I’ll Be There For You - Chapter Two
Title: I’ll Be There For You
Chapter: 2/?
Character/Pairing: Adam Carson/OFC
Genre: Angst
Rating: T
Summary: There are always lines, always limits, and learning when to cross them, when to risk it all can be the hardest lesson to learn.
Authors Notes/Warnings: Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.
TWO
Monday mornings had never been a favorite of Adam’s, they always seemed to come far too quickly for his liking. Especially this particular Monday morning. He ran a shaky hand through his hair, he needed coffee and badly. Stumbling towards the kitchen, he groped blindly for the light switch. He swore the damned thing moved just to spite him.
He finally found it a few moments later, continuing his stumble into the kitchen. His eyes fell upon the half filled coffee pot. It was stone cold and from the previous morning but he desperately needed the caffeine. He could always make a fresh pot later. A minute or so in the microwave and it would be good as new...Or well, close enough to it.
A hiss fell from his lips as the now steaming liquid passed them. Shit, he really needed to learn that the ‘beverage’ button on his microwave only brought third degree burns and a handful of curses. Dropping the mug onto the kitchen counter, he sighed. Just what he needed.
Somehow, though he honestly wasn’t sure how, he’d managed to get maybe four hours of sleep the night before. And, he thought with a grimace, he didn’t even want to think about how little he’d gotten that Saturday.
True, he’d gotten used to sleepless nights, living on the road seven months out of the year off and on for the past thirteen years saw to that, but between worrying about Ron’s odd behavior and the odd dreams he’d been plagued with the night before he’d barely managed to get enough to function. The best he could hope for now was that the coffee would at least make him bearable.
His eyes rolled over towards the clock on the coffee pot. Seven thirty-five. Jesus, it was far too early. With coffee mug in hand, he wandered from the all too small kitchen towards his even smaller living room. True, he could afford bigger and certainly better, but this was his home and he didn’t abandon things easily. Ron had always told him he was a stubborn bastard like that. He chuckled, she really had a point there.
Settling on the well-worn couch, Adam leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He knew there was no way he’d be getting anymore sleep today, but maybe if he just forced himself to relax a bit he’d feel more rested. As well as he’d managed to function on little sleep, he knew he needed to have his wits about him today. It was the last day he’d have off before another long stretch in the studio and there was quite a few things he wanted to get done while he had the chance. Top thing on that list being paying a visit to Ron.
Ron had been a constant in his life for as long as he could remember. They’d grown up together, shared more than he’d ever shared with another living soul. She was the one person he could say he knew inside and out and that knew him the same way. And that was what made her subdued and somber reaction so jarring for him. This was something she had always wanted. She should have been singing from the rooftops; not laying in his arms, silent and uncertain.
He didn’t dare begin to explore his own discomfort at the situation. It had to be simply the fact that something was bothering her that made him so uneasily, so uncomfortable with the entire situation. This was good news. His best friend was going to be a mother, was finally getting the one thing he knew she had longed for. This was a happy thing. He would be an honorary uncle; all the best parts of the job without the responsibility of raising a child on his own. This was a good thing. She was just scared and therefore so was he. That was it. That had to be it.
Adam rubbed his free hand over the two days worth of stubble on his chin. Jesus, he was getting too old for this. And he certainly was no closer to relaxing than he had been half an hour ago. He grimaced as the brought the coffee mug to his lips. Great, now his coffee was stone cold. Perfect.
Pushing himself up off the couch, he made his way back into the kitchen for round two of his caffeine battle. When the microwave chimed for the second time that morning Adam made sure to wait a few minutes more before taking his first, well second if he was going to be completely honest, sip of the morning. Much better. At least he’d managed to learn something that morning.
It took him a half an hour from that point to finish enough of that cup to even contemplate a shower, which he knew he desperately needed. Maybe this would offer him a clean slate, a fresh start. Or at least hide the fact that he was running on caffeine and not enough sleep.
