A commission of my lovely Sylvari lady, Airia, in swimwear.
Drawn by the ever wonderful https://twitter.com/WitchyZilla
Go check her out, she’s a fantastic artist who needs way more love.
“I think I’ve finally come to terms with Ruinali. Now it’s a matter of practicing what I preach so she doesn’t see my apology as empty words.”
What is the closest thing you’ve had to “love at first sight?
“I was introduced to Maedryn by my friend Jaen. Well, really it wasn’t intentional. Mae came to our guild house looking for Jaen. But at any rate, the moment I saw Mae, I thought that he was beautiful. He was vibrant, apple green skin and golden hair. His smile was more radiant than the sunlight. As we got to know each other, I learned that he was just as beautiful on the inside. So kind, so generous.…Sorry, I’m getting sentimental.”
Who currently occupies your thought?
“Oh, so many people. I worry about Ras, of course. I leave him by himself far too much. He’s so private in his thoughts. I hope one day he can trust me to help him carry that weight. I wish that he were here too. I long for his company.
Del is injured, like me. I’m trying to stay strong and keep her company while we recover. I’ll ask her if she wants to walk around the manse later.”
There’s also many people I am grateful to. Airia for her comfort and for opening her home to me. Yhedda and Bakari for their gentle, swift care, despite have risked themselves on the same mission.”
I’m very lucky to have such strong allies and friends.”
Do you honestly find intellect attractive, or just admirable, in a person?
“I certainly don’t find it unattractive! But I think that there are many different types of intelligence. I’m a bookish type, for example. I tend to gravitate toward those with street smarts or survival skills. I don’t know why.”
What makes you feel at peace?
“Staying the night at Airia’s manse or Ras’s house. There’s a lot of pleasure in domestic tranquility, sitting down to breakfast with your loved ones after a good night’s sleep. Drinking coffee, reading the paper. It reminds me that there’s life outside of work and war.”
Ideally, how would you like to tell somebody you are romantically interested in them?
“That’s hard. I prefer to let someone come to me. I couldn’t handle the possibility of rejection. That said, I like rather physical declarations of love. Like kissing. Your partner pulls you into their arms and lays his lips on yours. It’s great.”
Which of your friends have you seen the least recently?
“Poor Skiena. I should send her a letter, but I don’t want to disturb her while she’s on duty. I feel terrible though, that we don’t talk much anymore. I hope she knows that I still love her.”
Okay so, I recently did a Questions and Answers session about Airia on my Insta and I thought I could as well share the result here, since we got to see quite some tidbits of lore. I have put the majority of it under the cut because thing got long. Hope you enjoy! :D
Q: How do you feel about being a cyborg?
A: That is a difficult question. On one hand, this is a natural state for me. I have had cybernetics implanted on me since I was a baby. My formative years were filled with medical tests, procedures, and surgeries. I don't know any life or state of being that isn't this.
On the other hand, I have been modified, without my knowledge or consent. I know my life has not been 'normal'. For a long time, I didn't even know what 'normal' was. I only knew my own life. Once I gained access to online spaces and I learnt what life looked like for other people, however, it was like… My life could have been so different. I'm not certain if better or worse, but different.
I have nothing against being a cyborg in on itself. I just… wish it had been my choice. I wish something about my life had been my choice, instead of the ones of others.
Q: Are you aware of who created you, and for what purpose?
A: I do. I live in the lab facilities with the people who made me. I see some of them more than the others, and a couple of them abandoned the project or were replaced when I was too young to remember, but I know who they are, even if, emotionally speaking, I'm not close to them.
The purpose of the project that made me was to test the limits of what cybernetics could do for humans. What it could enhance, what it could improve, what it could fix, what it could add… Because this project wasn't exactly legal and they had to keep my existence secret for a long time -and it was unlikely that they would be allowed another human subject even when it was revealed to the relevant institutions- I was a test subject for many different kinds of cybernetics, even when it didn't entirely make sense to add them together.
The enhanced senses, for example, I can perfectly understand the utility of. My eye colour, on the other hand, seems to be merely aesthetic. My artificial skin could be useful for certain jobs, as it's more heat and corrosion resistant than human skin… but my hair literally melts with enough heat or corrosion, so it's not a property I could make use of... And this is without getting into the risk vs benefits of most implants, specially the brain ones.
Q: How do you feel about your "creators" and the modifications they gave you?
A: The way I feel about my 'creators' is… complex.
I've read fiction about characters with similar experiences to mine: test subjects, cyborgs, androids… In these stories, they often rise up against their creators seeking vengeance. I find that, while some of my experiences are similar to those described in fiction, that isn't one of them.
