bad customer hall-of-fame:
lady couple who got drunk and kept calling me Pixie and Pix, broke a glass of sangria, hid it and didn't tip
guy who tried to get me to spike his pregnant girlfriend's drink without her knowing (I charged him for the alcohol but didn't put any in, she thanked me cause he's always coercing her into getting blitzed)
guy at the bar who said he wanted to take advantage of me (who I gave a serious talk and then got all my coworkers to bad eye till he left)
champagne assholes who called my boss MID MEAL (just kidding they only had champagne) to complain about their champagne being flat (IT REALLY REALLY REALLY WASN'T) so they could get it for free and then couldn't meet my eyes at the register.
male model and designer lady duo who complain about the service every single time they're here (really weird paranoid and personal complaints like how my coworker pays 'more attention to male customers'?) yet always come back
French Jekyll Hyde Asshat who comes in and orders a round of wine for the nearest table, leaves, changes into casual clothing and a hat and starts cussing out my coworker about 'where's my free drink of wine' bruh chill you bought 3 drinks and it's not like we have the authority to comp. Srsly this guys in a league of his own for just foulness and rudeness and malice.
Guy who acted like he forgot to tip when he swiped his card, then 'forgetting' again when he swiped again for another drink. All the while blaming me and saying 'oh! too bad, see you missed out on your tip.'
Guy who whispered some come on to me and got mad when I repeated it so his table-mates could hear and said 'I know [boss's name] and I could tell him you weren't very friendly to me.' To which I replied 'Yeah I know [boss's name] too and I could definitely tell him just how friendly you were being.'
Guy who told me 'wow the service here is sO greaT' sarcastically after I stopped in the middle of making drinks for other customers (who ordered before him) at an overly-crowded bar to see if he needed anything. I just raised my eyebrows at him and went 'Wow. Okay, can I help you?'
Guy who obnoxiously called me '[Mom's name]'s daughter!' I KNOW yOUR MOM I KNEW YOU FROM LIKE FOREVER CAN YOU FIX ME AND MY BUD SOME DRINKS'(all this while I was carrying a shit tonne of glasses). I turned to him and said 'You know me?...What's my name?' to which he had no answer (jk he came back after asking someone in the crowd and continued to not remember my name).
A woman who really wanted 'simple goddamn ham and eggs' and argued with me about policyy (menu items only yeah we have eggs yeah we have bacon but no policy says choose a menu item JFC) and she kept going 'I don't care about the price. Get me what I want' until my boss shows up and she's all schmoozy and he tells the kitchen to just make it and she gives me that gross crustomer look like 'see u lying service sector scumdrizzle I got what I waNTED so HAH'
He Who Must Never Return a certain very influential member of the theatre community of this country and his posse showed up, were demanding and rude to me as fuck-all (blocking the front door by moving their whole table even though we offered them alternate ways to assemble rapping loudly on the glass for attention, calling me 'youngster' and 'kid'), and who when told to move decided instead to move further in front and then raise a stink about how they 'paid good money and can't be pushed around' and then said some really homophobic things to my co-worker which was the first time I really got up and talked a guy the fUCk out because don't mess with my co's.
oh who'm I kidding this list is eternal
there are however some really beautiful awesome customers like this older actress lady who fell in heels cause she was tipsy and I helped her out even though she cursed a damn storm like ow ow my innocent ears and she's always asking for ice cause idk menopause and on my first weekend I accidentally gave her a watermelon Smirnoff and she said 'its alright hun I used to be a waitress I know' and it was so reassuring. Or a guy who sits outside and gets pilsner after pilsner and talks with me real and always tacks on 'when you get a chance' when he sees I'm super busy.
Every customer who smiles or tries to remember my name or even clumsily tries to help me with the tray even though it's actually more likely to cause accidents or actually gives me a tip that's near 15% and not 15 dollars or uses the words 'thank you' or gives compliments to the chef or even complains in a way that isn't shooting the messenger (me). These are the customers I will prioritize in a rush even though I am also definitely keeping up w/ the orders for customers whose ire and power and meanness I fear. These are the customers I will serve with love because they make my job a little bit easier just by making me feel like a person in a job built on making people into deferential but secretly misanthropic little serfs. You might get rushed service by swinging around your wealth or your reprimand but your server will never laugh with you or remember just how much ice you take or play you up with the whole 'the usual?' routine in front of your date-who-you're-taking-here-for-the-first-time or ask the kitchen not to dice your beets or keep your tab without keeping your card. And even if you don't tip me honestly it won't be that bad. Still tip me though cause I need that shit to live and there are good customers who are serial non-tippers and it's just like :/ really and why and do better plz.
