Cosmere Characters on Blind Dates
Last Valentine's Day, my special was a series of Valentine's Day Poems. This Valentine's Day, I'm going to randomly pair up Cosmere characters & imagine what a first date between them would be like (something I've done before...). I'm using a random number generator & my list of Cosmere characters! Let's see what happens!
(As in the past, this is truly random...except that I omitted anyone underage or anyone from the last time did this. Talking to you, Gaz, who was managed to be rolled THREE times!)
Kiin: Listen, the fact is--I'm already married.
Kiin: But to make up for it, I did make you this sweet, spiced pudding!
Lyn: ...
Lyn: Definitely not the worst date I've been on.
Kenton: Oh wow, you REALLY remind me of my father.
Kenton: Stubborn, uptight, unyielding, rigid...
Kenton: I'm out.
Hrathen: ...
Hrathen: All I said was that I ordered us wine.
3. Veil & Sixth of the Dusk
Veil: You know...you remind me of someone.
Veil: The intense eyes, the scars, the fact that you're a hunter, the very colorful chicken you have with you...
Veil: You're a lot like Mraize!
Dusk: ...You remind me of a tree I met once.
Veil: ...
Dusk: I don't meet a lot of people.
Aesudan: [petulant sigh]
Aesudan: I mean, you're hot 'n' all.
Aesudan: But you don't look like you have the sweltering desire for power and conquest burning within your manly breast.
Sigzil: That's...fine. I'm not interested in you.
Aesudan: What?! Why?!
Sigzil: You're married! You let your infant son be tortured by evil spren!
Aesudan: Oh, like YOU don't have any faults!
Sigzil: ...This is the LAST time I try a blind date...
Charlie: I think I'll start off this date by ranking every glass of milk I've ever had.
Allik: Oh...yeah? I was gonna show off how high I can count.
Charlie: ...
Allik: ...
Charlie: Are we...both trying to blow this date?
Allik: I-I just I have a lovely woman I'm already into!
Charlie: Me too!
Allik: Want to...just talk about how great our SOs are instead?
Charlie: Honestly, that sounds like a ton of fun.
Sebarial: [sniffs the air]
Sebarial: Hmmm....
Sebarial: I sense in you a man who doesn't quite know his place, who isn't sure where he belongs...
Sebarial: A stray, one might say...
Sebarial: Do you want to move in with me??
Colot: It's been 30 seconds!
Navani: I like dangerous women.
Crow: I have within me a dangerous power that keeps me alive but will ultimately destroy me.
Crow: I need a partner who will do whatever it takes to reach our goal, no matter the consequences.
Navani: I made a god-killing weapon through the power of toxic yuri.
Crow: Do you want to make out?
Hesina: ...Wow, it sounds like you've had a rough go of it.
Silence: Motherhood has hardly been easy for you, either.
Hesina: Do you want to order large amounts of wine and sweets?
Silence: Maybe just this once...
Ulaam: Give me the right materials, and I can make my body into anything I can imagine!
Shai: Give me the right materials, and I can remake a man's soul.
Ulaam: Do you want to make out?
Dalinar: Well, this is...awkward.
Ialai: [waves a hand] Just think of it as a chance to imagine what might have been.
Ialai: Had we been together, you never would have burned your wife alive, you know.
Ialai: I would have been right there, helping you take that city.
Ialai: You also wouldn't have nearly died on the Tower--I doubt Torol would have been such a threat without me.
Dalinar: Okay, but...we don't like each other.
Dalinar: And I couldn't choose any path that would lead away from Navani.
Ialai: Who says marrying me means no Navani in your marriage?
Dalinar: ...What?
Ialai: What?