I am not emotionally close to my developers. They have never acted as parental figures, nor mentors, nor friends (nurses and caretakers took some parts of these roles instead). If anything, the role they assumed was closer to that of doctors. And as they currently exclusively hold my medical data, they're the only ones that can provide treatment and maintenance to me. I am completely dependable on them for healthcare while they see me more as a science project than an individual. It's… not a good feeling. I don't necessarily want them harmed or punished like it's often shown in fiction, and I certainly do not want to be the one delivering that punishment… But I wish I had options other than being forced to rely on them.
About the modifications, it bothers me that I never had any agency about it. They started long before I could understand or consent to them. And as I grew, they didn't bother to change that either. Even when I started to make questions, their answers were always short and didn't dwell on details. I've never had any power to stop them.
There's many modifications about me that I don't understand why I've had. I can't be certain, since I don't have access to my own medical data, how many of those procedures and modifications were necessary or not, but I would presume a large amount of them weren't at all. I don't like that I have been changed without permission. I don't like that, by the time I could understand what they were doing to me, it was impossible to separate me from the cybernetics.
I hate not knowing my own brain, not having access to some of my own features or the data about how my body and implants work. I don't necessarily hate my cybernetics or current existence in on itself, but I do hate how they came to be. And not knowing how much of my own thoughts are feelings come from me and how many could come from the brain implants that my developers can control remotely without needing me to even be aware… It doesn't feel good at all.
Worst of all is, it's impossible to take some of the implants I have without risking irreparable damage or death. But I would like, at least, to be the owner of my own data, features, and processes, so that I could understand myself and not be further changed without my consent.
Q: Best and worst part(s) of being a cyborg?
A: The best thing about being a cyborg, huh? To be completely honest, I have rarely thought if the positives of it…
Perhaps how I can connect and communicate with people anywhere on the world by just thinking of it? But I can't help but think that much of the same result could be achieved with a smart phone and a stable connection to the internet (which I still need even if I just use my implants and no external devices).
Not only that, but it would be safer for me too. When someone connects to a public network, their device and the data stored in it might be at risk. If I did so, I might be putting my very self at risk -my implants have some of the stronger security systems to avoid any potential harm, but still.
The fact remains that I could still connect with other people through an external device without havin to worry about potential risks (which is mostly not an issue for me currently due to living in the lab facilities, which provide even more layers of security than my implants do… If any harm comes to me through remotely accessing my implants right now, the most likely is for it to come from the inside of the facilities).
The worst would be that I depend on the people who built me for their own purposes for maintenance and healthcare. My life literally depends on people who see me as a lab project more than they see me as a human being. And they have exclusive power over not only my body, but my mind too.
They can remotely access my implants. I can never know if they have changed something of who I am or not. I don't know where their modifications begin and I end. There's parts of myself that I don't even have access to, because they restricted it.
In other circumstances, if I held control over my own implants, if I had access to my own records, if I had more options for maintenance and healthcare and people couldn't access my implants remotely at any time… I think wouldn't be as uncomfortable with the way I exist in the manner I often do now.
Q: What are your five senses like? Are they the same as before the implants? (touch, smell, etc.)
Many implants I've had from an early enough age that I don't remember clearly what my life was like before them. But the implants definitely affect my senses.
My sight has been enhanced for as long as I can remember. I'm sure they let my sight develop naturally before modifying it, but in my memories I've always had a sharp eye.
My hearing has also been enhanced. This I did notice, as it wasn't always as it is now. There was a lot of tweaking about it. For a while it was painful, or I couldn't properly process the sounds, when they first tried on the implants. Eventually, though, they found a way to make enhanced hearing work. I am very sensitive to sound now and do badly in loud spaces. My room is sound-proof and I often carry noise-cancelling headphones with me.
My smell is slightly enhanced, but not to the same level as my hearing is. I can identify smells better than the average, but it takes more of a conscious effort.
My taste hasn't been altered, to my knowledge. As far as I know, it's average.
My touch is actually less sensitive than normal, since the first layer of my skin is artificial. It doesn't take much sensitivity away though. Mostly it feels like being touched througha thin layer of cotton fabric. I've never enjoyed skin-to-skin contact much, so I do not mind this.
