Wanna Marry This Old Ass?
@agathaallalongweek
Day 2: Fake dating/marriage
Fandom: Agatha All Along (TV)
Relationships: Agatha Harkness & Rio Vidal, Agatha Harkness & Rio Vidal & Nicholas Scratch (Marvel) & Adria Vidal (OC), Agatha Harkness/Rio Vidal
Characters: Agatha Harkness, Rio Vidal, Nicholas Scratch (Marvel), Adria Vidal (OC)
Additional Tags: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Useless Lesbians, Fake Marriage, Their children ship them, AAA Week | Agatha All Along Week, Rio Vidal Loves Agatha Harkness, Agatha Harkness Loves Rio Vidal
Summary:
"We need to get married."
"Come again?" Agatha raised her eyes from whatever had lost her interest in her book. Messy hair, half up in an untidy bun and eyebrows well on their way into said hair.
"We need to get married."
"Come again?" Agatha raised her eyes from whatever had lost her interest in her book. Messy hair, half up in an untidy bun and eyebrows well on their way into said hair.
"They're tearing the building down in a few months, and people, translation men, prefer renting to 'one family', which, apparently, we aren't without that peace of paper, I've started looking into where we could move, cause you know, we'll have to." Rio willingly succumbed to gravity and fell on the sofa, having just put Nicky and Adri to bed, legs immediately flying over its back and back twisting in such a way that her head landed right by Agatha's thighs.
"I knew that we were getting looks, we always are, but still," Agatha says. Then she gets a look in her eye, a dangerous one. Rio likes it; most people do not.
"You know, there's still the part of my inheritance. The one that says I get access to it, once I get married." Agatha said not as nonchalantly as she was pretending to, but Rio actually got up into a mostly normal sitting position in under a second.
"What?" Her head was dizzy. Since when did Agatha have an inheritance?
"I found out like, yesterday. Apparently, grandparents put it in, the sperm donor's parents. The only way we know is because they somehow managed to go over the birther's head, wish I knew how to do that earlier. If I get married, I get everything of theirs and money that was intended for the sperm donor, but apparently he also kicked the bucket, a few years back, actually. It would have been split evenly between surviving grandkids, but I'm the only one alive and therefore eligible. There would have been one other, but he died two years ago. Maybe one other, I wasn't paying much attention at that point." She tried to sound unbothered, but Rio saw the twitching muscle in her cheek and decided to pretend to eat the bait.
"Your mysterious meeting yesterday." She wasn't asking. There was no other time Agatha could have had such a meeting. Not in the past eight years. A side effect of living in the same room was a certain lack of privacy.
"Yep", she popped the p and continued staring at Rio's face.
"Wait, how'd you even find out? I don't suppose birther wanted you to know, and you said that they had to go over her head." Rio raised her eyebrows, reaching for the water on the coffee table.
"Birther finally kicked the bucket." Agatha's smile could not be wider, and it should have been concerning. It wasn't.
"Wait, for real?" Rio's voice was light, lighter than she'd thought it could be. Oh, if Evanora were dead, they would have a family celebration, because that deserved every single party in the world.
"There is one thing I don't joke about, it's her." She knew that, obviously. But this had been a wish for so long it didn't feel real.
"Well congratu-fucking-lations." They raised the water glasses from the table in a sign of cheer.
"We can celebrate later, now I need you to focus." Agatha jumped in before Rio's brain could go somewhere and start planning a celebration for such an occasion, and be a nuisance for the entire evening.
"Right, we need to get married for two reasons now." She didn't like how unsure that sounded.
"Think Rio, it will set us up for life." Agatha reached out and held one of her hands in both hers.
"Us?" Duh, married means two consenting adults. She did ask you to marry her, too, idiot. Stupid self-esteem issues.
"You, me, the kids. Sperm donors' parents weren't loaded rich, but they had a house in a good town and enough money to change our entire lives. We can pay off the remaining debts and start anew." College and medical. Not that they would ever say the second part out loud, not until all the lights were off and they drank a bit of alcohol.
"So, you.." she doesn't dare finish that sentence.
"Want you and Adri to come along? Duh, it's the four of us against the world, now literally." Agatha looked at her like it was the surest thing in the world.
