I've never really tried much in the way of BDSM because I'm worried I won't be able to communicate properly if I get overwhelmed. I have a psychosomatic reaction to high stress where my throat begins to ache and any words I manage to get out are strained and stuttered. I wouldn't ever want to put anyone in a position of uncertainty in this regard. The only thing I can think of that might help would be a sign language safe word. What are your thoughts?
Speaking as someone who frequently goes non-verbal during scenes and someone who has had two hearing-impaired partners, ASL or other forms of non-verbal communication is an amazing thing to utilize during scenes.
I’m really proud you’ve made the responsible decision not to play when you’re unsure how to stop. Lots of people don’t think things like that through, so be proud of yourself for being smart about this.
Talk to your partner about your situation and come up with a sign or two that you can both remember and perform when necessary. “Stop” in ASL uses both hands, your dominant hand 90-degrees, hitting the non-dominant hand, like a chopping motion on a cutting board. If your hands are restrained, try using a horn or bell--or a brightly colored scarf or ball to drop, if your partner is hearing impaired.
I had a partner who frequently suffered from seizures, so we created a sign together that she was able to do just before having an episode so I would know to stop and take safety precautions to make sure she was okay during the seizure.
I’ve been practicing kink for six years now, both as a top and bottom, and non-verbal safewords have been a wonderful blessing for me and my partners. There’s no shame in using a non-verbal safeword--just be sure your partner is well aware of the sign/signal!
xx SF