Not that bad (fantroll drabble)
In one fell swoop she’d lost her home, her family, her status, everything.
Ixalia sighed in relief as she finally, finally got into the absolutionblock. It was a small block, only one toilet, a sink and a dingy mirror above it. It wasn’t fancy, it wasn’t even clean, but it was the only place she’d found that she could truly be alone. She wasn’t sure what it was about the place, but the small block seemed to drown out, well, everything.
She ran her hand over her face and walked the short distance over to the sink.
It had been like this, ever since that night, and she didn’t even know what to do about it. Every troll, every emotion, felt like a direct stab against her thinkpan.
It’d gotten better, slightly, as she’d gotten used to the new power (empathy, for the Messiahs’ sake!), but it was hard. It was tiring. She swore that her usual eye bags had grown twice as large.
She twisted the tap, let the water flow into her hand and splashed it onto her face. Maybe that would wake her up.
It would have been better, easier, with two hands but, well, (Ixalia spared a glare at where her right arm should have been) that wasn’t exactly an option anymore.
The mediculler had said it was “too infected” and “needed to be removed.” It wasn’t her fault that her lusus had been more difficult recently! She just, hadn’t had time to take care of it, yeah. She totally wasn’t depressed.
Like today! Her stupid ass lusus wouldn’t even go in the damn hive she’d bought!
Sure it was a far cry from what she was used to (No lush pillows for her to lay on. Ixalia hadn’t even bought much furniture yet.), but Messiahs damn it! Did the damn koala have to make this more difficult!
Ixalia had gotten hair all over herself trying to get the damn thing into the hive! Should have just left her outside to fry in the sun.
With a final sigh, she finally faced her reflection. No horns, no sign, she’d even gotten the baggiest clothes in hemoanon gray. There was no way anyone from her old life would recognize her. She barely recognized her.
Still…
Ixalia looked at herself. The baggy clothes, the gray beanie, hair all over, and…
And she liked it.
The realization was like a punch to the gut. She liked it.
She liked the baggy clothes. She liked the beanie! It was so different from what she was used to. She never would have considered wearing this before but…
She liked it. It was comfortable. It felt right.
The person in the mirror didn’t look like Ixalia Nimaya, chucklevoodoo prodigy and subjugulator academic, but…
Maybe she didn’t have to be that anymore.
The person in the mirror stared back with wide eyes. There was lusus hair sticking to their face. It almost looked like stubble.
He looked hiveless.
Ixalia snorted and the person in the mirror did too. A wry smile appeared on their face. It fit him.
Ixalia made a face and the boy in the mirror copied her. A giggle escaped their lips.
She did need a new identity. To hide from the church. No other reason.
The mirrored man stared back.
Mirrored.
Not Ixalia but… Ailaxi.
His name was Ailaxi.
Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.