"Right" Rio's brain short circuited, damn issues and childhood trauma.
"Rio, I'll say this only once, because we both know that unless it's the kids, I'm allergic to feelings. I'd be happy with Nicky, goddess knows I would. But, life without you, without Adri, would not be worth the same." Cue Rio's lesbian brain just, kicking the bucket, momentarily.
"Right", she doesn't know what else she could say. Agatha went right in there and put a bandage on her metaphorical bleeding heart. Nope, there will be time for this later, when everyone has gone to sleep.
"Ditto, by the way. If we're doing this, we need to work out the logistics fast, and also, tell the kids." Rio refused the useless lesbian to take over. Time to work, brain.
"Obviously, they're big enough to know about, well, technically the scheme," Agatha smirked in the way she did whenever she had a master plan slowly forming in her brain.
"Not all of it." Rio knew she didn't have to remind Agatha of that, but it was important for her to keep the communication clear.
"Please, they'll never be old enough to know all of it, but they can know most of this ploy," she knew, Rio saw it in her eyes. But this was Agatha, emotional spoons were reserved for the kids, and then maybe after some wine and something that reminded her of whatever asshole helped mess up her life.
"They like being in on something, goddess knows we won't be bored with the two of them once they become teenagers."
"Nope, we do not think like that." Agatha got up and started to quietly pace, she needed to move to get some of the adrenaline induced energy out, "And that they hate the city, Westview will do them good."
"That's the town?" obvously idiot, but it was getting late and she was fucking tired.
"Yeah, idilic, nice big houses, good schools and after-school programmes, not too far from NYC, should something go very wrong. And there is a community centre. And the town isn't more religious than your average American, so we should be okay enough."
"So New Jersey?"
"Yep."
"Okay. Worst case scenario we sell the house and find somewhere without dicks." Identical smirks settled on their faces as now Agatha fell back onto the sofa.
"Okay", Agatha sighs with relief. She wasn't too worried about Rio not agreeing, but when it comes to people, she never is certain, not even with Rio. It's the last part she hates the most.
"Let's get scheming", Agatha cracks her knuckles, and Rio, after she stretches and twists her back in inhuman ways to get some of the knots out gets up and heads towards the kitchen.
"I'll make us tea, there's a lot to cover."
They spend the rest of the night going over everything and planning. The kids don't remember living apart; they never really have.
Rio's parents left her with a kid sister to raise, abusive assholes who died months after she was born and Rio took her in without a second thought. Right when she and Agatha moved in together and Agatha had Nicky. Her last attempt at a boyfriend left seconds after he found out about the pregnancy, and she had just managed to hunt him down to sign away all of his parental rights.
So it was them, the kids, against everyone else, through thick and thin. Adri and Nicky got along wonderfully, siblings in every sense of the word. Protective of the other in ways parents can only dream of. Rio is mami, Agatha is mama and while they tried explaining and laying out that technically they should call their non-biological parent by name, it never stuck, since they started talking. Adri never bothered asking for more, never asked for her biological parents after Rio told her that they died when she was a few months old, and that they weren't the best people to be around. The second part was only when she asked why Rio didn't look too sad about it, she didn't have it in her to lie and have Adri idolise people who would have probably tried to break her.
Neither kid knew the full extent of what actually happened to their moms, and Rio and Agatha vowed to never let them find out everything about their lives, ever. Not when they were old and dying, not when the kids grew to be eighteen. Never.
"Do you think we can manage to do this before the summer ends? They have two weeks left of school, and then we can move once everything is settled." Rio was now lying on the floor, legs propped up on the sofa.
"I may have told the lawyer that due to the lack of family and friends, we were planning to get married in three weeks, a small wedding at the courthouse. He said that once the confirmation came through, about a week later, we should be able to move." Agatha was lying on her front, facing Rio on the floor. Their teas were long gone.
"You counted on me saying yes?" Rio shouldn't be surprised, this is Agatha after all.
"Technically, you asked first." There was a shit eating grin on her face.
"Yeah, well," Rio got up without another word and went to their room, fuck you city prices, and came back with a small purple box.
"What? How do you even?" Agatha wanted to laugh, but the way her heart clenched had her shocked, speechless, unable to properly display her usually loud opinion.
