#aceadmiral

[adventures-in-asexuality]

aceadmiral replied to your post “the pharmacist did a Diet Talk at me when I picked up my...”

The... pharmacist? why... is this even remotely their job?????

I think it’s another initiative to reduce the load on doctors (because of course the NHS is understaffed as is and Brexit is.....unlikely to make that better), and I do appreciate that pharmacists will sit down and go through my meds once a year to make sure that there’s no major interactions, because doctors absolutely do not have time to do that, and sometimes I discover that the hard way.

it makes sense, but also I don’t want people talking to me about diet ever thanks amen.

on the funnier side, the pharmacist was trying to tell me how I should maybe consider limiting drinking to fourteen units a week, and I was able to say ‘oh, I only drink twice a year or so, you don’t have to worry about that’.

[heyjudeberry]

AceAdmiral? Might as well me AcePirateHunter

I want you all to know that I consider @aceadmiral my own personal 

Arch-frienemy and I love them. I don’t think we have ever even messaged but every couple days they like something and I remember they are following my ship. Quietly sneaking up until they catch this ace pirate by surprise. Well it’s not gonna happen friendo! I know you’re there! I’m following you too! 

[adventures-in-asexuality]

aceadmiral replied to your post “today’s errands were very much an adventure in Rowan Gets Confused - a...”

I got caught by a salesperson in Lush the other day Knowing Nothing About Soap, and not only did she help me find a good one, she also gave me two little tester tubs of other things? So I am thinking maybe asking salespeople for help is not 100% bad.

aww, yay! and yeah, the Lush salespeople are very helpful - I have to give kudos to the person who helped me yesterday, because I had completely forgotten the name of the thing I’d come in for (hence why I couldn’t locate it) and ended up asking her ‘do you have the, uhh, the... dusting powder??’, and she figured out exactly what I meant.

[adventures-in-asexuality]

aceadmiral replied to your post “I have finished the tiny 50ml bottle of spiced rum I bought a while...”

You can brew tea in alcoholic beverages? The local tea place here sells some, but I'm sure you could find one close to you/figure out a good blend on your own https://www.capitalteas.com/Tea-Cocktails-s/203.htm

okay, I like this idea and I appreciate your suggestion, but I opened the link and the first thing I saw was ‘TEA LAGERS’, which sounds horrifying

[adventures-in-asexuality]

aceadmiral replied to your post “one of my most persistent small brain-weirdnesses is that I will...”

ugh it's going to snow tonight and even though I have to wash my hair tonight I'm already trying to get out of it :/ winter is the worst

it is the WORST >:/ encouraging you to successfully defeat the winter air beast on the grounds that doing it in the morning is even worse

[adventures-in-asexuality]

aceadmiral replied to your post “[[MOR]I did some research on UK gender stuff. So far it looks like,...”

Also, since your chosen name is pretty neutral, you could get away with changing it but not connecting it to a transition if you were worried about that. I know you don't have a lot of choice about who you see, but depending on the care you want, you might be able to access it another way with a creative GP? idk, my Big Mood of 2017 is Punching Doctors in the Face, but that may not work in your situation...

aceadmiral replied to your post “[[MOR]I did some research on UK gender stuff. So far it looks like,...”

I suppose this depends on what you're trying to access, but: when this was on the table for my surgery, my therapist wasn't caught up on the 1 year thing because I had already been dressing like I wanted to, which I think you mentioned in a previous post you've been doing for at least a year?

(because I didn’t clarify: I am looking specifically at top surgery + hysterectomy, because hormones are a goddamn nightmare. ask me about my adventures in briefly taking spiro.)

oh gosh, I have not really even had the Concept of Clothes for the past 4 years or so, due to being Really Broke, and then Slightly Less Broke But Clothes Shopping Is A Dysphoric/ED Nightmare. though you’re right that, when given the option, I have lived in flannel plaid and jeans. (but I think you were thinking of my posts about ‘I’ve been pretty certain that I’ve wanted this for ~5 years’)

(I’m getting a binder in two days! this might help. be excited and trepidatious with me.)

anyway, you will want to punch this because it is dumb, but the gender identity clinic (you have to convince your GP to refer you to one of these, and then they... decide if you’re allowed to be trans? that is uncharitable, but you get the point; they don’t administer surgery or hormones, just decide whether you’re allowed them and refer you) requires Official Documentation that you’ve been living in your Gender Role - two examples given were ‘name change paperwork’ and ‘payslips’ - and specifically will not accept you or your friends saying that you’ve been doing so. at least according to the Official Websites.