And although it isn't included in the main 5 senses, I think it's worth it to talk about my sense of pain (nociception). Most of my pain receptors have been tampered with, artificially raising my pain threshold so I don't feel pain at all unless it's severe. This isn't me having learned to ignore it, I do mean it when I say I don't feel it at all. It is for this reason, since pain is an essential way our body communicates damage, that my artificial skin has intracutaneous light cells: they're programmed to light up in different patterns to communicate damage and sickness where pain cannot.
Q: Did you have to have implants replaced as you grew up? What was puberty like because of that?
A: I've had them fixed and maintained far more often than I've had them entirely replaced, but it has happened a few times.
I know now that my growth has been completely different to that of others. Sometimes, some parts of me were allowed to develop naturally, sometimes my growth was forcibly accelerated or slowed down instead. This affected my puberty as well, naturally. At first they waited for it to run its course, but in the end they decided to integrate implants to keep an artificially created hormonal balance.
Q: Would your skin and eyes naturally be these colours? Or were your genetics consciously altered?
A: They would not. I do not have access to my own genetic data, but I know my colours would not be like this naturally.
My skin actually used to be pale and with warm undertones, and, if I was exposed to sunlight more, it would have probably tanned to a light brown or beige. I'm unsure why they made my artificial skin paper-white, as not only is that not a natural skin colour, but it's also associated with the unnatural and scary. Perhaps my intracutaneous light cells work better with it?
My eyes would have probably been the very dark brown kind that people call black. I'm unsure how they changed them, but now I can change their colour at will, although they can always change on their own to match the lights on my skin when I'm sick. I do not know why their default colour is blue and magenta. I don't even know if that was made on purpose or not. However, changing them to another colour for long periods of time quickly becomes straining, so I don't do that often.
My natural hair, however, would still be black if I had it. I was born with very thick and black hair and, once again, it's unclear to me why they had to change it for this artificial one I now have.
Q: Do you get to choose your hair and nail implants? Can you change them for fun or just when damaged?
A: I don't, unfortunately. They're supposed to be permanent and only changed -with identical sets- when damaged. I don't think my developers had 'fun' in mind when they made me, even when we have proof humans have been modifying their appearance since they were humans.
I can, however, paint my nails and apply 'fake nails' over them to change their appearance. My hair, on the other hand, is pretty much unstylable. It will melt if enough heat is applied to it, and cutting it destroys its core, so aside from tying it up or leaving it loose there's not much I can do with it.
Q: Have you ever tried bubble tea? Which one(s) do you prefer? Or, if not, what drinks do you enjoy?
A: I haven't, but I would like to. I believe I would enjoy it, as I already love tea.
From what I've seen there's a great variety of bubble teas, but I would probably try the more classic options first, although I'm also interested in the ones with fruit.
As I said, I enjoy tea, black and green specially, fruit and/or floral mixes as well.
I also enjoy milkshakes, with chocolate milkshake being my favourite.
Q: Favourite weather/season
A: I like winter and early spring the most. The lab facility I live in has central heating and cooling systems, so the temperature is always kept stable on the inside, but I love the cool air from the outside.
Winter feels very calm and peaceful as a whole, everything and everyone seem to be more quiet during winter. And I enjoy the snowy landscapes.
Early spring feels nice, when sprouts and blooms slowly overtake the white of snow. There isn't much colour in the lab facilities, so it feels good to know that that isn't always the case for the world outside.
As for weather, I prefer cool, dry weather and a clear sky. I function and feel the best in it.
Q: Do you like music? What kind?
A: I do enjoy music. I love calm instrumentals the most. Symphonics. Music that follows a clear structure. I find it grounding when there's too much going on, to focus on something small and predictable.
But I also enjoy music with lyrics, specially if they have a message that I resonate with. I find it hard to identify my feelings and put my experiences into words. It's sometimes easier to recognize them while relating to a song.
That said, there's also music I do not enjoy at all. Anything too fast, or where there's too much playing at once, I find it deeply overwhelming.
Q: Does she have a surname? (And is it Starset XD)
[Note: answering this OOC as an author instead of as Airia, since this question is directed to me rather than her]
A: She doesn't, actually xD
For a long time, she didn't even have an actual name, just an alphanumeric code identifying her as a specific project within the lab.
Eventually, one of her caretakers named her Airia and her developers kind of rolled with it because it was easier and quicker to refer to her that way.
Airia low-key thinks of her alphanumeric code as her surname (sad), but she might need to have a real one soon, now that her existence is slowly being made more and more public (she was kept in secret for quite some years, the project that made her what she is not being entirely legal, and the wider public only learnt about it a few years ago).
I wonder if she'd be able to choose her own surname, if that's the case; she hasn't had the chance to choose much about herself as it is…
