage and great. My (Josée) characterization is... I’ve seen both extremes - perfect cinnamon bun princess and abusive piece of trash. I prefer the middle ground - problematic abuse survivor.

13. are you friends with anyone from your canon(s)? (Saints Row)I’m friends with Matt and Kiki. Also fem!Boss from SRTT, because they’re a system member, but that’s not important.

[violadewinter-archive]

Someone wrote a fic involving Josée and her abusive mom and tagged it as my blacklisted phrase hallelujah

[violadewinter-archive]

Total Drama characters that are survivors of abuse: Josée, Lightning, Sammy, Cody

[violadewinter-archive]

ryuuzao replied to your post: “It is currently 2:30 am and I got coffee and I am Awake and Ready to...”:

what u should do is........get ME coffee!!! but no idk what u should do

i would get you coffee but idk where to Send It so rip. im thinking about just watching prop hunt videos or playing a game.

[violadewinter-archive]

like i t feels. so bad. to know that 2 of your phobias are caused/worsened by someone that was supposed to love you and treat you with delicate kindness. it feels horrible to not be able to be underwater or near deep, open water without being anxious because your mom thought holding you underwater despite you squirming and crying would make you swim better.

it sucks that i could have outgrown my arachnophobia, but she triggered it so much and threatened to leave me in a tub full of spiders and threatened to get fake spiders to scare me that then, i had trouble sleeping and being in the house with her and now my phobia is so bad i literally cry at the word “spider” sometimes.

it sucks that when i came out, she called me the d slur and insists on continuing doing it, even though i’ve asked her to stop, even though i’m not lesbian, etc. it sucks that she told me i’d look ugly with short hair that even now, i wish i wouldnt have cut my hair sometimes because i know i look ugly with it because i have a fat face.

it feels fucking terrible to know that some of your worse mental illness and traumatic experiences are because of someone that birthed you and was supposed to love you and not hurt you. 

and it’s even worse when you see headcanons of a character that you identify with so much and it feels like theyre mocking you because the headcanon is so similar to something that happened to you physically.

[violadewinter-archive]

if you headcanon josee’s mom as abusive, i love you. but please keep art and fics of it SO FAR away from me. i am a simple 18 year old with severe issues with maternal abuse and apparently everyone all agrees that josees mom is the cause of her claustrophobia.