Title: A kiss
Pairing: HannahxKim
Rating: General
Word count: 811
Notes: For the 2015 Supernatural Femslash bingo, square “HannahxKim
-
A hand settled lightly on her thigh and Hannah resisted the urge to turn her head and look. Instead, she shifted to settle closer to Kim and moved her own hands to mirror the gesture. Awkwardly trying to figure out where she could put her own with her lips still pressed to Kim’s, Hannah could feel herself growing more tense with frustration as she tried to forcefully will herself to calm down.
The comfortable old couch squeaked beneath them. Hannah had helped Kim moved the couch in to her apartment from a thrift shop five blocks down. It was battered, the wood legs scuffed, a few areas of the mustard plaid patterned cushions so thin that Kim had patched them with hideously mis-matching paisley scraps she had left over from a craft project. Hannah liked this couch.
She felt Kim sigh against her and blinked to see those soft brown eyes pulling away.
Hannah let her hand slip down Kim’s arm and folded them in her lap. She tried not to let her disappointment in herself show. She was trying so hard to move forward with Kim.
“Is something wrong?” Kim asked, pulling her own hands back in to her lap.
“No. I don’t think so.”
Kim rolled her eyes and leaned back. “Well, maybe nothing’s wrong but it didn’t really seem right. Did it?”
She always looked comfortable, in jeans and a tee most days, she smiled frequently and was quick to make the best out of a bad situation. It was so easy to be her friend and so easy to want more. But Hannah couldn’t quite find it in herself to want this. She wanted the idea of it. Of their relationship budding into full bloom. Of this being something long term.
But this was logically the next step - after months of dating and meeting the parents, trading keys and buying plants together - and Hannah couldn’t bring herself to enjoy it. She had hoped Kim would be different. That the affection Hannah felt for her could somehow translate into intimacy.
“No it didn’t quite seem right. But I’m not sure why.”
Kim just shrugged, “That’s all right. Hannah, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“How far have you ever gotten with another person?”
“Intimately, you mean?”
Kim ducked her head, “Um, yeah.”
Scrunching up her nose, Hannah worked to remember the first - and only - time that she’d ever tried to force herself to be normal. In college she was able to convince herself that experimenting was healthy. It didn’t go very far then, either. And the relationship hadn’t gone anywhere, after.
“I’ve only ever kissed one other person.”
“Really? That’s it?”
Hannah bristled, “Yes.”
“Sorry, don’t mean to offend or anything. But. Do you just not want to? Or, is it me?”
Hannah did cross the space between them then, pulling Kim’s hand into her own. “No, it’s not you. I’ve never really felt any interest in it. What it is supposed to feel like?”
“Love?”
“No, not that. Arousal. When you kiss someone. What do you feel?”
“Oh,” Kim’s eyes widened a little and her cheeks flushed pink again. “It’s, well I don’t know about everyone but I don’t really enjoy it unless I really know the person and care about them, but when I do, when I have that connection with someone. It’s… It’s really nice. My stomach gets all tense holding hands, sometimes I feel dizzy, or breathless. I get hot all over. A good kiss just makes me shiver.”
Kim was gripping on to her hand, slotting their fingers together and stroking her thumb gently against Hannah’s wrist. It felt good. Her physical touch was reassuring. But.
“That sounds horrible. Are you sure that’s not a medical condition?”
Kim squeezed her hand and tipped back in laughter, ringing clear in the tidy bright living room and startling the cat that had just poked his head in.
Shaking her head, loose strands of hair around her face flying, Kim told her, “No it’s not a medical condition. I think, it’s love and arousal all bundled together for me and I really like it. But you don’t have to. I just like spending time with you Hannah. A lot. Do you… where do you want to go with this?”
“Do we have to go anywhere?”
“No. I like it right where we are.”
Hannah liked it here too, pulling Kim closer to drape an arm over her shoulder as she lay on Hannah’s chest. That was nice, the casual proximity. The ease of being with Kim, always light hearted and optimistic. Her apartment was bright, like her life and her attitude, with yellow checkered curtains and dog eared books. And if Kim wanted to stay right here with Hannah, just how she was, well then there was no where else for her to be.