Ron hated the fact that he rarely slept, that he wasn’t taking care of himself. It was annoying really, sweet perhaps, but mainly annoying. He chuckled softly to himself; she’d been mothering him like that for as long as he could remember. Now she would have something, someone else, to mother. That thought unsettled him slightly. And that would never do.
Grabbing the first set of clean jeans and a t-shirt he could find, Adam made his way into the bathroom. It took him a few minutes to get the water temperature to the perfect setting between the either freezing cold or scalding hot that his shower seemed to prefer. Shedding his clothes, Adam stepped inside. He closed his eyes and let the warmth envelope him.
Clean and vigor slightly renewed, Adam walked from his apartment to the small lot towards his car. It was early still, but he knew Ron was an early riser, something he had teased her about for years. She could be up until all hours of the night and still be up before seven. It was uncanny, really and upon occasion, rather annoying; especially if she decided that he should be up as well. She had always been evil like that.
It was nicer outside than he had thought it would be. The jacket he’d grabbed on the way out of the door now seemed rather unnecessary. But, he figured, it was better to be safe than sorry. The last thing he needed was to catch a cold now. Their time in the studio was already tight to begin with; any changes to it now would only serve to create a bigger headache than was necessary.
The drive to Ron’s was rather uneventful. The volume of traffic on the road was surprisingly light for this time on a Monday morning, cutting the normal half an hour drive in half. As he turned the corner of her street, Adam felt a surge of annoyance. Chris’ car sat idly at the top of the driveway. He made a conscious effort to shake the feeling off. What the hell was wrong with him? Of course he would be home; it was his house after all. And Adam liked Chris, most of the time anyway. He was good to Ron and that was all that he could ask for.
Adam pulled his car alongside the curb, letting the engine idle a minute before shutting it off. No time like the present, he thought. He climbed from the car and began his trek up the small sloping driveway to the front door. Adam raised his hand to knock on the door, startling slightly as it pulled open before his hand made contact.
Chris stood in the doorway, smiling. “Hey, is everything alright? You’re here awful early.”
“Yeah, sorry about that,” Adam started, running his hand through his hair, “Had a rough weekend and couldn’t really sleep. She awake?” He couldn’t shake the thought that this was a bad idea. He hadn’t thought any of this through. He never seemed to when it came to Ron. He never really had to. She was always there, no matter the time, no matter what else was going on. She had always been his rock. But things were different now. Everything was different and that scared Adam more than he cared to admit.
Chris nodded, stepping aside to let Adam enter. “Yeah, she’s in the kitchen.”
Adam smiled briefly in thanks before heading towards the back of the house. He shook off the annoyance that was creeping through him and worked to school his face into a calm facade. He caught sight of her sitting at the scarred wooden table, her shoulders tense and a weariness radiating around her that stopped him in his tracks. Something was very wrong.
Steeling himself, he knocked lightly on the door frame before walking into the room. Ron jerked her head up at the sound. “God, Adam you nearly scared me to death.”
He smirked and silently settled himself into the chair next to hers. “Not my fault you’re unobservant.”
“Fuck off.”
Adam threw a hand over his heart, “Language, young lady! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”
Ron laughed, rolling her eyes. “You are absurd.”
“And you wouldn’t have it any other way.” She looked calmer now, slightly more at ease, and Adam felt he knot in his stomach loosen ever so slightly but did not let himself dwell on just why that was.
Sighing, Ron turned her attention back onto Adam, her eyes taking in the dark circles and still drying hair. Unconsciously, she reached up tucking an unruly curl behind his ear. He was taken aback by the jolt that coursed through him. “You alright? You look like you barely slept.”
Adam blinked for several minutes, trying to focus on her words. “Yeah, couldn’t seem to shut my brain off. Studio jitters,” he trailed off, his reasoning sounding weak even to his ears. What the hell was wrong with him? “And I figured you’d be up to annoy them away.” He cracked a smile, hoping to force her to do the same.
