#actual ded

[alexander-not-your-bitch-bane]

When Matt Daddario answers your question and now you're dead.....

[ofresurrectionarchive]

he isn’t dealing with it. that’s just it.

that’s always been his problem.

but like hell if it doesn’t show. it starts out in little things; and then it gets worse. he’ll go for days without sleep, until he’s run himself so ragged he passes out from exhaustion. for days he won’t even look at a plate of food, until there grows a hollowness in his eyes the likes of which he can’t recognize in the mirror anymore. stories will spread through gotham’s underground of the red hood’s violence -- how lately he strikes more blows with fists than with guns, how he’d kill anyone for taking even the smallest step out of line ( some even begin to wonder if it’s really the same guy; or if it is, maybe he’s snapped ).

jason doesn’t much care what they say, what anyone says. he’s not listening.

he hasn’t been. not since fucking captain america of all people showed up in gotham with the news of brandon’s loss.

and it continues like that, day after day, week after week, uninhibited ---- until he gets in over his head.

he hasn’t eaten in days, his sleep is as erratic as ever, he’s angry, he’s wild. he’s almost out of bullets. one more minute, one more shot -- and he would’ve ended up dead all over again ( briefly... some part of him will dimly wonder if that would really be so bad ).

someone’s yelling at him. he's pretty sure it’s dick, and tries to shove away from him ( still angry, still tired, still wild ); but he hasn’t got the energy for it. but still he shoves and pushes and it isn’t until dick’s got him held tight against his chest & his throat burns in protest that jason realizes he’s been screaming.

                                            ‘   WHY?! WHY HIM?!   ’

why why whywhywhywhywhywhwywhwywhwywy ----

eventually it drops to a whisper, hoarse and empty, until everything goes black.