#akariness

[unwanteddesire]

New art therapy page more then meets the eye. This reflects the other side that people don't tend to see since it is hidden away.

[unwanteddesire]

Happy New year

Ok It’s that time of the year again so... 2016 has been a pretty shit year just like most of my life no change there. However there has been somethings that have helped me survive this year  those being my boyfriend, my best friend Shauna and going to Manchester comic con. This year I have finally found answer's to questions that I have wanted answered for a long time and found my love for reading again thanks to Shauna and my Irlen glasses. 

May 2017 suck a lot less then 2016 roll on lots of comic cons, reading and adventures. Happy new year everyone :)

[unwanteddesire]

Back from London had a great time but got ill :(

[unwanteddesire]

2016 Goals

So in 2015 I didn't complete a lot of goals partly due to my mental state and other things that impacted certain goals. However in 2015 I lost who I thought was a true friend and actually gained someone who is. I finally got to cosplay in 2015 and it was amazing it was the highlight of my year along with going on holiday with my boyfriend. So for 2016 my goals are:

1. move out

2. go to at least two different anime cons and cosplay at least two outfits. (which is happening so far it is already in the works.)

3. get my ears pieced in two more places.

4. get a tattoo.

5. loose weight.

6. learn to do makeup better.

[unwanteddesire]

One thing I have learn’t this year is even if you get something back you lost doesn't mean you will be happy once you have it back. A certain so called friend who was like a sister to me, who left me and came back. Accused me of crap that was ridiculous and denied all the shit things she has done to me over this year. I tried everything not to lose her again at the start but the more I talked to people and in therapy the more I realised... That girl who says she cares doesn't since she would have checked up on me more often. That girl who said she would be there for me wasn't even when I was desperate for help since I was in a dark place. That girl constantly lied and hid things from me for stupid reasons. That girl hasn't bothered with me for months now. 

Even though it kind of hurts I'm kind of glad she hasn't I deserve better and if that certain person sees this the truth that you always wanted to hear is all here.

You are a shit friend

If you cared you would of tried more

All your lies will hurt you so much in the long run

You cant hide from yourself

Your delusional the shit you said about me last is made up bull and you took it too far if you honestly believe it maybe you need to go back to the doctors again. 

Just because you don't like something about me doesn't mean you can try and use it to hurt me, though you've been fine with it for years.The funny thing is you always seen to think you accept everyone for who they are guess that's another lie.

You seen to have all these other friends so good luck to you I don't need you, I have a better friend and it took no time at all to realise how much of a better friend she is then you and how much of an actual fucking bitch you were to me. All those friends you seen to have too I bet none of them know the real you so have fun living a miserable life of pretence. 

[unwanteddesire]

Don’t you just hate it when you put your bag in a wobbly locker and some jackass has put a huge pot jug on top of it that falls on to your head and smashes leaving you with a bleeding gash on your head.... yeah this happened to me today :/

[unwanteddesire]

So time for another little rant. I've been having a really hard time lately once again with my mental health and instead of getting better I seem to be getting worse. One thing that my group therapy has made clear is I don't have a support network like the rest of them do since they all can turn to family and friends. I do have my boyfriend but he doesn't really understand all the time this is all new to him he tries and I'm thankful but I don’t like dumping everything on him it isn't fair on him. As for friends, well the friends I consider a support network are hardly ever there and the majority tend to turn everything to be about them, dismiss my issues or cant even be bothered to make time to help a friend in need. Even the therapy group isn't somewhere I can talk fully. My time is very limited and some things said get trivialised since the therapist seems to have some issue with me, which four of eight members have noticed. Also one of the girls trivialises some of my issues since she has been through “everything”.  

I'm sick of people saying that I can cope since I have done through all the shit I've been through but I'm not clearly. I'm struggling my life isn't going anywhere and I feel helpless stuck. I'm constantly drowning trying to keep my head above the water but people don’t really see it or they chose not too. If I was coping I wouldn't be in therapy I wouldn't have these problems and I’d be able to do something with my life. I really don’t know what to do any more...

[unwanteddesire]

alwaysshyandbi:

I was tagged by alwaysshyandbi.

List 10 favourite characters (1 per series/fandom) and then tag  people.

1. Kakashi Hatake(Naruto)

2. Saitou Hajime (Hakuouki)

3. Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy VII)

4. Kamui (Gintama)

5. Sebastian(Kuroshitsuji)

6. Enma Ai (Hell Girl) 

7. Gilbert Nightray (Pandora Hearts)

8. Alucard (Hellsing)

9. L. Lawliet (Death Note) 

10. Tomoe ( Kamisama Hajimemashita)

I tag: dancingdemon, impetuousrosepetals, bre-rex-win, justashyfreak