It is dark and cold. Blood is drying on skin from the draft in the room. Sit on mattress, disinfecting cuts. Hurts to bend back. Cut stretches down nearly the entire length of my spinal column. Will surely scar like that, a river of mottled scar tissue over the knobs of my vertebrae. Disinfect and bandage what I can, but there’s only so much that can be done. Can only hope this will be over soon.
Hope is confirmed when The Fallen is broadcasted on a hologram of a screen. Watch myself kill Jared on the screen. Feel a minor sense of satisfaction and am unashamed of that. Think I have earned the right to feel satisfaction at the sight. Two more deaths are shown. Apricot and Lola. Everest is alive. Everyone is dead except for myself and Everest. We are the final two tributes, but I have never felt more separated from him. Killed Ratsis and imagined he was somebody else. Killed Jared because I had something against him. Don’t know what to do about Everest. Truly do not know what to do.
Panem national anthem ends. Am bandaged and fed and alive. And I intend to stay that way. Even if it means killing Everest, I intend to stay alive. Going to get out of this place and see my parents again. Help in the quarry. Ride my bike again. See the ocean. Live. Live, live, live, live, live.
