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Okuni-Nothing

Four walls don’t make a home, Mitami always said. Your home is where your soul is, where you feel a call down to your very bones.

She’s thought many places were home, over the years. A cobbled lean-to in the woods, the deck of a ship gliding over the seas, and most recently, the walls of a mansion in the Goblet.

She’s been wrong every time.

It’s not that she hates Reverie, not by any means, but she tires of the flaking gold wallpaper. She’s sick of the harsh sun beating down on her. She’s exhausted of all of the piddly little self important personalities in one place, all the people who think they’re Eorzea’s next big thing. It’s exhausting, putting on a face of professionalism all the time, serving others, giving and giving and helping and being the stepladder for someone else.

She looks in the mirror sometimes, and wonders how much of herself there is left.

She misses the salt of the sea, the breeze rolling in through half-open paper doors. She misses the little shrine at the top of the mountain where one makes offerings to the small kami who watches over the path.

She’s sick of holding in her anger, tired of making her words retreat inward when she’s in danger of saying something biting. It becomes more difficult to hold it all back day by day.

When the letters from Mitami come, calling her back to the Ruby Sea, she’s slower to answer the call than she likes. But answer she does, as always. Ever the dutiful daughter, sister, employee, wife...a reliable woman. No one wants her to leave. They’ll miss her, they say, but what is it they’ll really miss? They’re around if she needs them, if there’s any way they can help.

They don’t understand.

They will never understand how suffocated she feels, how much she longs to throw everything away, to be as free as the waves. They’ll never understand that, even though she’s going back home to help with this new issue, all she wants is to take the ship for herself, to throw its captain overboard, to steer to parts unknown.

They'll never understand what it is to desire to be as nothing.

#ffxiv #my writing #okuni tomioka #the first in a series of drabbly things #aka CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT #edited for some error frixin #{sea serpent}

ive been strugglin 2 try n come up w a new symbol for kaevis since. he’s Evolved

#aka character development #my son whom i love and riased

#adventures with rory #it's time for personal growth #aka character development