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giving jvic my treatment-resistant depression. woe. venlafaxine be upon you. it doesn't work 👍

#aiden's monologuing #ailb #ailbde #the only thing i want to do with jean is torture him in mundane ways. and only once every six months at most #it has to be torture in a funny way. this guy has camp depression. like the way he has depression is camp.#next doc appt i guess i'll either ask about tapering off and trying something else (miserable with venla) or add an adjunct med...#maybe i'll have an unheard of side effect to that class of med too. and then i'll be able to laugh about it two years later #anyway. ok. i ate two jelly donuts and they were fucking delicious. tomorrow i have a five-hour workday #i must survive it. for money. and retail experience to get hired at better jobs

kim initially thinking harry is a single year younger than dros is wild. kim i don't even think this is your vision i think you see a man and add 10 years

#aiden's monologuing #ailb #ailbde #he did this to lely too like kim. how old you think you look #actually wait. he's possibly so used to being perceived as much younger than he is and may have developed adding ten years to others' ages #as a reaction to that. and now i'm sad about kim again

how do i explain playing de rewired several essential somethings in my brain and now i want to work on my novel again

#aiden's monologuing #ailb #ailbde #well i'm sick and busy so not right now but #it just hit me how damaging to my psyche a certain rhetoric got and how yeah it's kind of stupid when i think about it #like the intention of it was good and there's some truth to it and nuance and whatever #but when getting down to brass tacks and real life and how complex people are. it's kind of a ridiculous expectation #being vague bc i don't think i can explain it well. suffice to say i think de just saved me and gave my writing back something essential #yeah having worked on one novel for over a decade off and on is kind of rough to think about #but i think i needed to grow. and then stagnate and regress and grow again #i think it was all necessary to get closer to a point where i can write something i'll be proud of #and i'm ok with that #anyway personal revelations aside i am still so sick and noisy (coughing and sniffling and blowing my nose)#gonna end up cursing myself with this one but i feel like i get personal growth when i get sick sometimes #can't wait for the day after i recover because i feel on top of the world when that happens

wait. is the disco elysium title art screen for when the bomb falls. this might be obvious and i just got too distracted by pretty colors to figure it out before

could also be the shelling of martinaise, but i'd say this looks like somewhere outside of martinaise getting hit and the blast traveling towards martinaise

#aiden's monologuing #ailb #ailbde #this is in line with the kim's portrait shows his endgame bruises theory #as in harry (and thus the player) are seeing future versions #there's been so much clogging up the tag lately i don't want to maintag this lol. and also it'll probably show up at the bottom anyway #because of tumblr's terrible curse

i don't know how to explain how i got here in a concise way but suffice to say kim kitsuragi would not vape. it simply isn't cool in the way cigs are. vaping once a day is nothing. no one good will notice that. and you think kim would allow himself something that actually tastes okay? you think he'd smoke raspberry pink blast? inconcievable.

smoking one nasty, tar-filled cig every night lit up by sodium streetlights. that's something. that's a completely unnecessary trial of will. headcanon: kim saw an older guy smoking at night One Time and it plucked a string in his brain to play one single, melodious gay note and he's never been the same since.

#aiden's monologuing #ailb #ailbde #i'm not maintagging this. if you find it congratulations. welcome to my posts. i give you a metaphysical cookie #couldn't figure a way to fit kim's canonical weed smoking in here but #weed is only cool when it's your older cousin. maybe an upperclassman but they need other things going on. no one else is cool for it #also kim wouldn't enjoy being high very much i don't think. he needs his self-control #it was something he could only allow himself when he was younger #also also. my caveat: i don't smoke anything i have asthma. and also i don't judge anyone for anything #i'm rating these things both based on what kim would think is cool and based on overall social conceptualization 👍#the other headcanon i have that is opposed to the one in the post is that kim just needed something for his stress that he still felt #in control of. and so he got himself an addiction. unfortunately relatable kim #it is funny to imagine kim with a vape pen though. it won't be me but i support anyone who draws it

kim k and i both have the same issue of one of our eyebrows looking perpetually raised

#aiden's monologuing #in his portrait one of his eyebrows is always up slightly #ailbde #ailb #for me one of my eyebrows is thicker than the other so it looks like it's raised all the time #maybe that's why people say i look intimidating...

agdkajd i just remembered i dreamed about kim last night where his hair got wet and wasn't slicked back so it was falling in front of his eyes and my dream-brain kept adjusting the amount of hair he had like. this is too much hair. recede the hairline more. more. More. thin it out. and i just couldn't get it to the point that it seemed accurate

#aiden's monologuing #ailb #ailbde #this does reflect me trying to draw him. i have to get better at drawing widow's peaks #at first it was like. that is a boyband member. needs at least 60% less hair

personally i think the best way to find a kim jacket is to chance upon one in a thrift store and repair it like he probably did. for canonicity. i'm normal and i have logical ideas about how the forces of fate and luck work

#aiden's monologuing #ailb #ailbde #alternatively make one from scratch #i know it told the dream story about me finding a way too short black jacket that looked like kim's but wasn't #well. months ago. guess what i found in a thrift store and bought #knowing full well it is too short and too small and probably for someone significantly younger than me #it lives in my closet until i figure out what to do with it

#ailbde

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