Aedan, my beloved. When she was a kid, did she have any dreams of what she wanted to become when she grew up? How did that change over time? And how does she think about her young self's dreams when she's all grown up?
She... didn't really, no.
She briefly thought about being a nun, not with any real ambition but once one of the sisters told her when she asked why S'ter became a nun and she said that she'd done a lot of things but realized she was certainly in the world, but not really of it, thst it didn't really want her and something struck baby Aedan as true about her, too.
She sees the stars on a charity camping trip up to the mountains and she wants them, knows somehow fundamentally that they're *hers* but there's no real connection with what that meant and once she runs away to go find them and fails, it crushes that part of her pretty deep. She's never ambitious about being a Red, she finds her place and she's content with it but even the bad guy in her story is more ambitious for her than she is- seeing sixteen is a surprise to her.
The only thing she ever reaches for before she enlists is that stray chance, the recruiting posters she finds in her stolen car that gives her maybe, maybe one more chance to get her stars. And it almost gets away from her.
Aedan doesn't really look back except in one way - she owes that little kid to make the most of it. To appreciate every free bed, every easy bite of food, every "good job" for as long as she gets to be in the stars. And she still thinks a little that the nun's philosophy suits her.
(thank you so much for asking!!!! 💜💜💜)