"Figured I should get you a ring in case you said yes," Rio shrugged and sat back down in her spot, opposite Agatha, who had straightened her spine into a sitting position, and opened the box. There was a ring, a simple, nice ring with four different stones set in a row. Nothing overly extravagant, but intimate.
"It's us and the kids. I was going to get all of us some for Christmas this year, but figured this was a good way to utilise it." Rio has had it for longer, not that she would ever admit it. She was waiting for when the kids were older to lessen the risk of them losing it.
Agatha did not have tears falling from her eyes, she did not. For all her and Rio always said that they were best friends and nothing more, it was moments like this that kept her patient. Because while this was yet another mess their makeshift family has gotten into, it's always felt like a lot more. Like everything. And Agatha has managed to keep her cool the entire time, but then Rio would do something like this and she would be left wondering exactly 'what the fuck were they'.
"Oh my, Rio", it sounded a lot more broken than she wanted it to.
"So what do you say, want to marry this old ass?" Rio joked, still scared shitless mind you, and took the ring out of the box, wordlessly asking for Agatha's hand. Hand that was freely given.
They kept eye contact, and she could see Rio's searching gaze, looking for any signs of uncertainty, fear, 'no', anything that would tell her to immediately stop. But she counldn't find anything, because there wasn't anything to find.
So she slipped the ring on. Agatha was still staring in awe. It was beautiful and clearly made to fit, because it did, like a glove. She wore rings all over her fingers all the time, so they could easily get lost, unless you knew where to look for it.
"I'm glad it fits." There is undeniable smile to be heard in Rio's voice. Agatha wouldn't know; she couldn't stop staring at the ring. Her ring.
"Like it was made for me", it was, a stupid comment to let out of your mouth Agatha.
"I mean, it was. I have Adri and Nicky's tucked away. Theirs are on necklaces, I wasn't sure I trusted them to both wear a ring and also not loose it."
"What about yours?" she laid her head on Rio's shoulder, and the other woman immediately started playing with her long hair.
"Not done yet, or more like, left it to be the last, and it'll be at least a month before I can buy it."
"What?"
"Well, it's the actual stones, the band is more expensive, so it holds for a long time. And there is an engraving on the inside, too."
Agatha takes hers off and looks inside.
Our Love is Unconditional and a symbol of a book.
Agatha didn't respond, not immediately, just, rested her head on Rio's shoulder and tried her damn hardest not to cry her heart out.
"I never wanted them to wonder, I know that we've done our best so that they never do, and talked about it all at length, both between us and with them, but figured a reminder wouldn't hurt, especially considering our lack of childhoods." she ran her fingers through the part of Agatha's hair that wasn't still in the bun. "And everybody has a different symbol, of course."
"I want to make a joke, but this is too sweet to be made fun of, maybe later." After a small pause, she adds: "fiancée."
Rio chuckles, "Yeah, I was pretty sure you'd end up saying something like this. Want me to take your hair down?" Agatha nods, and so Rio goes through with the offer. She takes the down, carefully, from the half bun Agatha produced after she came home from work, and starts running fingers through her hair, gently detangling along the way.
They stayed like that for a few more minutes, until they heard the kids walking around, and glanced at the clock to look at the time, after midnight, that was not good. Technically, it was the weekend, but Nicky and Adri were a bit too young to be still up. The financièes exchanged a glance and without any other words get up and headed towards the kids' room.
It's big, the biggest room in the flat. Each little one has a bunkbed, table underneath it and space that was theirs to decorate, as much as renting allowed (and some more because their ability to express themselves was important to their moms).
Both eight-year-olds were out of their beds, their bestest plushie in hand, clearly getting ready to go and search for them.
"What are you two.."
"Adri had a nightmare"
"Nicky had a nightmare"
The kids started talking over each other. Agatha and Rio didn't need to share a look or ask to know that one got up, started eavesdropping and then woke the other up to be complicit in getting information.
"Can we sleep with you?" they asked in sync, puppy eyes on, heads slightly tilted down.
There was no question to be asked. Agatha and Rio, without sharing a look, each reached out with their arms and bent down, waiting for an eight-year-old to fill the space.
