#ac136c

[chililily]

I’ve been back home for 5 days and not sure if it’s mostly just cause it’s the start of summer break and I’m flying somewhere again in like 2 days or if it really is just being back here with things how they are but I feel really blah.. :/

[chililily]

sooo I was kind of an idiot and didn’t check whether the code I grabbed to save results from a google image search of a given term actually works before spending like ~5 hours writing the rest of my program and now I’m super frustrated because it’s so fucking complicated to do anything with search engines and I do not have the time to learn this shit this final (for art?? like this isn’t even my for my cs class it’s for my fucking art class) is due on tuesday

so now I’m just running the web crawler we coded for an earlier assignment for my cs class on wikihow and laughing in a dark room at the contextless images it pulls

[chililily]

My first psych eval appointment is tomorrow.

Kind of perfect, since I hit a brief low on Friday and am still feeling the effects.

But also, things are suddenly getting more real.

/sigh.

[chililily]

wow I am in really bad shape mentally today. I spent forever on an easy proof on my logic exam this morning that I didn’t think of until like 2 seconds after it was over, made a gajillion errors coding a program that should’ve probably taken like half the time it actually did, and just now realized that 5′5″-5′2″ is 3″, not 2″, 2 hours after the fact.

sigh.

[chililily]

hobby: being a depressing blub at 1am

[chililily]

when I show people my art sometimes I get the feeling that whatever enthusiasm they showed is fake and like...I want to call them out for it because I think it feels worse to sense that from someone than for them to not say anything about it

but then there’s also. what if it’s just in my head? then I’ve just accused them of being insincere when they weren’t.

idk this wasn’t worded well. I’m just down because this happened and it kind of undid whatever help to my mood that drawing did last night and now I’m starting this morning off feeling ugh.

[chililily]

if you ask me about my ocs or my stories expect me to yap at you for at least the next half hour

[chililily]

taking an art class can dramatically increase my artistic output but it’s because I procrastinate so hard on the actual homework by drawing ocs “orz