Summary: A collection of vignettes featuring various pairings.
Authors Notes/Warnings: Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.
12. Smile
Smile.
That’s the one thing I've heard my entire life.
Smile no matter what’s happening. Smile when it hurts, smile when you’re angry, smile even if it kills you. And for years, that was how I lived my life.
I smiled the day I broke the news to my parents that I was leaving school for the band. I smiled when they screamed at me, telling me just how much of a disappoint I was. I smiled the day I thought the band had fallen through, the day when I found myself wondering what the hell I could do with my life now that the plan I’d thrown myself into had failed. I smiled the day Dave’s voice gave out. The day the dream once again lay in tatters. I smiled the day we reached number one, the day I realized we’d made it and that everything I’d known had changed. I smiled through all the bickering. I smiled through the power struggles. I smiled through the angry words and the harsher actions. I always smiled. Never said a word. Never dared risk testing the shaky foundations everything rested upon. Simply smiled.
But I can’t do it anymore. I can’t fake it anymore. I can’t push aside how I feel anymore.
I've tried. Believe me, I've tried. This band, it’s been my life line for so long. It’s as much a part of me as my physical being is. I've spent so many years telling myself that this was worth the anger. That this was worth watching the relationships I've had for longer than I care to remember ripping apart at the seams. But I can’t do this anymore.
I’m done smiling. I’m done wrapping myself so tightly in this lie that even I can’t tell which way is up. I can’t do this to myself anymore. I won’t let me do this to myself anymore.