Usually, Nicky would run for Agatha and Andri for Rio, at least initially, before something like this turned into a cuddle pile. But the kids ran into their arms, head first, reaching for both adults.
Only then did Agatha and Rio share a look, and each scooped up the kid closer to them. Rio took Nicky on her back, and Agatha held Adri on her hip.
They were both in enough of a PJ clothes that they didn't bother thinking about changing.
In the master bedroom, which was barely a bed and a shared closet, they let the kids down on the bed and were immediately pulled down by them.
Their eight-year-olds, aren't usually that clingy. They like touch, and will just come and cuddle up during whatever time of day.
"Are we leaving?" Adri turned to face Rio, moving closer to her mami.
"Why do you ask, mi amor?"
"Because we heard you, you and mama talked about leaving and getting married..." Adri clearly wasn't a fan of the idea of her and Rio leaving their two favourite people behind.
"No, no. Well, we wanted to tell you in the morning, but Agatha and I will be getting married to each other. And we will be moving, but all of us together." Because their kids deserve to have their input heard, even if they do have to move somewhere else, either way, even if they were fairly sure there wouldn't be an issue with it.
"We wanted to talk to you rascals in the morning, to properly explain everything, but I guess tonight is as good a night as any" she waits for Rio's nod before she lights the lamps up and sits against the headboard with the other three following her cues. Rio copying her position and Adri climbing into her lap while Nicky climbed into Agatha's.
"Agatha found out that her sperm donor's parents left her some inheritance, but only if she gets married."
"And because everyone already mistakes us for a couple, you two treat each other like siblings anyway, we thought it best if we got married. There are a lot of benefits to this, adult ones neither of you needs to worry about."
The kids only object to one thing in the entire sentence.
"But we are siblings!" they yelp out in a chorus, and then point at each other from their sitting places in the claimed adult's laps.
"We know loves, but not to everyone else. Now you will be." Rio strokes Adri's back as she feels that the girl is about to jump off her lap.
"Does that mean that you and mama will finally start kissing?" Nicky looks up at Rio from Agatha's lap, and she is oh so glad for the dark and shadows and only a small illuminating light on.
"We're still just friends, mijo, that doesn't change. But you can tell people that we do." She smiles at him, trying very hard to project all of her feelings about the entire situation.
And the kids, to their utter surprise, cheer and then high five. Because of course they do.
"And what about the moving?"
"Well, my biological grandparents had a house in a town, and once we get married and the lawyers review everything, we can move there."
"Out of the city?" Once again, they ask in unison.
"Yes."
The kids, despite it being about half past midnight, get out of their laps and start jumping on the bed in excitement, holding hands and jumping in a circle. "We're getting out, we're getting out!" They chant over and over again.
Agatha and Rio exchange looks. They really won't be getting much sleep next night. There is too much that still needs to be discussed, things they will not have the time to talk about during the day with two very active eight-year-olds on their hands.
"Okay, okay, you two need to sleep. And we will talk more tomorrow, after breakfast." Rio raises her eyebrows at them, a universal sign of 'listen or the consequences will not be to your liking'.
They visibly don't want to, but the yawns betray them and soon their little bodies give in to the lull of sleep and dreams, and the safety of their moms. They either hold onto their plushie, curled up into their adult. Safe, protected.
Rio and Agatha keep a small light on and stroke the children's hair. They whisper, theorising what and why the kids said while actively soothing them, not to disturb their sleep. They do end up turning the light off soon enough, not wanting to face two very active eight-year-olds exhausted, especially when there have been no previous plans for the weekend.
In the morning, when they wake up, Rio is spooning Agatha, and the kids are nowhere to be seen.
Author's note:
The author doesn't know much about either rental prices in the US (except from the things I've seen online) nor the family law nor the prices of rings, and as I am unfortunately in the middle of my exams, this will have to do for now..
This whole chapter was a writing experiment, the style is new to me and absolutely goes against my writing instincts, but oh well, challenging myself and whatnot.
This is the first chapter to something I would like to continue once school is over for me, but who knows what'll happen then.
(Final note: Adria is named after Adria Arjona, because I haven't been able to stop thinking about her performance in Andor.)