(your mood of Punch Doctors in the Face is helpful. can I borrow some of your punch. I have many doctors. :P)

okay, I have been thinking about your suggestion with re: name change ‘unconnected’ to gender! this is a good suggestion. I have a really hard time thinking of a cover story. like. why do you randomly change your entire name one day if it’s not ‘gender’ + ‘abusive family who need to stop searching me on linkedin like yesterday’. if anyone has thoughts they are welcome to hit me up, but this is a thing I will keep thinking on. especially because I’m pretty sure I’ll soon start forgetting to answer to my old name. >_>

(I know that kind of sounds like it’s dodging the spirit of the thing, w.r.t being Out IRL, but also... I worry about work; they are already making consistent noises about how my disability shit is unsustainable and I really need to like... stop being disabled... and I’m genuinely worried about adding another thing into the mix there. I know I need to find some situation where people won’t be consistently annoyed that I’m sick, but I can’t really afford to get fired/Tactfully Encouraged To Resign/whatever before then.)

[adventures-in-asexuality]

aceadmiral replied to your post “Duolingo is a really good way to feel mildly productive even when you...”

Agree. As a a person whose second language is Japanese and thirds is Chinese, the Duolingo/Rosetta Stone/CEFR approach of immersion only is just. Not feasible. Sorry you must suffer :/

At least it’s a little better than when I was trying to learn Irish, in that there are resources and answers elsewhere on the internet, rather than there being approximately four blog posts and a book from the 60s. >_> (I have never yet got a satisfactory answer on why the fuck lenition and eclipsis are the way they are, and how one actually deals with that - but that is a problem for a future Rowan.) (This is, admittedly, self-inflicted suffering, but that won’t stop me having Thoughts about it. >_>) queenieofaces replied to your post “queenieofaces replied to your post: Duolingo is a...”

My first Japanese textbook was Situational Functional Japanese which literally started using full kanji in chapter one. "Hello, you don't know how to say anything yet, but I'm sure you can read these characters." >.>

oh noooooo

so far we have 日本 and 中国 and 学生, and then アメリカ and イギリス and a couple of names, and then the rest is in hiragana and I have opinions about designing language learning things, okay

(although the most confusing has been just... not explaining why there are two different characters for this or that syllable, and sometimes not specifying which syllabary you want, and ajsghdfghalafd)

[adventures-in-asexuality]

aceadmiral replied to your post “bi-gray replied to your post “that post about ‘just tell your...”

Also, I gathered from the context that this the crush-ee would be someone in the realm of casual acquaintance, hence the part at the end about moving on. There's relatively low stakes in that situation, so it's one where the advisee can practice this healthy, honest communication in safety. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it... but I also think even the ruinable relationships I've been honest in this way in are better for it, so *shrug*

aceadmiral replied to your post “bi-gray replied to your post “that post about ‘just tell your...”

What you and I know--and what's outside the normal realm for most people--is that you can just?? have feelings? for someone?? No obligation required. But because we as a whole engage in this aversion to just sharing our feelings as neutral things, it would ruin most of *our* relationships. My sense, though, was that post was aimed towards people who probably had a good shot of being basically compatible with the person and were really holding back for unhealthy reasons

aceadmiral replied to your post “bi-gray replied to your post “that post about ‘just tell your...”

This is influenced heavily by the fact that I speak Japanese--a language that basically rejects "ironic" expression and sarcasm &c--but I feel like there's this thing going on where we're stuck in between older norms of propriety about not expressing too much emotion coupled by a fairly recent cultural shift towards seeing sincerity as "corny" and otherwise uncool. So particularly in the romantic arena, there's no script to just express your emotions.

Ah, I see - yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Sincerity is corny - but sincerity is also vulnerability, and we’re all messed up enough to have an aversion to that as well. (And how much of that is masked by flippantly dismissing it as ‘corny’?)

I always kind of forget that a lot of people do have crushes on casual acquaintances. This bemuses me a lot - like, how do you know you like them if you don’t even know them?! But you’re right in that that is a fairly low-stakes way to practise sincerity.

And yeah, obligation is also definitely a thing. I was thinking about it, and all the people who’ve ~confessed~ to me have been guys, who mostly knew I was gay, and mostly knew I was in a committed relationship, and yet a lot of the time it was still the ‘but whyyyyy won’t you just stop being gay and date me?’ and the crushing sense of heterosexual obligation. But it’s fair that that’s not actually always the case, and that people can probably talk about feelings without being coercive and annoying.