But she just stared at him, eyes scanning his face and full of concern. He knew that she hadn’t believed a word of it, she knew him too well. “What’s really going on, Ad?”
Adam shook his head, leaning himself back against the chair. “I’m fine. Just tired. It’s been a long weekend.”
Ron smiled softly at him, placing her hand on his knee and giving it an affectionate squeeze. “Still stuck on her not showing?”
He blinked in surprise at her words, “What? Oh yeah, I guess. That and just the stress of everything. You know me.” He shrugged and smiled. “I just mainly wanted to see how you were doing? You seemed, I don’t know, a bit off earlier. Are you okay?”
It was Ron’s turn to blink incomprehensively for several moments. “I’m fine. Just a bit discombobulated by it all. I mean, it’s a big change. A great one, don’t get me wrong. It’s just a lot to take in.”
Adam nodded, though he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was far more to the story than she was letting on. She was obviously not ready to say anything and experience taught him that pushing her would only cause her to pull farther away. So he would let it be. No matter how much it ate at him.
“Seriously, Adam, what the hell’s wrong with you?” Davey’s voice was laced with barely repressed frustration. And Adam couldn’t blame him. His concentration was shot. He was making stupid mistakes. Mistakes he never made. And for the most part his band mates had been understanding. He got the usual shit from Hunter, the man could never leave well enough alone. But Davey and Jade had been surprisingly patient until that point.
“I don’t fucking know,” Adam hissed between his teeth, dropping his sticks and grabbing for the bottle of water he’d taken to keeping by his kit. He knew these songs, they had practiced them nearly to death before heading into the studio. He shouldn’t be constantly messing them up. He sighed, tightening the cap back onto the bottle and tossing it back onto the floor. “Let’s try it again.”
But several takes later it was clear that his head wasn’t in it. He growled in frustration, ripping the headphones off his ears. He was tempted to throw them across the room in a fit of temper but immediately thought better of it. He ignored the concerned and frustrated looks of his band mates and the rest of the studio crew and stormed for the door. He needed a cigarette and badly.
It had taken three to calm his nerves enough to re-enter the studio. He muttered an apology and took a seat in the back of the studio, running his hands through his hair. He needed to get a grip. This was his life, why the fuck was he letting himself screw it up? He’d gotten so good at keeping his personal life out of the band. They had always been two distinctly separate parts of himself. And here he was letting something that he had no control over, no real say in, mess him up. It was ridiculous and he knew it.
“You okay?”
Adam shrugged. “Yeah, just tired.”
Jade’s inquisitive eyes roamed over Adam, narrowing slightly, eyebrow rising. It was clear he didn’t believe a word Adam had spoken. Adam chuckled, the man never missed anything. It was annoyingly endearing.
“I’m fine, Jade. I just needed a few minutes to get my head back in the game. Let’s get back to it.” He pushed himself up off his chair and made his way back into the recording booth, settling quietly behind his kit.
The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur of noise and frustration. Somehow he’d managed to lay enough down to at least make the session not a complete waste, but nowhere near what he was capable of. Adam felt drained.
I just need to sleep, He told himself. Everything would be better once he actually slept. He was just tired and not thinking clearly. Once he’d slept it would make more sense. It had to. But his brain refused to shut off. He’d tried just about every trick he’d learned to force himself to sleep and nothing was working.
This is ridiculous. He couldn’t understand why he was so worked up. It’s not like he hadn’t handled change before. Sure it wasn’t his strong suit, stick in the mud was how his mother had put it, but he could roll with change. It just took longer. But this felt different. And he couldn’t understand why.
But it needed to stop. He couldn’t keep doing this. Not if he wanted to survive with any amount of his sanity intact. He just needed to let it go. Things were changing. That was all. It wasn’t like his world was ending. Ron wasn’t going anywhere. This was a good thing. This was what she’d always wanted. He was just being stupid and stubborn about this change. That was all it was. That had to be it. He would do better.